Men and women have different brains.
Yes, it was in the Daily Mail. Women can't fold maps, and men can't get interested in headboards.
S2 E1Catering
Didn't they teach you anything at school?
How to put a condom on a cucumber
Honestly, what's the point in that?
Be fair Dolly there's not many cucumbers that could manage it for themselves
Get your brain round this Jane. That ladder's stuck, Glen's bustin' for a wee, she's got internal staples, she can't bend down, she can't climb over, she can't go in the cold storage room, she can't get down the fire escape, we don't know if we can hacksaw the ladder. You're Glen what do you do?
Wet myself, it's quicker
Could you not pick her up? Stan, you and Tony could hoick her over!
GGlenda
I've just had an operation!
No offence, Glen but if I pick you up, I'd need a flipping operation
BBetty
Is that ladder stuck?
No, it's an art exhibition!
S2 E2Trouble
Well we can't all swan about ordering toast. Some of us have personal problems.
I know we do! But we don't bring them to work! I lost 8 tropical fish last week in a power cut!
Is there anyone you want to bring?
What 'bring' bring
'Bring' bring? Not, not 'bring' bring, just bring.
You can get phones that do that!
Tony, I've done it again with the mushrooms!
Where was your last job, a crematorium?
PPeggy
What have you been cooking? Food?
S2 E3Holidays
Do you remember where I'm from?
Urmston.
No, I'm from Urmston!
I'm just saving some oxygen for the foetus. (to "foetus") Alright, baba?
CCustomer
Do you have that yogurt for your intestines?
No.
CCustomer
It's advertised with singing bacteria.
Where was this?
CCustomer
Well, this was in Carlisle.
Well, Carlisle! That's a much more gullible part of the country!
S2 E4Fog
I thought you said he looked like Richard Madeley!
I meant Richard Whiteley!
So, you're not pregnant, then?
Not unless sperm can get through a sash window.
It's one of several neglected areas in my life. I've got no sex life, no frying pan and I'm halfway through a tube of toothpaste I absolutely cannot stand!
Aww, I can help you out, Stan!
Aye aye?
I could lend you a wok!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dinnerladies pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.