Each line represents how far the last person was able to carry the Farfel.
CChowder
[spots a line with Shnitzel's name on it] Hey, this one says "Shnitzel."
[wakes up] Shnitzel?! Have you come to gloat on victories past?
CChowder
No. Shnitzel's totally weak now. He can't even lift a pickle jar.
[Shnitzel groans and cries]
[laughs] Can't even lift a pickle jar. How does that make you feel, little man? Does it burn you with shame? [sniffs] Ahhh. I can smell your failure. It's a most delicious aroma.
Use that shame, Shnitzel! Be its master, poke it in the gut, call it "Grandpa." We'll whip up that mushy body of yours back into shape, and when you can move the farfel, you will once more be strong!
Regain your former glory, Shnitzel, or be squashed like a BUG!
RReuben
I guess now you'll be taking care of me forever.
CChowder
I don't think so.
CChowder
I used to think a dead rat was just a delicious-sounding treat, but I learned rats are more than that. They're hideous, disease-ridden scavengers. I may not look like you on the outside, 'cause I wear clothes. But on the inside, where it counts, we're exactly the same - starving!
CSChowder's Tummy
[whimpering] Mr. Tummy's gonna die!
CChowder
He may have been bigger and stronger, but he was crazier! [starts crying] I MISS SHNITZEL! WHY?!
Chowder, please! Come on now! If you start crying, I'll start crying. [starts crying as well] I miss him, too! [cries, then stops; determined] One way or another, we're gonna get our crazy rock monster back!
[End of Act 1]
CChowder
[lands on Gorgonzola] My tushy feels warm.
[lifts Chowder off himself] Get...off...me, Chowder!
CChowder
Guess what, Gorgonzola. Mung says I'll get ultimate thrice cream if I win!
You will not be winning anything.
Because I'M going to make sure YOU lose.
CChowder
Just because why?
CChowder
Well, which is it? Are you gonna make sure I'm gonna lose just because you said so, or did you say so just because you’re gonna make sure I'm gonna lose?
[enraged and irritated] STOP TALKING!
CChowder
So, do you want me to stop talking and lose, or lose and stop talking?
[Chowder and Gorgonzola wash up on shore after Chowder saved him from drowning]
[coughing] Chowder, you...you...you saved my life.
CChowder
Come back to me, Gorgonzola. Come back to me. You've got so much to live for.
I just said, "you saved my life."
CChowder
I feel like we were just starting to become friends. And now...now you are gone forever!
[springs off from Chowder's arms; annoyed] I'M NOT DEAD!
CChowder
Gorgonzola! You're alive! Oh, thank goodness! I was starting to fall into this really dark depression. I mean, we've lost every event, Mung's disappointed in me, and then, I nearly drowned my new best friend!
Well, while I DO have to draw the line at the word "friend," you DID, technically, just save my life.
Yeah, so I guess you're not a total waste.
CChowder
I guess you're not a solid waste, either.
[to himself; annoyed] I'm gonna kill him.
CChowder
It breaks my heart to see you in so much pain. Would it help to talk about it?
CChowder
Stilton's hard on you, huh?
CChowder
That's just the pain talking.
CChowder
Does he blow his burps at you?
[bursts into tears; crying emotionally] I try so hard!
CChowder
I know you do. But the truth is, you can't help being the dirty ragamuffin you are, any more than I can help being the loveable dumpling I am. But quite frankly, if that's not good enough for Mung, and Stilton, then, well, sir, that's just not right! [slurps some of Gorgonzola's tears]
That's it! We need to go back and reclaim our dignity.
CChowder
Is that a new flavor of thrice cream?
[to himself; annoyed] So gonna kill him… really.
We have all been gone crazy.
Right. Medals are meaningless.
SStilton
Absolute meaningless.
[The three masters start fighting over the gold medals]
So, what do you guys wanna do now?
CChowder
I want to buy the ultimate thrice cream Mung promised me, with these two shiny gold sments I found! [holds up the two gold medals, revealing the ones that their masters are fighting over were fakes] Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Hey, Chowder, want to run for president?
CChowder
No thanks. I'm really more of a walker.
[swipes the lollipop out of Chowder's hand and uses it to hypnotize him] Look into the lollipop, Chowder. Look into the lollipop.
CChowder
[being hypnotized] Yes, Master Lollipop.
You will run for president, and Gorgonzola will be your vice president.
CChowder
I will run- [snaps out of the hypnotizing] wait, wait, wait a minute! Girl, you crazy.
As president, you can ban Panini from being your girlfriend.
[draws a mustache and beard on Panini's poster; to Chowder] Pretty clever, eh, pudge?
CChowder
Mmm, is she supposed to be French?
[scoffs] No. She's supposed to be ugly. It's defamation of character.
CChowder
Oh. Because French people are ugly?
CChowder
Ohh! If she's French, you should draw a beret! It'll help.
CChowder
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
[puts the lollipop in front of Chowder's face to hypnotize him] You will obey, obey, obey.
CChowder
I’m gettin' tired of Master Lollipop.
[now holding a cinnamon roll bun] Master Cinnamon Swirl says you will kiss babies to win.
CChowder
Yes, Master Cinnamon Swirl!
Oh, I gotta try that on mother.
CChowder
[puts on a knight's helmet] PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME, PANINI!
I...I... [breaks down, crying] I JUST WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, CHOWDER! I just wanted to pass laws that would legally make you my property! And instead, you listened to Gorgonzola and ruin EVERYTHING! [sobbing] WHY?! [slams her head on the podium] WHY?! WHY?!
Oh, my gosh, Panini! Are you okay?!
[angrily through her teeth] Yes, Ceviche, I'm fine. Now go away so I can finish my moment. [Ceviche leaves; resumes sobbing] WHY?!
CChowder
Don't cry. I wasn't listening to Gorgonzola. I was just hanging around with him because he was giving me food. He's my friend.
He's not your friend. He's like a villain or something.
[dressed as the Phantom of the Opera] Heeey, Mr. President.
CChowder
[screams] A VILLAIN!!!
[appears] A villain, you say?!
You'll never take me alive, copper! [runs off, leaving Officer Sloppy Joe to follow pursuit]
[looks at the clock which is past 9’o’clock] Actually, it looks like it’s way past your bedtime.
Come on! Let’s get you ready for Dreamland.
CChowder
But we’ve only done half of the list!
Chowder, if there’s one thing that mother’s taught me, it’s to sleep as much as you can. That way, you don’t have to face the horrible reality of what your life’s become.
CChowder
[out of control] HIDE AND SEEK! READY, SET, GO!!!
[Gazpacho’s “Hommina Hommina Hommina”]
CChowder
Alright, if you’re gonna cry about it, I’ll go to bed!
Huh? [screams in terror] Hommina, Hommina, Hommina, Hommina!
CChowder
What’s your “Hommina, Hommina, Hommina” about, Gazpacho?
You! You’re dead! RIGHT THERE ON THE FLOOR!
CChowder
Well, this is definitely my hat. [gets his hat, then wears it back on again] And, [takes a smell] it does smell like me… [puts it near to his ear] …and sound like me… [puts it into his mouth] …and tastes like me. Who knew I was so delicious? I’M DEAD?!?! [Gazpacho walks backwards as Chowder walks to Gazpacho] But- but I’m still here! Look!
[Gazpacho running with Chowder]
So this is the other side. Hmm. Looks- looks pretty much like our side now.
EEndive
[bursts through the door screaming]
CGChowder and Gazpacho
ENDIVE’S ANGRY SPIRIT! AAAH! [they skyrocket from the fountain]
[as Chowder runs aside him] Run, Chowder! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T LOOK BACK!! [Endive keeps on running after them as Chowder runs by Gazpacho’s side]
[a saxophone is heard playing jazz]
CChowder
I’M BLIND! I’M BLIIND!!!
That’s the wrong drawing! Here we go! [shows a drawing of Schnitzel in the bath tub while covering his private parts with the yellow shower curtain]
CChowder
AAAH! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!!!!!
SSchitzel
Radda! Radda Radda Radda Radda?
Chowder · 151 quotes
