Dewey Duck quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Dewey

[after Glomgold claims the Jewel of Atlantis] Who's that?

Scrooge

Flintheart Glomgold, the poor man's version of me. Which, to be fair, still makes him insanely rich.

Scrooge

Now Donald, don't-

Donald

Stop. I admit, I'm a little overprotective.

Louie

A little?

Donald

No matter what I do, these boys will get into trouble, so maybe you could teach them how to get out of trouble.

Huey

Uncle Donald?

Donald

It might be okay if the boys saw you every once in a while. [Huey, Dewey, and Louie cheer] Sometimes, like birthdays, or federal holidays, nothing too- [Donald's boat explodes in the distance]

Dewey

Ohhh, I may have left the engine running in the houseboat.

Scrooge

I may have a dozen or so spare bedrooms in the mansion.

Beakley

This may be Mr. McDuck's mansion, but it's my house. So... my house rules. Exhaustive. Comprehensive. Where are you going?

Donald

I got unmentionables to wash.

Beakley

Rule 58: If you need something, ask for permission first.

Donald

[to his nephews] Did you hear that, boys? Ask permission.

Beakley

Rule 23: No one is above the rules... Donald. If you had simply asked for assistance, we could've avoided what I'm referring to as the "Undergarment Incident."

Donald

I can take care of myself.

Beakley

That is not your decision to make. You live here, you answer to me.

Donald

I answer to NO ONE!

Louie

Wait, are they gonna kiss?

Eww!

Outside, now!

Foolish child! You do not know what you think you know.

Dewey

I don't know anything, and it's really frustrating!

Webby

I don't understand. It should be here somewhere.

Dewey

Wait, these books. They're all out of order. Quackfaster's a lot of things, but she's not sloppy.

[offscreen] Use your training. The most valuable knowledge must be earned.

Dewey

Okay, how much of this is about us doing your work for you?

About 50%.

Webby

Lena, this is Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Dewey

Webby, we've been looking for you everywhere!

Lena

Cute, with the names, and the color-coded outfits, is that, like, your thing? You're all exactly the same?

[in unison] Ha! No way! We're all unique snowflakes! [beat] Well this usually never happens. This is really weird! Okay, stop talking! [beat] Antidisestablishmentarianism! SERIOUSLY?! Gah!

Huey

Seriously, Webby, where have you been? We've been worried out of our minds!

Webby

Well, uh, Lena and I...

Lena

Right, you were so worried that you left her on a beach and didn't show up for four hours?

Huey

We got lost.

Dewey

Thanks to old Captain Lost!

Louie

Why would you put me in charge of the map again?! This is not on me.

Dewey

[chanting] Captain Lost! Captain Lost!

Louie

[enraged] Ooh, you change the tone of that chant! [starts strangling Dewey as Huey tries pulling him away]

Lena

Yeah, they seem like a real tight crew.

Dewey

Oh, man, that is classic cinema!

Webby

So good!

Lena

Oh, and remember when the surgeon tried to cut the mole queen in half but then she multiplied into a million mole babies and then they ate him?! [imitates chainsaw noises and Webby makes growling sounds]

Beakley

[grabs Lena by the arm] You said this was an educational film. Suitable for all ages.

Lena

Uh, it's a cautionary tale about the dangers of mole monsters. And everyone could use a lesson on chainsaw safety.

Louie

Lame! Where was the drama, the heart, the needlessly expensive car crash mayhem?

Huey

Even if mole-men did exist, why attack someone in the shower? With the water running, there wouldn't be enough traction to attack anyone above the knee. Totally phony.

Webby

What is with you guys? It says right on the poster, "based on an actual true novel."

Huey

[pulls out his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook] This is the only book I trust. If it's not in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, then it's not a thing.

Webby

What about were-ducks?

Huey

Nope.

Webby

Tri-clopses?

Huey

Mmm, not a thing.

Webby

Well, what about the legendary Terra-firmians of Duckburg?

Huey

[sigh] Let's see... Pterodactyl, terror-dactyl, terrible twos, nope. No Terra-firmians. Must not exist.

Webby

[laughing] What? Terra-firmians, the mythical underground race that live below our very city?

Huey

No, that's ridiculous.

Webby

No, you're ridiculous.

Lena

Children, children. There's an easy way to settle this. Let's go find them ourselves.

Webby

[when Beakley, Launchpad, Dewey, and Louie find them] Granny?

Launchpad

Ahhhhh! Those are moles!

Dewey

Launchpad, it's just the guys.

Launchpad

You would say that. [to himself] Have there always been three of them?

Webby

[nervously] I can explain.

Beakley

You're all in big trouble. [gestures to Lena] I assume this was your idea.

Lena

[scoffs] Sure, blame the mysterious rebel playing by her own rules.

Beakley

No back talk! You made me come all the way down here, drag two more children and one man-child right into danger.

Launchpad

Man-child? Where? [shudders] Easy, LP. Easy. One monster at a time.

Lena

Aren't you supposed to be crazy adventure family? This is like an afternoon field trip for you people.

Beakley

Well, there won't be anymore afternoon field trips for you. I can assure you that.

Dewey

Launchpad, do you think I'm a mole monster?

Launchpad

Whaaaat? No, no. [to himself] Can't believe my best friend is a mole monster.

Dewey

I'm your best friend?

Launchpad

[to himself] Oh no, it can hear my thoughts. Keep it together, Launchpad. Gotta change the subject somehow. [to Dewey] Hey, you know what we should talk about? Another subject.

Dewey

Sure.

Launchpad

[to himself] He doesn't suspect a thing.

Launchpad

Ahhh! Back, mole monster! You can't take me too! Mr. McDee won't give me the time off!

Dewey

Launchpad, it's me. Dewey! [Launchpad remains scared] Your best friend?

Launchpad

They could be anyone. They are everywhere!

Dewey

Yes, anyone could be a mole monster, in the movie! This is real life.

Launchpad

Classic mole monster saying he's "not" a mole monster.

Dewey

Ugh! By that logic, how do you know you're not a mole monster?

Launchpad

'Cause I'm not! ... Which is exactly what a mole monster would say. Wait... am I a mole monster? But I'm a good guy. Then that means mole monsters can also be good guys! [grabs Dewey] Come, mole brother! This is a new day for our people! We will show the world that we can be good!

Louie

I can't believe Uncle Gladstone is here!

Huey

He's so charming.

Dewey

And funny.

Louie

He's like the luckiest guy in the world. Uncle Donald, you must have had the best time growing up with him.

Donald

[sulking with jealousy] He's the worst. Just the worst.

Scrooge

Gladstone Gander is a complete layabout. I don't know why we're responding to his call.

Webby

It was a call for help.

Huey

And like Uncle Donald says, "Family always helps family."

Donald

Why did I say that?

Louie

Plus, he's easily our coolest uncle.

Donald

[offended] Hey!

Louie

Sorry, coolest non-trillionaire uncle.

Huey

Hey, come on, Uncle Donald is kinda cool.

Dewey

[interacting with a couple jade tigers] Actual tigers?! Do the number of stripes tell you their age? Is it true if you stare at them in the eyes, they won't kill you, or does that make them want to kill you faster?

Liu Hai

Oh, would you like one?

Scrooge

You can't give a child a tiger. Especially not this child.

Dewey

[coddling one of the tigers] Dewey Junior, you're coming home with us. Oh, and I already named him, oh and I'm already super emotionally attached.

Scrooge

Oh fine, but I am not changing its litter.

Scrooge

Quiet. I'm in the middle of a Vision Beast battle of wills.

Dewey

So, it's a staring contest?

Glomgold

It's not just a staring contest! It's a-- [gasps as he catches himself drifting away from Scrooge's gaze] Nice try, McDuck, but your family bickering will never get me to look away, never!

Dewey

It's a staring contest.

Huey

[going through his checklist] Let's see. Can Do Attitude, check. Professional posture… check. Completed checklist, check. Wow, I can't believe we get to be interns at Waddle for Mark Beaks!

Dewey

Yeah, I'm mostly doing it to show off this bad boy. [patting a briefcase]

Huey

What is that?

Dewey

Oh, this? It's my super serious business briefcase. "What brilliant business secrets is he hiding in there?" Who knows?!

Huey

You can't open the lock, can you?

Dewey

Nurp.

Huey

[after Beaks tells them he only has one opening for an intern] One internship? Well, heh, you didn't really want it anyway, so I'll just tell Mr. Beaks to give it to me.

Dewey

Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Sliding my way to billions? Licking other people's stuff? It's everything I never knew I always wanted!