Daria Morgendorffer quotes from Daria

Jane

I'm not quite getting this. You ran off because of a fight your parents had 11 years ago?

Daria

It's not the fight. It's the sudden realization that all these years, when I thought they were torturing me, in reality I was the one torturing them.

Jane

First of all, I don't think it's either-or. From where I'm sitting, you and your folks have done a great job of torturing each other. And second of all, you mean to tell me you don't know when you're busting them?

Daria

Yes, I know when I'm busting them. What I didn't realize is what a pain I've been when I thought I was just being me.

Jane

Huh?

Daria

At age 6, I decide I don't need to talk to other kids ever again; my parents are the ones who get called into school. At 12, I decide to try out some Shakespearean insults on my teachers; my parents are the ones who get called into school. At 15, I start writing violent revenge fantasies just to get a reaction...

Jane

Your parents, et cetera, et cetera. Gotcha. But I never got the idea that they minded that much.

Daria

Yeah. Which just makes it even worse.

Jane

You really need to discuss this with them.

Daria

I know, but first I had to talk to someone I could trust.

Jane

Yeah, I'm sorry you didn't make it to the cove.

Daria

I'm not. It would have been good to see Tom, but this way, I got to talk to the person I trust most.

Daria

Now, over here is the lunchroom. As middle school veterans, you already know that this is the center for spitballs, laughing milk up through your nose, and food poisoning of every variety.

Jane

Who here wants to slip me a 20 to point out the popular table so you can start fighting for a seat now?

Daria

Okay. Let's move on to Hell and Purgatory, also known as the gym and locker rooms.

Jane

Where, for 20 bucks, I'll show you which showers haven't been peed in... to my knowledge.

Daria

My friend is just kidding you, of course. They've all been peed in. [she and Jane then begin leading the students towards the gym] Now, as we head for the gym, take special note of the fine industrial grade lockers, which make the perfect noise when you bang your head against them.