Morgan Grimes quotes from Chuck

Morgan

What happened, Chuck? You used to be cool.

Chuck

I used to be cool? When, when was that? When we were 13? Well, I hate to go changing on you, buddy, but if you hadn't noticed we are now, chronologically speaking, adults. So, unless you want to work retail for the rest of your life and, by the way, drag me down with you in the process, I would suggest that you grow up!

Morgan

Chuck, we have an emergency. We need to talk.

Chuck

I'm on the phone.

Morgan

Shh, not here, not here; there are spies at the Buy More.

Chuck

[hangs up the phone] Spies, really?

Morgan

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tang's minions, they're everywhere! He's like the dark Lord Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Only instead of the ring of power he's taken over control of the assistant manager-ship.

Chuck

Yeah, from me, right thanks for the reminder.

Morgan

You got it, man. Listen we need your help, Chuck.

Chuck

Me, what am I suppose to do? I'm just...

Morgan

One small hobbit? So thought Frodo Baggins, my friend; so thought Frodo Baggins!

Chuck

I'm sorry, but was Harry wearing the new assistant manager polo shirt?

Morgan

It's monogrammed.

Chuck

He must be stopped.

Chuck

No more Wednesday/Friday surf and turf?

Morgan

Harry Tang is drunk with power!

Anna

He could have an accident.

Anna

I'm just sayin', I know a guy, very reasonable...His rates, I mean, not him.

Morgan

Way to think outside of the box, Anna, me likey! What do you say Chuck?

Chuck

Are you two crazy? What? No! I'm not gonna have a guy rubbed out just because he upsets our lunch routine!

Chuck

You didn't offer to kill Harry for Anna did you?

Casey

No. Why, you want me to kill him?

Chuck

No! No, just curious...

Awesome

So, Thanksgiving. We're all supposed to say what we're thankful for. I'm thankful for the most beautiful woman in the world, Ellie Bartowski.

Morgan

Good call.

Anna

Morgan.

Morgan

Aww, right.

Ellie

That's sweet, honey. I am thankful for my family and my friends.

Casey

I pass.

Awesome

Chuck.

Chuck

I'm thankful that Bryce Larkin is dead. And is not currently in my bedroom making out with my new girlfriend.

Casey

[gets the hint and leaves the table] Excuse me, please.

Morgan

Wow, buddy, that was, um, really dark.

Awesome

And specific.

Morgan

A relationship is built on trust, Chuck. Sex and trust. Am I right?

Chuck

Yeah, yeah, two big prerequisites I guess.

So, Morgan, you work at Buy More.

Morgan

Yes sir, that's correct. And Anna will tell you that I got the old nose to the grind stone. Not literally, of course, because that would hurt.

And is that where you see yourself in, say, five years?

Morgan

That's a tough question. I can tell you where I don't want to see myself in five years. Prison. Or under house arrest. Doing anything that involves a lot of chopping. Deep knee bends. No nudity.

Morgan

This is just getting a little personal.

Casey

Right, new tactic. You finish the story or I put your head through the wall.

Morgan

Okay, someone wasn't hugged enough as a child.

Chuck

Buddy, what've I told you about direct confrontation with the Mighty Jocks, Mitt specifically?

Morgan

Run with my tail between my legs and go get John Casey.

Chuck

[watching Lester's sales policy in action] That's gonna end badly.

Morgan

I know. I know, Chuck. That's part of the fun.

Chuck

Oh, and I'm gonna need to borrow your girlfriend.

Morgan

Oh, dude she's all yours.

Chuck

Morgan! Hey, ah, buddy, do-do we carry any Rush CDs in the store?

Morgan

No need. I got them all in my Zune.

Chuck

You have a Zune?

Morgan

Are you kidding me? No, no. I'll grab my iPod.

Morgan

Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it gets permanently burnt into your brain?

Chuck

...I don't know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.

Morgan

Gentlemen, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible.

Morgan

The big man has made that dream a reality.

Lester

The man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.

Jeff

Until his old lady dumped him.

Morgan

We're screwed! I mean screwed now that he has nothing to live for except work.

Jeff

Yeah, but how do we get Mrs. Big Mike to take him back?

Lester

How do you mend a broken heart?

You mean, how do we get him laid? I'm sorry to interrupt this little meeting of the minds but you're not the only ones who find this new regime insufferable. It's obvious our rotund leader is channeling his sexual energies into the Buy More. In my opinion your only hope......

Morgan

Is to channel him back into sex. Brilliant, Emmett. But where do we find Big Mike a ridiculous, out of his league hottie?

Lester

Someone to suck his will to work out of him.

Jeff

Not at the Bennigan's Bar.

Lester

Sometimes the fruit hangs a little too low.

Where do you meet people where you don't have to pay for sex?

Jeff

Does it shock you that 80% of my encounters with women have been completely without their knowledge?

Chuck

Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20%. But look, buddy, I know you're going through a tough time, but I don't feel comfortable stalking another human being.

Morgan

Dude, it's not stalking, okay? It's caring enough about someone to learn things about them they won't tell you themselves.

Chuck

Which is stalking.