“Chuck Versus the Suburbs” quotes from Chuck

Morgan

Gentlemen, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible.

Morgan

The big man has made that dream a reality.

Lester

The man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.

Jeff

Until his old lady dumped him.

Morgan

We're screwed! I mean screwed now that he has nothing to live for except work.

Jeff

Yeah, but how do we get Mrs. Big Mike to take him back?

Lester

How do you mend a broken heart?

You mean, how do we get him laid? I'm sorry to interrupt this little meeting of the minds but you're not the only ones who find this new regime insufferable. It's obvious our rotund leader is channeling his sexual energies into the Buy More. In my opinion your only hope......

Morgan

Is to channel him back into sex. Brilliant, Emmett. But where do we find Big Mike a ridiculous, out of his league hottie?

Lester

Someone to suck his will to work out of him.

Jeff

Not at the Bennigan's Bar.

Lester

Sometimes the fruit hangs a little too low.

Where do you meet people where you don't have to pay for sex?

Chuck

Well, gotta run. You know how it is... the old ball and chain.

Listen Charles, I just live right across the street. So... call me, when the honeymoon's over. I've got a chain too.

Chuck

Well, no flashes, no nothing . I think our neighbors are clean. Except for that lady across the street. She's got a dirty mouth.

Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

Chuck

Charles Carmichael always comes quickly.

Casey

[over watch-phone] Smooth, Bartowski.

Chuck

Casey, I'm handcuffed.

Casey

Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.

Chuck

Really?

Casey

Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is apply torsional pressure until it snaps.

Chuck

I'm not going to break my bone!

Casey

Well in that case, you are screwed!

Ellie

Well, what happened? What went wrong?

Chuck

I guess something that's been wrong from the start. You know?

Ellie

Are... you guys aren't breaking up, are you?

Chuck

No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Sarah's not going anywhere.

Ellie

Chuck, I guess I, I don't--I don't know what you're saying exactly.

Chuck

Look El, I know how much you love Sarah. And I know how much you love the idea of us, and us moving forward with you and Devon, but we're not anything like you guys.

Ellie

But you guys seem so perfect.

Chuck

Yeah, I know. I guess, but being in that house with her, it was so close to being perfect. The way I had pictured it would be. Then I realized what was wrong with that picture... And it was us. Sarah and I are never going to be anything more than we are now. But you know what? I'm okay with that.