Dewey Duck quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Beaks

Whoa. Is that an ironically fancy briefcase in my super chill work environment?

Dewey

Uh, yes?

Beaks

What's going on in there? Like, brilliant business secrets?

Dewey

You know it!

Beaks

Very chill. Oh, I like how you roll! You are my new vice president of fancy business. [to Huey] Intern, you report to him now. Boom. Beaks out! [leaves]

Huey

WHAT?!

Dewey

Yes! Faked it, maked it! I didn't even know this was my life's dream until today!

Dewey

We've gotta save Beaks, right? I mean, he's the worst, but it's the right thing to do.

Huey

Why? I'm sure you're biggest, favorite friend will just fake his way through it like everything else!

Dewey

Okay, first off, that's not what BFF stands for. And secondly, guys like him, guys like me, we have to put on a show and fake it, because smart guys like you are so good at making it. We don't need this. What we need is a checklist. In fact, here's a checklist for how to get through this. One, get a plan. Two, ask Huey for a plan. Three, do you have a plan yet? 'Cause honestly, I don't know how checklists work.

Beaks

[typing on his phone] What's up over here?

Huey

Uh, we saved your life.

Beaks

Right. Hey, so obviously I have to fire you guys because you know the secret of Project Tahdah, and if you tell anybody I'll just say you're lying because you're mad I fired you. Cool? Cool-cool.

Dewey

[snatches the phone out of his hands; typing] "My face looks like a butt." And… sent.

Beaks

Seriously? That's your big plan? Who even cares about what--

Huey

It already has 1,000 likes.

Beaks

What? No, no! I can't delete it now! Give it back, give it back!

Huey

That's it! I'm putting my foot down! We can't go forward.

Scrooge

Oh, of course we can. The summit's right there.

Huey

We are violating every rule of my Junior Woodchuck training! We're out of supplies. It's starting to get cold, so even if we make it to the top, we'd freeze to death before we get down! Oh, and we keep trying to go up this way, the whole thing is going to come crashing down! This is all too risky!

Scrooge

Don't you go ninny on me, lad! You'll never get your cartography badge with that attitude!

Huey

I don't care! We have to turn around, now!

Now!

Huey

You already beat Mallardy. Isn't that enough?!

Scrooge

No! We'd be daft to give up with the peak in our grasp.

Huey

It's not giving up, it's just having common sense.

Scrooge

For the last time, nothing bad is going to happen.

Dewey

[as he and Webby battle a sea monster] You hideous monster! I will avenge my mother by killing you with the very spear you're sworn to protect!

You shall never get the Spear of Poseidon!

Dewey

I'm sorry, the Spear of who, now?

The Spear of Poseidon!

Dewey

Man, we got the wrong chamber again!

Webby

We're looking for the Spear of Selene.

Ohhh, huh. [sets them down] You're gonna wanna go back down the hall, past the Harpy Aviary, third door on your left. Garden of Selene. Can't miss it.

Webby

Oh, hey thanks!

Dewey

Sorry about calling you a hideous monster before. I'm sure you're very attractive by sea monster standards.

Not really. Thanks though.

Dewey

So where's the Spear of Selene, Selene?

What spear?

Dewey

The one Della took from your garden.

You mean the Sphere of Selene?

Dewey

Why does no one get what I'm saying? The Spear of Selene!

I've never had a spear. Do you mean the Sword of Selene? That's down the hall-

Dewey

No! The Spear of Selene! The one my mom took! The one that's our only clue to finding her!

Ah, you're Della's kid! I shoulda realized, you're just like her. I'm sorry, I haven't seen her in years, and I don't know what the Spear of Selene is.

Dewey

So we're back to "she stole Scrooge's spear and betrayed the family" then. Great.

What? No way. She loved her family more than anything in the world. Oh, Della wasn't just a good person, she was the greatest, and she made everyone around her better.

Webby

Maybe the spear isn't an artifact. Maybe it's something else.

Your mom did love a good mystery. [gives Dewey her Sphere] Here. It's not a spear, but it is a treasure even Della never found. Don't give up, young duck. Your mother never did.

Launchpad

[holds up two shirts with mustard and ketchup stains] Big day, Dewey. Mustard stain or ketchup stain?

Dewey

Mustard. Looks less like blood. What is this weird show?

Launchpad

Whoa, what? Darkwing Duck? The greatest TV show of all time?

Dewey

Ha! Maybe when you were a kid. This hero guy doesn't shoot lasers or anything.

Launchpad

That hero guy is Jim Starling. He was an old-school actor who did all his own stunts. Sure, he got a little banged up in later seasons.

Darkwing

Keep rolling.

Launchpad

But that just made him even more heroic.

Dewey

Why didn't he just use CGI?

Launchpad

[chuckles] Real heroes don't need high-tech special effects or basic safety precautions. So, how do I look? [Dewey gives him a thumbs-up; they get in the limo] Remember, Dewey, a true hero thinks with his gut or not at all. [to his Darkwing bobblehead] Right, D.W.?

Let's get dangerous.

Dewey

What's the special occasion, anyway?

Launchpad

I finally got my driver's license!

Dewey

Uh, wait, what?

Dewey

How have you been a driver without a driver's license?

Launchpad

Hey, come on. I've got a pilot's license, don't I? [realizes] Wait, don't I?

Dewey

Ugh. Aren't you worried Scrooge will find out?

Launchpad

You kidding? I had them mail the license straight to him so he'd be first to know. [tears up] Ah, he's gonna be so proud of me. [chuckles] Wow.

Dewey

The Bin, The Bin, The Bin! Slow down!

Launchpad

[hits the breaks and the limo spins around and stops in a parking spot] I bet Mr. McD's got some kind of party planned for my big day. Wouldn't want to ruin the… [enters Scrooge's office] Surprise! [the office is empty] Huh. [bursts into the meeting room] Surprise! [the meeting room is also empty; opens a janitor's closet] Supplies? Boy he's really getting my hopes up. The payoff is gonna be amazing.

Gyro

Intern, try to think.

Fenton Crackshell

But that's all I do all the time.

Gyro

Well, do it better.

Launchpad

Eh, you probably couldn't fit a driver in that tiny train anyway. Uh, say, speaking of drivers…

Scrooge

Gyro, the board needs results. Ever since Bulb Tech backfired, you need an invention that, well…

Dewey

Won't turn evil and kill us all.

Gyro

Due respect, sir, innovation doesn't work that way. I can't just wake up one morning and say…

Dewey

How about a self-driving robot car?

Launchpad

A what now?

Gyro

Too many variables. A self driving robot car would turn evil like that. Nobody could…

Dewey

Well, Mark Beaks did. He just posted that he's having a demo later today.

Gyro

What?! That hack couldn't even program a microwave. We'll see about this.

Launchpad

Okay, cool. I'll just tell you my big news later.

Scrooge

Launchpad, I almost forgot.

Launchpad

Yeah?

Scrooge

Stop having mail delivered to my office. That's for incoming checks and death threats only.

Fenton

Forgive Dr. Gearloose. He's a little more deranged than usual trying to figure out how Beaks beat him to the self-driving car.

Launchpad

That won't be a problem once I put that tin can in its place. In the recycling, where the garbage goes.

Dewey

Woof. We'll work on smack talk later. Right now, we need something to help Launchpad get the edge on B.U.D.D.Y.

Fenton

Step into my laboratory.

Dewey

Your lab is in the bathroom?

Fenton

Dr. Gearloose says this is the perfect place for my work. I'm just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary. No matter!

Scrooge

Get excited, kids! Golf is in our blood! Your ancestor, "Black Donald" McDuck, actually invented the sport. Of course he lost so badly that the ensuing temper tantrums caused King James to ban golf across all of Scotland.

Louie

And we're... proud of that in some way?

Dewey

I don't know, man. Go-karts? Hitting things really hard with sticks? Not being grounded for said hitting? Sounds kind of awesome!

Louie

It's a sport where you try not to score points to make it end sooner. Hard pass.

Scrooge

Trust me, you'll love it.

Huey

Welcome back to the Billionaire's Club Classic, where in a bizarre turn of events, the players have become trapped in some sort of mystical faerie realm.

Launchpad

For more, we go to two tiny horses.

Huey

What are you- ah!

Greetings! We're Briar, and Bramble, the keepers of this realm.

Webby

Talking animals wearing clothes?!

Dewey

Oh, no, did we die? Are we in Webby heaven?

Dewey

[as Scrooge growls angrily at him] I'm sorry. I just knew I could, so I…

Scrooge

[interrupting] You pull a club out of a Scotsman's hand, you'd best be prepared to knock him out with it!

Dewey

Hey, I made the shot.

Scrooge

You disobeyed me and risked the entire game with your showboating!

Dewey

[now offended] I'm showboating?! This whole thing has been about how great you are! You're so worried that someone might actually be better than you at something that you keep…

Scrooge

See here, I am an inter-dimensionally ranked golfer!

Dewey

Whatever. I'm over this dumb sport anyway. Finish the course so we can go home.

Dewey

What's all this?

Webby

Hey, guys! Every year I brush up on my survivor skills on a secret island! [Beakley clears her throat] I-I mean, a regular island where young warriors definitely don't combat the forces of nature and each other. You know, it's girl stuff.

Donald

[quacking in panic] I GOTTA GO! [gets into his car and drives off]

Huey

Why is everyone running off?

Beakley

[sighs] You would figure it out sooner or later. [whispers] Today is Mr. McDuck's birthday.

Huey

Okay, people, we are in crisis party planning mode! Louie, you start a guest list. Dewey…

Beakley

[interrupting] Absolutely not. Mr. McDuck has a strict no-birthday-party rule. He hates the reminder that he's…

Louie

Literally the oldest person he knows?

Huey

But our most epic relative deserves the most epic party ever!

Webby

Oh, I don't know. He hasn't had a good one since before his old butler, Duckworth died.

Huey

Like this stuffy old guy could beat the party I threw for the Junior Woodchuck Party Planning Committee. It was both work and play.

Beakley

[walking out the door] Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Webby

[catching up] If I don't come back, tell my story!

Huey

Nah, he's gonna love it! Huey's time to shine!

Huey

We gotta solve the mystery and find Scrooge so he can experience the true joy of a flawless birthday party.

Louie

And you know, not possibly die?

Huey

Yes, of course, and that, but if we succeed and have a good time doing it, Scrooge may have experienced the most amazing party of all time!

Louie

Shouldn't we call somebody?

Huey

But who can you call when everyone is a suspect? Come on, boys, the party game is afoot!

Louie

Oh, I hate this already.

Oh yeaaah!

Louie

You can't get that helmet off, can you?

Oh nooo!