I talked to the neighbors, nobody had anything bad to say about Mrs Kelly, in fact they all called her a saint. Specials eds teacher, she's a friend to kids, stray dogs, and anyone with a problem.
Well I must have met her evil clone.
S9 E22The Gone-Dead Train
Tetanus shot hurt more than the crazy lady attacking me.
You going to turn into a vampire now?
Well, I already work nights so I don't think anybody's going to notice.
So Elvis, how'd you get these injuries?
EElvis
I'm a landscaper. Got a lot of cactus orders because of the drought.
Or maybe they're from when you raped your ex, Kayla Newtons.
EElvis
I didn't rape Kay. We had sex.
Open up [swabs him.]
You had the kind of sex where she said no.
Hold on there, Spuds. How much do you weigh?
Uh, excuse you. That's not public information.
SDr. Shaw
I don't know. It's a set-up, I'm being framed.
Who framed you, Roger Rabbit?
S9 E23Hog Heaven
When you're done with fingerprinting, the officer will take you into another room where he'll collect the rest of your clothing.
JJackass
I ain't stripping.
I promise you, jail scrubs are much cleaner and more flattering than the blood and grease soaked homicide evidence that you're currently wearing.
[Hodges gets headbutted by Tonya after he demands she apologizes to Wendy.]
That was stupid.
Oh, chivalry is not dead.
No, but its nose is bleeding.
S9 E24All In
Chill out Conrad, you'll have it on your desk by the end of shift. Yes, I've included a 10% cut across the board, just make sure there's 10% less crime and we'll be fine.
Ah, the 70s. Recession, energy crisis, conflict in the Middle East, my how times have changed.
Least we don't have to put up with disco.
It's an old Hux Club casino chip.
Hampton Huxley, the dead porno mag guy?
No, it's not porno, it's a lifestyle. For one brief shining moment in the 80s scantily-clad Hux Club kittens, serving cocktails and dealing blackjack was the pinnacle of Las Vegas high society.
How'd you get in?
Sadly only through the glossy pages of the magazine, which I purchased for the articles.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.