Big Mike quotes from Chuck

Big Mike

Mornings are for reflection and pastry.

Big Mike

[about Jeff and Lester] Sweet Lord, they did it. They actually did it. Those crazy nerds blew up the freaking Buy More!

Big Mike

[referring to Las Vegas] It's about high stakes, and gambling, and getting into some weird stuff that just might haunt you for the rest of your life.

Big Mike

I want customers to remember the true meaning of Christmas and get back to what you're supposed to be doing -- buying stuff.

Chuck

Something came up.

Big Mike

Is that something more important than being assistant manager? Is it more important than handing over your promotion to Tang? [He becomes distraught] Please, Chuck, is it more important than Big Mike's relaxation?!?

Chuck

Look, Big Mike, there are just some things in life that are just more important than the Buy More.

Big Mike

You mean like fishin' and danish?

We're the flagship store, we should get those computers--

Big Mike

Flagship of my ass; now get out of here, Barkley.

Big Mike

I'm not gonna lie to you, boys. Bartowski is killing it with the ladies.

Lester'

I know. First there was that hot girl from Stanford..,

Jeff

Jill. Then there was that brunette with the overpriced deli...

Big Mike

Lou. She was a fine, miniature piece of woman.

Lester'

And now Hannah! I'd like to moisturize her feet with my saliva.

Jeff

Don't you get it? None of them matter. Chuck may try to replace her...but when he's with Sarah, the light in his eyes shines brightly.

Big Mike

[tearing up] Damn onions.

Well, it's an interesting group of employees you've put together here.

Big Mike

Oh, they scare me too. Ha ha ha,

Casey

You're not serious think that new clothes are gonna somehow make me, less me, do you?!

Big Mike

What I do know, Is to get your head right, you gotta get your threads right. Now get on the box and let Clarence put new feathers on you.

Morgan

I just want you to know that I'm really sorry about the ring.

Big Mike

Marriage isn't about a ring. It's a lifelong commitment of compassion and understanding. Especially for your spouse's idiot relations. All is forgiven.

Big Mike

What happened to you two? You smell like vomit and Cheerios.

Ellie

We had a baby.

Morgan

You really love it here, don't you?

Big Mike

Like a turkey loves Thanksgiving.