TV show quotes
Characters
DanteBrian O'Halloran · 23 quotes
RandalJeff Anderson · 17 quotes
JayJason Mewes · 8 quotes
LeonardoAlec Baldwin · 5 quotes
Major BaklavaJames Woods · 3 quotes
Silent BobKevin Smith · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Dante & Randal (13), Dante & Leonardo (4), Dante & Jay (3)
What were you thinking, Silas?
I-I'm s-sorry, Mr. Dante, but they said you wouldn't care because your expectations for a fair deal have been dulled after years spent at this soul-crushing, less-than-minimum-wage hellhole.
You got me there.
After years abroad and seeing all there is to see in New Jersey; schooled at Eton and Oxford, New Jersey; I am come to stay!
Don't you know?! He has returned!
Uh, oh.... Jesus?
[After Leonardo has just unveiled the newly constructed Leonardo Tower]
I find it hard to believe that no one noticed that either.
It looks like a big bong!
[A small dog walks by]
[pointing at the dog] Hey, that looks like a big bong, too!
For too long, the miserable corner store has been a haven for ludicrous price gouging, and rude, poorly-trained clerks.
You think he's talking about us?
No.
With names like 'Dante', and 'Handel'.
Randal!
Today marks the dawn of a new era. I give you, the people of Leonardo - the future!
[Pulls rope, unveiling another massive building]
[Crowd is silent, except for an isolated cough]
...It's a new convenience store! Quick-ER Stop!...Eh? Yes?
[Crowd begins cheering]
This doesn't bode well for us.
Quicker Stop...I don't get it.
Now that's the ugliest damn bong I've ever seen!
[Dante and Randal walking along a building by rope]
We're almost there.
[A flower pot falls horizontally and breaks]
Why are we walking like this?
[The camera turns revealing they were walking on level ground]
[Dante and Randal talking to Leonardo Leonardo regarding his newly built desk.]
What do you think of my desk? I made it myself. And I have all these pieces left.
It uh…looks great.
It's a piece of crap. It looks like it was built by a Re-Re.
What are you doing?!
Ah hah! It does, doesn't it!
I hope there are no hard feelings, sir.
Well played, clerks. I underestimated you once, but never again. I vow that my vengeance won't be swift or entertaining. I will draw it out over decades in such a subtle fashion that you'll have to wonder whether the misery in your life is either manifest or the machinations of Leonardo Leonardo or . . . a third thing. Good evening.
Hi. I'm Jay.
and I'm Silent Bob.
and I'm Charles Barkley.
What the hell are you doin' here?
Good morning.
It's 11:59.
Still technically the morning.
He's got you there!
If we had a lightsaber, I could voom-voom, snikt, snikt, snikt, woooaaa Jedi, slice up tubby here (gesturing to Silent Bob), crawl inside him and we could stay warm for the night.
[Flashback to when Dante and Randal were working in Ye Olde Quick Stoppe in England.]
Pack of fags.
You're a fag!
It's a cigarette, mate.
I'm not your mate, fag!
[Randal jumps over the counter and tackles the customer. Back to present.]
Boy, it wasn't until years later that we found out what "fag" really meant. Right, mate?
[shoves Dante] You're a fag!
No, a fag's a cigarette, remember?
[shoves Dante again] You're a cigarette!
I remember when we were by this metal thing with a knob...
[Jay and Bob unlock door and jump into freezer]
Snooch to the nooch!
Of course we remember that, that was five minutes ago.
Like Deja-frickin'-vu.
Well, that was pointless.
Yeah.
Oh my god! It's Jay and Silly Bob!
That's Silent Bob.
And NBA great Charles Barkley!
Hi, kids!
I thought we told you to get outta here!
Look how scared he is. He's shaking.
No, he's masturbating.
Yeah, but it's out of fear.
(The Chief of Police, dressed as the McDonald's character Officer Big Mac, is holding a press conference about the deadly Mutaba Virus)
Will this administration ever bring the Hamburglar to justice?
No!... Yes... Look, does anyone have a question about the deadly virus that could kill us all?
Could the virus kill the Grimace?
Nothing can kill the Grimace.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Clerks: The Animated Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.