DanteI found a yearbook. Look, there I am in the team picture.
Voiced by Brian O'Halloran
Clerks: The Animated Series · 38 quotes
Most-quoted character in Clerks: The Animated Series: in 23 of its 38 quotes
Most scenes with: Randal (13), Leonardo (4), Jay (3)
Lines by Dante 1
DanteScenes with Dante 22
DanteWhat were you thinking, Silas?
SSilas
I-I'm s-sorry, Mr. Dante, but they said you wouldn't care because your expectations for a fair deal have been dulled after years spent at this soul-crushing, less-than-minimum-wage hellhole.
DanteYou got me there.
[After Leonardo has just unveiled the newly constructed Leonardo Tower]
DanteI find it hard to believe that no one noticed that either.
It looks like a big bong!
[A small dog walks by]
[pointing at the dog] Hey, that looks like a big bong, too!
For too long, the miserable corner store has been a haven for ludicrous price gouging, and rude, poorly-trained clerks.
DanteYou think he's talking about us?
No.
With names like 'Dante', and 'Handel'.
Randal!
Today marks the dawn of a new era. I give you, the people of Leonardo - the future!
[Pulls rope, unveiling another massive building]
[Crowd is silent, except for an isolated cough]
...It's a new convenience store! Quick-ER Stop!...Eh? Yes?
[Crowd begins cheering]
DanteThis doesn't bode well for us.
Quicker Stop...I don't get it.
Now that's the ugliest damn bong I've ever seen!
[Dante and Randal walking along a building by rope]
We're almost there.
[A flower pot falls horizontally and breaks]
DanteWhy are we walking like this?
[The camera turns revealing they were walking on level ground]
[Dante and Randal talking to Leonardo Leonardo regarding his newly built desk.]
What do you think of my desk? I made it myself. And I have all these pieces left.
DanteIt uh…looks great.
It's a piece of crap. It looks like it was built by a Re-Re.
DanteWhat are you doing?!
Ah hah! It does, doesn't it!
DanteI hope there are no hard feelings, sir.
Well played, clerks. I underestimated you once, but never again. I vow that my vengeance won't be swift or entertaining. I will draw it out over decades in such a subtle fashion that you'll have to wonder whether the misery in your life is either manifest or the machinations of Leonardo Leonardo or . . . a third thing. Good evening.
Good morning.
DanteIt's 11:59.
Still technically the morning.
LLocksmith
He's got you there!
[Flashback to when Dante and Randal were working in Ye Olde Quick Stoppe in England.]
CCustomer
Pack of fags.
You're a fag!
CCustomer
It's a cigarette, mate.
I'm not your mate, fag!
[Randal jumps over the counter and tackles the customer. Back to present.]
DanteBoy, it wasn't until years later that we found out what "fag" really meant. Right, mate?
[shoves Dante] You're a fag!
DanteNo, a fag's a cigarette, remember?
[shoves Dante again] You're a cigarette!
I remember when we were by this metal thing with a knob...
[Jay and Bob unlock door and jump into freezer]
Snooch to the nooch!
DanteOf course we remember that, that was five minutes ago.
Like Deja-frickin'-vu.
DanteWell, that was pointless.
Yeah.
Look how scared he is. He's shaking.
DanteNo, he's masturbating.
Yeah, but it's out of fear.
Follow me to the Command Center.
DanteThis is just a coffee machine.
(annoyed) Welcome to the Command Center!.
DanteNo, I know there's no virus, because you think there is. Name me one time you've been right about anything.
RRandall
What about that time I said "there's two great jobs down at the Block of Stores? Excellent pay, huge opportunities for advancement, we'll do it for six months and then move on"? [Realizes] Oh, my God! You're right, I'm always wrong!
Show us on the doll where they touched you!
DanteNobody touched me.
Who was it? There's no hiding from your past! Who touched you?
DanteI hate you.
[Randal calls Dante at 7:59 to tell him he can take care of the Quick Stop by himself.]
Dante[sleepily] Just call if you need anything.
[on the phone] Oh, like that'll happen.
[Dante hangs up the phone the clock turns to 8:00. The phone rings. Dante Picks up the phone and hears glass breaking and screaming.]
DanteHello?!
Umm...hello.
DanteWhat's all that racket?!
That's..the..TV.
AGAngry Guy on phone
I'm gonna burn this place to the ground and pee pee on the ashes!!
DPDante[Panicky]
Oh my God, who's that?!
That...that's Regis.
AGAngry Guy
Who are you talking to, BOY?!! [more glass breaking] Answer me!!!
AGAngry Guy 2
Maybe he'll answer to this!
[chainsaw revs up and more screaming is heard]
DanteRandal!
Maybe you better get down here.
Hey, are you the biggest idiot ever?
DanteNo, you are.
Okay, this isn't a dream then.
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