Hold my monkey.
S3Dress for Success
You just bought $10,000 worth of stocks in 20 seconds. Congratulations: You're the stupidest man in the world!
Oh yeah? Let's see you do it faster!
Fast is not the point. You have to know what you're investing in. Study the numbers.
Hank, your cousin just called, he said 11 bucks.
[laughs]
Gimme a thousand of this one, … uh … a thousand of this one, uhh … uhh … and two thousand of these.
Well why can't you do that yourself? Did some fictional hooligan steal your make-believe ladder?
It's against the rules. We can each take ten grand, that's it. That's the rules. Without rules nothing makes sense.
With rules this makes no sense.
Wait a minute, this sounds like the perfect game to play somewhere else.
S3Key to the Future
I had a dream about your mom.
You have five seconds to make my skin stop crawling.
S3Dog River Vice
Canada has more Ukrainians than any other country except one. Can you guess which one?
The Ukraine?
Yeah, it's the Ukraine!
Quitting coffee is hard; quittin' knittin' is easy—and fun to say. Quittin' knittin', quittin' knittin', quittin' knittin'.
Do you want some decaf?
Decaf? The "caf" is what I need! The caf is the whole point of this. I'm not just jonesing for some hot brown liquid, with or without caf. I need the caf!
You need therapy. [puts a glass of milk on the counter]
That's not caf, it's for a calf.
S3Will and Brent
Hey, Lacey! I need your boards; I'm up to my armpits in bulletins!
That's almost two feet of bulletins.
S3The Littlest Yarbo
Oscar! I think I just met The Littlest Hobo!
How tall was he? Did he ask you for money?
No, no, no, from the TV show. You know, Canada's Lassie? "There's a voice keeps on calling me …."
A hobo is calling you?
No, Hobo's the dog.
A dog is calling you?
No, the voice is calling the dog.
The dog hears voices!?
S3Mail Fraud
Is Aruba near Cuba?
They don't arrange countries phonetically.
It would be cool if they did, though. Then Canada would be next to … Granada.
It's Grenada.
Yeah, right! And we live in Ca-nay-da. So, did he tell you where he was going next?
Yeah! Yeah, he just landed in Madrid, which is right next to, uh … Fadrid.
Oh! Lucky skunk.
Hank? He's not lucky: He's delusional.
Dear Brent: I know you're on vacation, but if you get the chance, maybe in between your pedicure and your mud bath, can you fix the debit machine like you said you would? All the best, Wanda.
Dear Wanda: You can do it. Sincerely, Brent.
Dear Brent: I don't have the passcodes to fix the machine, now do I? PS Your shirt's ugly.
Where's Incommunicado?
You're familiar with the island of Ignoramus?
Not now. I'm downloading a Google.
That's probably because you hooked your hard drive into the protocol, and using bits to spamming up the Internet
How are we ever going to tell when you actually do lose your mind?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Corner Gas pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.