TV show quotes
Bob's sister, who usually keeps my present pretty much at bath cube level, has upgraded me to a cafetiere!
You mean you've opened it already?
Well, how else do I know what price range I'm batting back against? I'd done her a germicidal hand cream, but no, actually, that's not wasted, I can divert that to the paper boy.
(Twinkle gets a horse figurine from Dolly for Christmas)
I got you that two years ago!
Did you?! I suppose if I'd been on HRT I would have remembered!
(after Bren telling Bob she's just doing some bacon) You know you were asking about bacon? We haven't got any at the moment but Bren's just doing some.
What are you on, a two minute delay?
(Stan sees Dolly and Jean about to move one of the tables)
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!
Is the bus reversing?
Tony didn't tear it. It was Martin.
Ooh, this gets better. Who's Martin? Should we have had a bet on him?
He's my-
Calor Gas man?
Mother's boyfriend?
Chiropodist?
Stick insect?
Husband.
Bren, we can't toast baguettes on that, can we?
No, they get stuck.
(to her customer) No, they get stuck, thank you! What a question!
Will you moderate your language please at this very special time? And it would be nice if we could all perhaps spare a thought for the coming of our Lord.
Oh, not him again. We'll be back on Rag, Tag and flipping Bobtail in a minute! Can I just finish me coffee?
Never mind your bloody coffee. Get in the bloody bloody bloody frigging car!
Now that's enough!
Yeah that is enough, actually, Philippa. The traffic will be crawling along anyway, 5 minutes isn't going to make any difference, we've been working really hard as well, you know. Now I don't mind how many "bloody"s you pack into a car, two in the front, two in the back, and a "frigging" on the roof rack, but some people find it offensive.
Thank you.
I don't like 'fart face'. Even after 9:00.
Do you want to know about the traffic? Do you want to know your chances of getting into town this evening in time for HWD Components' once in a lifetime no expense speared Millennium dinner?
Please?
And you don't want it wrapped up? No softening the blow? No words of comfort? No light-hearted little humorous touches?
No.
Here it is, then: there's a riot in the middle of Manchester! There's three naked lads on the roof of The Midland Hotel! Somebody's ramraided the Disney Shop and they've closed the City Centre! They're letting no more cars into town! All the main roads are gridlocked! The Flyover's been coned off, and (approaches Tony) you, and (approaches Jean) you, and (approaches Dolly) you, and (approaches Bren) you, (approaches Philippa) and you are going nowhere!
Thank you.
Don't mention it!
A little baby. What a stupid thing to leave on a fire escape!
That's what it is. I wish I'd met you before.
Before I had chemo?
Before I married an alcoholic? I dunno. Twenty years ago? No, not twenty years ago, I had a perm!
Twenty years ago, I think I did!
Any baby of Petula's would look like something out of the Beano!
Did you drive in Anita? How was the traffic?
The traffic?
Yeah, you know, cars on the road, passing each other?
Didn't come that way.
Yeah, of course you didn't.
Oh, is it going again? No, it's okay. Contact lenses.
No, I liked you in glasses.
Oh, did you?
Hm, they diminished your nostrils.
I'll tell you about the time Keith's Auntie Dot from Cockermouth found two albino gerbils under the spare bed.
Aww. Did they mate?
Well they didn't, what with them being two angora bed socks.
Jean, I have to say it. Excuse me, Dolly, don't listen to this. Keith is an arsehole.
I know, but you con get used to that in a person.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dinnerladies pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
