Mr. O'Neill quotes from Daria

Hi, Daria. What's up?

Daria

I want to volunteer to work on the coffeehouse.

Fantastic! What made you change your mind?

Daria

Did anyone ever make you practice "Pop Goes the Weasel" on the flute every day for a year?

Um, no... but I once had to recite the Gettysburg Address wearing a rainbow wig and panties that said "Tuesday." Whatever made me want to join a fraternity. [laughs] Anyway, that's great! I guess you want to read one of your essays.

Daria

No, I wasn't actually thinking about performing.

Maybe that one about feeling like a big misfit whom everybody hates. The other kids will really relate to that. I know I do.

Daria

I don't know if that's such a great idea. That's the one that compares the sophomore class to barnyard animals. It names names.

Oh, yeah.

Daria

I'm really not much of a performer. I'm thinking more along the lines of fundraising?

Oh. Well, we're selling magazines, CDs, and wrapping paper. Jump in!

Daria

Can I go with my friend Jane?

Sure! She wants to help out?

Daria

Mmm-hmm. She's a big joiner.

Kevin

So, there aren't any atomic communists?

Jane

I wouldn't say that.

Quinn

Don't say anything.

Tiffany

We're dressed this way for Fashion Club solidarity.

One of us has a problem. That's all you need to know.

Oh, dear! What kind of problem?

A private problem.

Stacy

It's a neck zit!

Quinn

Stacy!

Tiffany

Don't worry, Quinn. They still don't know it's you.

Stacy

Uh-oh.

Tiffany

Did I say the wrong thing?

Don't worry about it.

Daria

Let's find someplace we can nap in peace.

Jane

All right. But first, let's gamble all our chips away in one grand, magnificently pointless gesture.

Daria

That's the only kind of gesture I make.

[voiceover] Give away the chips.

Jane

Hey, wouldn't it be ironic if we won?

Number 8.

Daria

So much for irony.

Daria, take my chips.

Daria

Excuse me?

You know, as a thank you for making me want to kill myself a little less than the processed sausages who call themselves your classmates.

Jane

You're not one of those "young people are our greatest hope" guys, are you?

Then you take them, Jane. For being so...

Jane

Yes?

...angular.

Hello, everyone. Hope there aren't any "card sharps" here. [chuckles]

Jane

Hmm. It is tempting. Especially with Mr. O'Neill about to sit down at the poker table.

Daria

I bet he has a good poker face.

Jane

But I'd rather be sleeping. Thanks, anyway.

"Give the chips away..." "Poker face..." Aah! Poker!