A character in Clerks: The Animated Series
Voiced by Brian O'Halloran
Clerks: The Animated Series · 38 quotes
Most-quoted character in Clerks: The Animated Series: in 23 of its 38 quotes
Most scenes with: Randal (13), Leonardo (4), Jay (3)
[Dante and Leonardo wobble through the school trophy hallway, drunk.]
DanteStupid reunion.
Yeah, stupid.
DanteLook at that trophy. I never won a trophy! And now they don't even remember me! I was the manager!
I was the manager of...
DanteStupid team. I'd like to take this trophy and go baseball... Good night.
[Dante passes out and Leonardo follows.]
I don't see any manager.
DanteSee? I'm right there, that's my arm. They cropped me out.
Right.
DanteWhat about this picture? It proves I was the team manager.
Yearbook photos are pretty easy to fake. See?
All right! Anyone who was ever remotely connected to the baseball team, there's gonna be a private party in my van. BYOB. But first, let's beat this guy up again for trying to be like us even though he's still different.
DanteOkay, that's it. We're going back to our roots! Nothing but old school Clerks!
[cartoon animals come out of nowhere]
Yup! We're keepin' it real!
Those rides are put together by junkies and alcoholics.
DanteNo they're not.
Do you guys sell Elmer's Glue and thumbtacks? We're trying to put together a Tilt-A-Whirl.
Do you guys sell black tar heroin?
DanteNo, and no.
Well, rubber bands it is.
DanteI've gotta try Caitlin again. She's gonna think I stood her up!
Ah, the old "stand 'em up and make 'em think you couldn't care less about 'em". Randal's first rule of dating etiquette.
DanteYou haven't had a date in two years!
Randal's second rule of dating etiquette.
DanteWhat?! Caitlin has a kissing booth? Like for charity?
Yeah, only it don't cost nothin', and it's not for charity.
[Jay leaves, and comes back in a short time later.]
And there's no booth.
[Jay leaves and comes back again.]
And it's more than just kissing.
[Jay leaves and comes back again.]
And you don't have to be a guy.
[Jay leaves and comes back again.]
Dude, she's cheating on you.
DanteI told you hating the Golden Girls would result in something like this!
I regret nothing! Sic semper, Bea Arthur.
[Dante and Randal in a blank room]
DanteWhere are we?
This is The Matrix, Neo.
DanteI'm not Neo, and this isn't The Matrix.
Oh yeah? Beef jerky.
[rows of jerky suddenly appear, Randal takes one and eats it]
Mmm, The Matrix is telling my brain this is turkey jerky.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Clerks: The Animated Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
