The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
I have an idea!
Chang, your last idea was to murder.
S5 E6Analysis of Cork-Based Networking
I guess it could use a little something, theme-wise.
I have an idea. [everyone turns around] Bear down for midterms.
What?
Bear down for midterms.
You can't just repeat it, you need to explain yourself.
There's a brand-new dance
Based on an old phrase
It's called the Fat Dog
And it will amaze
You've heard this expression your entire life
It's not made up,
It's not made up
There's a brand-new dance
Based on an old phrase
It's called the Fat Dog
And it will amaze
You've heard this expression-
IT'S A BEAR DANCE!!
S5 E7Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality
Isn't she great? She's everything I love about America. Bold, opinionated, just past her peak. And starting to realize she that she has to settle for less. And the moment she needs a shoulder to cry on, BAM! [pulls out handkerchief] Huh? The Duncan handkerchief.
Well, I'm out. Have fun circling my former lover, waiting for her to cry. I tried to make that sound good, but, uh, that’s what you’re doing.
Where are we going?
Well, I think you should go home. Because you're having an existential crisis, and the best lesson you could take away from it. Is that you are someone, even when you're by yourself.
I think you're right, thank you. And please don't take offense at this, but thank you for not hitting on me. I was just vulnerable enough to do something really stupid.
[Duncan starts hitting the steering wheel]
What's wrong?
Nothing. Nothing. It's nothing... Th-th-the stupid steering wheel is on the wrong side of the car.
S5 E8App Development and Condiments
Now, Jeffrey, I beg you not to take this risk. You know what they say: Fives have lives, Fours have chores, Threes have fleas, Twos have blues, and Ones don't get a rhyme because they're garbage!
Craig, I got this.
And do I hear correctly that as a Five, you felt you could park in handicapped spots?
KKoogler
Well, you see, that's just part of the Koogler style.
It's human crap style! RATE HIM!
[the assembly of Ones reduce Koogler's Meowmeowbeenz score to one]
KKoogler
Okay, well, that's low...
[the assembly of Ones boos and pelts paper balls at Koogler]
All Fives must be cleansed of their Five filth and reduced to One-ness.
Jeff! Hey! Shirley! I'm not a Five anymore; I'm like everyone else! I'm like everyone else...
Who's next?
Alright, time to pull the plug... Oh, Great Mother of Ones, mustard-faced savior, there is still a Five hiding among us that has not been cleansed.
Nonsense. All Fives were reduced to Oneness in The Great Purge of About Two Minutes Ago.
This Five cheats. It never registered. It was given a Five from outside the system. Behold the Meowmeowbeenz app. Its beta test ended days ago, it's now available in the App Store: 99 cents. Five stars. This Five lied to us, used us, judged us, yet exempts itself from judgement. [assorted boos] And I'm pretty sure it's selling our details to spammers because I'm getting a lot of emails, and trust me, my penis needs no enlargement.
KKoogler
So how do you cleanse a Five that has not been registered?
Delete it. [the assembly of Ones deletes their apps] By the way, guys, it's a Saturday. Uh, you're all in school for nothing. Go home and get some sleep.
No! No! Wait! No, don't go! Where are you going?! No...
S5 E9VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing
Well, I'm a peanut bar and I'm here to say
Your checks will arrive on another day.
Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another dollar.
Another stuffed shirt with another white collar.
Criminals, Wall Street takin' the pie,
All the black man gets is a plate of white lies!
Prisons are recruitin' and police be shootin',
And rap artists lootin' and the labels are dilutin',
and BARACK OBAMA IS SCARED OF ME!
COS I DON'T SWALLOW KNOWLEDGE, AND I SPIT IT FOR FREE!
LET ME CLEAR MY THROAT, HAHAHA-
[Dean Pelton drops microphone in horror]
...I don't know what that was... I don't...
Flip a coin?
Coins create parallel timelines.
Rock Paper Scissors?
That's a nine-sided coin.
S5 E10Advanced Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
Guys, let's play D&D to help Hickey reconnect with his son!
Was everyone's take-away from last time that we can use D&D to reprogram brains? Nobody feels that we almost caused a suicide?
We prevented one. Fa...bulous Neil felt like a nobody, and thanks to us, he's still out there, doing this and that in the background. [Neil walks by in the background]
A satisfying sequel is difficult to pull off. Many geniuses have defeated themselves through hubris, making this a chance to prove I'm better than all of them... I'm in!
HHHank Hickey
Look, you think I'm the bad guy because I didn't invite him to my son's birthday. But you know where he was for most of my birthdays? Little place that rhymes with "not there."
Times Square?
S5 E11G.I. Jeff
G.I. Joe is the code name for America's daring, awesomely-trained, awesome mission force. Its purpose: to fight Cobra, because they're terrorists. Look, I think I'm over-explaining it: the bad guys are snakes and the good guys are Army people.
WWingman (Jeff)
You guys are my friends in real life. This is my imagination or something.
VCVice Cobra Assistant Commander (Dean)
Freeze, everybody! Don't make me zap you!
WWingman
Craig, it's me. Jeff.
Oh, Jeffrey! Are you okay?
FWFourth Wall (Abed)
No, he's not. Take it from an expert in delusion: If Jeff is hallucinating something this cool, something's wrong. He needs to get back.
S5 E12Basic Story
This inspection is going to be the most boring thing to happen here since Britta dated Troy.
I know how much you feel for the campus, Jeff. I know how much you feel in general, and I know you think it's a weakness, but believe me. It's your strength.
You got something in your teeth.
Mhm. You got something in your chest.
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