Right now we're reading Life of Pi.
Oh, a detective novel.
LLacy
What?
You know, PI. Private investigator.
S1Comedy Night
I love books. I'm a voluptuous reader.
S1Hook, Line and Sinker
It would never rain in Dog River if I could squeegee the sky...
It's not childish. Hey, is poop face hyphenated?
I can't believe you're sending me in without back-up.
It's just a fishing trip, Karen.
But it's with Hank, twelve hours, killing fish.
If it gets to you, you don't have to kill 'em, just throw 'em into the lake.
I wasn't worried about the fish.
I wasn't talking about the fish.
Hey Brent. Where do you keep the canned pasta?
Not canned pasta, Alphaghetti! Her memory's going.
I remember. You want Alphaghetti.
If you remember, then why did you bring home Dinoghetti?
What difference does it make?
You can't spell with dinosaurs!
The Alphaghetti's over by the-
I know where it is! I'm still playing with a full deck.
I don't know why you insist on Alphaghetti, you won't even eat the Es.
Oh! Everyone knows you don't eat the Es!
Then why are they in there?
Because they're in the alphabet. You'd know this, if your memory wasn't going.
Come on Oscar. Let's go home, I'll make you some Alphaghetti.
I want the kind with dinosaurs!
I didn't sleep with Hank!
The sign! I just saw the sign!
What kind of sign? The sign of the times?
The first sign of trouble?
The sign of the apocalypse?
No, and for the record, if I do see a sign of the apocalypse, I will say "The Sign is Nigh."
SSign
Come for the oil change, stay for the grease
Hey, what do you think of my new slogan?
I'm changing the sign.
Come on, it's a joke! People like that kind of thing. Plus, I was careful to choose a slogan where the letters couldn't be rearranged to spell anything embarrassing.
What slogan?
"Come for the oil change, stay for the grease."
"Choose Glenn Frey for a ménage à trois."
Don't bother checking it, it's right. Another option would be: "My thighs are hot for goat felons."
S1Face Off
Uh … I came to use your skate sharpener.
Getting ready for the season opener, eh? Geez, I can't wait.
I heard we almost lost Brent.
What do you mean?
The Stonewood Saints asked him to play for their team.
They what? Sons of... How would they like it if we went there and burnt down their rink?
That genuinely seems like an appropriate response to you?
RRRocket Ronnie
Over-celebrating a bit for a tie, aren't we boys?
You're just upset because you didn't win! You poor tie-ers!
Yeah, sleep well tonight knowing you don't suck less than we do!
DRDog River Howler
Riverdogs almost win!
They're frightened and confused by the weird newness.
They're ranklin' at the weird newness.
It's a premature! [meaning offside]
Did you turn it off?
Yes I turned it off.
I think it's having a seizure.
It's okay, the carb's just sucking on the fuel pump.
I feel like we should shoot it.
I'll remember that when you start coughing.
If I ever make sounds like this, I'll welcome the bullet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Corner Gas pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.