Scrooge McDuck quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Launchpad

Have a good day, Mr. McDee.

Scrooge

Nice work today, Launchpad. See you tomorrow.

Launchpad

You're not gonna replace me?

Scrooge

Replace you? Don't be daft. Where would I ever find a driver as crazy and dangerous as I am? Oh! Dewey told me about your driver's license. Congratulations.

Launchpad

[hugs Scrooge] Awww, your approval is all the driver's license I need! [tries to tear the license] Come on!

Scrooge

You should really keep the license.

Scrooge

Get excited, kids! Golf is in our blood! Your ancestor, "Black Donald" McDuck, actually invented the sport. Of course he lost so badly that the ensuing temper tantrums caused King James to ban golf across all of Scotland.

Louie

And we're... proud of that in some way?

Dewey

I don't know, man. Go-karts? Hitting things really hard with sticks? Not being grounded for said hitting? Sounds kind of awesome!

Louie

It's a sport where you try not to score points to make it end sooner. Hard pass.

Scrooge

Trust me, you'll love it.

Glomgold

Practice all you want, McDuck! You won't be winning this year!

Scrooge

You say that every year, Flinty. And every year, you go home crying.

Glomgold

My eyes dry out very easily! But this year, I'll prove that I am the best Scottish billionaire golfer. I've hired the world's best player to be my caddie!

Okay, if you want to be a winner, just follow these three rules-

Glomgold

[gasp] I'm already a winner! Nobody tells Flintheart Glomgold what to do! You're fired!

Dewey

[as Scrooge growls angrily at him] I'm sorry. I just knew I could, so I…

Scrooge

[interrupting] You pull a club out of a Scotsman's hand, you'd best be prepared to knock him out with it!

Dewey

Hey, I made the shot.

Scrooge

You disobeyed me and risked the entire game with your showboating!

Dewey

[now offended] I'm showboating?! This whole thing has been about how great you are! You're so worried that someone might actually be better than you at something that you keep…

Scrooge

See here, I am an inter-dimensionally ranked golfer!

Dewey

Whatever. I'm over this dumb sport anyway. Finish the course so we can go home.

Huey

There you have it. Another brash young upstart destined to surpass his aging mentor.

Scrooge

Is the commentary still necessary?

Huey

It helps me feel in control during a, frankly, insane situation.

Launchpad

[in a nuanced tone] I like talking this way, 'cause it makes everything sound important. Baloney trampoline.

Scrooge

[holding an armful of treasure] Ha! Remember the old saying, kids. "Beans, beans, the magical fruit, just plant your beans, then grab some loot."

Dewey

Man, I've been saying that rhyme all wrong.

Scrooge

[sulking as he practices for an interview] So, Roxanne. I suppose my greatest weakness is that I care too much.

Beakley

Fascinating. Well, Mr. McDuck, I can assure you that you will not come off "likable" doing any of that. Unfold those arms, drop the frown, "When dealing with the press, S.O.S." Be sincere, open, and smile.

Scrooge

Some find my scowl very appealing.

Roxanne Featherly

Now don't worry, this interview is just the two of us having a conversation. [Scrooge gives an assuring wink ar Beakley] I'm here with multi-millionaire menace Scrooge McDuck...

Scrooge

Eh?!

Roxanne

...who values profit over people's lives. I'll take your awkward smile as a confirmation that you enjoy feeling superior to everyone in the now-ravaged town of Duckburg.

Scrooge

No! I-

Roxanne

Now, Mr. McDuck, I can't quite place your accent. Tell me, what part of Ireland are you from?

Scrooge

[growls]

Scrooge

I have done far more good than harm for Duckburg! Ask anyone!

Roxanne

Will do. Joining us for comment via satellite from his office that was recently ravaged by Scrooge's blameworthy beanstalk, Flintheart Glomgold.

Glomgold

[appearing on a screen] CURSE YOU MCDUCK! Roxanne, good to see you.

Roxanne

And you.

Scrooge

You can't believe this team o'shanter-wearing terror!

Roxanne

Oh, shameful.

Glomgold

We can't all afford top hats, you rich snob!

Scrooge

You're rich too, you malevolent mountebank!

Glomgold

You'd best believe it, Scroogey! I'm rolling in it!

Scrooge

Then what is your point?! I'm glad that beanstalk crushed your office!

Dewey

[as they attend a Glomgold event at the museum] So what are we doing here anyway?

Scrooge

As upstanding citizens of note, it's our responsibility to support Duckburg's cultural institutions. [approaches the buffet] And these cocktail weenies are on Glomgold's dollar.

Louie

Aren't you rich? Why do you need free food?

Scrooge

I didn't get rich by wasting money. I got rich by besting my enemies. Stock up, lads!

Louie

What is it? A cursed villain?

Dewey

A villainous curse?

Huey

A... um... Man, I hate going third.

Scrooge

Worse. It's my ex!

Scrooge

You're looking younger than the last time I saw you.

Goldie O'Gilt

Found a fountain of youth in Wronguay. You?

Scrooge

Stuck in a timeless demon dimension.

Goldie

Which one? Pandemonium or Demogorgona?

Scrooge

Demogorgona. Went to stop an uprising.

Goldie

Get out! I caused that uprising! Nabbed the Eye of Demogorgon. Makes you impervious to burns. I must have just missed you.

Scrooge

Back during the Gold Rush, when I was prospecting for my fortune in the Klondike-

Huey

Gold Rush? Wait... [does math on his fingers] How old are you?

Scrooge

...

Goldie

Fine. We team up. With our two halves of the map, we can finally find the Golden Lagoon.

Scrooge

And why should I trust you?

Goldie

Because it's gold, because it's a treasure you never found, and because you're Scrooge McDuck.

You think you know me so well.

[entering the room] Date! Date! Date!

It's not a date!

Goldie

Looks like it's only big enough for one. I'll go down first, and send it back up to you.

Scrooge

So you can get the jump on me?

Goldie

Fine, you go down first.

Scrooge

Oh, so you can cut the rope?