I can read anyone who walks through this door and know their desires. Sometimes even before they do.
S2 E8Slaves of Las Vegas
I'm that obvious, huh?
Only because you try not to be.
I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship.
We do?
When we have a problem, I don't paint Greg in latex and stick a straw up his nose.
Good. He'd probably like it.
You're supposed to say something revealing back to me.
Okay. I never told anyone this, Catherine......
[screen fades to black]
To get to the evidence, we may destroy the evidence.
Do you get these haiku's out of a book, or do they just come to you?
Every time you find a body, you have to choose a path. And when you take that path, grasshopper, you risk destroying the evidence.
We grab a trough and some fine-mesh screens and pretend like we're panning for gold, Master.
Go ahead, ask. "How can I do this for a living?"
Oh, that's not what I was thinking. [pause] How much does this place clear a week?
Ten grand.
I'm not with the IRS.
Okay. Twenty.
I don't make that in…three months.
Sex pays a lot better than death.
Plus the outfits are cooler.
Well, I have this genius tailor. Worked at the Desert Inn back in the day. I let him come in weekends and play human ashtray, he designs for me and my girls. It's a fair trade.
You got a good thing going here. And the best part is that these guys think getting slapped around and humiliated is their fantasy.
Like I told my daughter—
You got a daughter?
Eighteen this month. Freshman at Harvard.
Really? Mine's seven.
Oh, that's a great age.
Yeah.
When I thought Zoe was old enough to hear it, I told her, "Honey, there are a lot of things you can give a man. Your body, your time, even your heart. But the one thing you can never, ever, ever let go of is your power."
All my mother ever said to me was "Cash up front."
Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you've got everything it takes to make a great dominatrix.
I take that as a compliment.
Well you should. It's just about knowing yourself, being strong…and not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.
Well, death is still a man's business. And I don't have to tell you about police work.
So how do you survive?
By knowing myself. And working hard. And not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.
S2 E9And Then There Were None
Dressed as a woman among men dressed as women. Now, see? That's a disguise.
A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed.
Yeah? Groundbreaking.
During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, "what gorilla?"
That's wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I'll arrest it.
Fluorescent powders?
Ye, why not, they're in the kit.
Protocol's black.
Since when do you care about my choice of powders?
Assistant coroner is four hours late and we are stuck out here until he transports the body and I haven't even heard from Grissom.
You know I've never tried green.
I should never have been sent to this remote scene in the first place I've got seniority, I deserve no, I've earned the right to pick my cases.
[Sara hands her a candy bar]
If I start eating I will shut up.
Do you have a mirror?
Since when do you care about your appearance?... I mean at a crime scene.
It's not for me.
S2 E10Ellie
Whoa. Careful. Livestock. [Holds up his jar of roaches] Hissing roaches from Madagascar.
Sorry.
These babies run two and a half miles an hour.
I don't doubt that for a minute.
Fifth annual entomological convention in Duluth. Cockroach racing finals.
[Grissom pushes the door to his office open and walks in. Catherine follows]
You're roach racing.
Actually, I'm giving a tutorial on preserving mass crime scenes. The sideshow is racing this guys.
Ah.
I mean, to have a chance to run against legendary roaches like Cocky Balboa, The Drain Lover, Priscilla, Queen of the Gutters. It's huge.
What do you feed those guys?
Dog food.
And who's...supervising night shift?
You are.
Me? I am on the red-eye to Reno. The Braun Family is opening a new casino. I am Sam's date.
That's tonight?
I told you once, memo'd you twice. [she sighs. Grissom is distracted by the roaches in the container]
Man, these guys are primed.
[leaving]: Better get somebody.
The job is fine. It's the other stuff -- the personalities.
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
Is that Einstein?
Linus.
Charlie Brown. Figures.
S2 E11Organ Grinder
The average American hotel room is covered with stains invisible to the naked eye.
Yeah, but they're not all biological. Some are soda stains, food stains, whiskey stains, you know.
No matter how clean or expensive the room seems that's why I always travel with nonoxinol nine.
You sound like you're making a commercial.
S2 E12You've Got Male
Sara?
Yeah?
You've got to get out more. [Turns and walks away]
[Shocked, she walks back down the hallway]
S2 E13Identity Crisis
[Nick is examining a car]
Is this the car the guy was killed in?
[Nick is clearly startled]
He was killed in the warehouse. And don't sneak up on a person like that!
Now you know how I feel, like ten times a day.
S2 E14The Finger
Okay, let's run this. Amanda was tired of being number two, so she calls up Mrs. Logan to discuss her affair with her husband. But Mrs. Logan doesn't just discuss it she throws down the gauntlet.
Amanda broke the only rule. Don't call the missus.
Now he really has a problem.
Two problems. His wife is going to leave him, take half his money and he was going to jail.
You got to admit, his solution was ingenious.
Most killers take their time planning a murder. He took his time covering it up. Forty-eight hours to be precise. So Logan cleans up the crime scene and calls his lawyer. Asks him to help him with his little charade. I mean, what better way to protect your assets than to pay a kidnapper who's already on retainer?
Everything from that point on was calculated.
Blood on his hands...he's the last customer of the day at the bank. Acting suspiciously...
...driving recklessly.
He knew he'd get hauled in to the cops.
You bet your ass. He didn't leave those sunglasses behind by accident. His cell phone rang on cue. The call's for me. He practically forced that money into his lawyer's hands.
Out of one pocket, into the other. I especially liked the little show he did for us in the coroner's lab. Trying to find out how much we knew.
Why make the map? Why lead Catherine to the body?
Because without the body Logan would always be under suspicion.
If not by the police, by his wife.
So, he left these wine glasses for you to find.
Sure, we wanted us to suspect the wife. That's why he used her SUV to transport the body. And he let me mark the money because he knew that eventually his lawyer would touch it.
Why though? The money was in a suitcase.
A million dollars. Pretty tempting.
I saw the locker and I saw Logan's briefcase. It was too big to fit inside. His lawyer had to remove the cash by hand.
How could he possibly know that Catherine was going to mark the money?
He didn't. He probably thought the bank marked it.
Besides, there's always fingerprints.
So I did everything in my power to help him.
S2 E15Burden of Proof
[A bug crawls out of the man's shirt]
Oh look, one of your friends.
It's a carpet beetle, it shouldn't be here.
Vic seem more like a hard-wood floor kinda guy to you?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.