Cheers Season 9 quotes

Sam

Hey, this had been driving me crazy. I got to know something Paul.

Paul

What Sam?

Sam

I'll try to put this as delicately as I can because you're my friend and I like ya and I don't want to insult ya. Why would any girl be caught dead with you when she could be with me?

Paul

You thought that would offend me?

Sam

I'm serious. What did you do? Slip her a mickey or something?

Paul

Well since you asked me so nicely Sam, I'll tell ya. Paula is what we like to refer to as a chubby chaser.

Sam

You're kidding. You mean she like to go out with guys who are uh...

Paul

Portly Sam. The word is portly.

Lilith

I don't know how comfortable I feel with this setup. He's just a baby. He needs supervision.

Frasier

Well Sam can take care of him.

Lilith

I'm talking about Sam. You know how out of control he can get at times. What a mess he can make.

Frasier

Sam can clean it up.

I'm talking about Sam.

Frasier

Darling, it will just be for a few hours.

Lilith

All right but if anything goes wrong he could be scarred for life.

Frasier

You mean Sam, right.

Lilith

Yes and it's a threat.

Sam

Say Carla, I'm babysitting tonight. You got any advice for me?

Carla

Sure. Here's everything you need to know about babies. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby stick a bottle in their mouth.

Sam

Great, okay, good.

Okay I'm ready.

Carla

Here's everything you need to know about customers. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby, just stick a bottle in their mouths.

Frasier

[about Frederick and Sam] Isn't it sweet? My son and babysitter passed out in a bar.

Sam

Do you think guys have a biological clock? You know like they know it's time to have a kid.

Carla

Oh yeah. Usually when they say, "Hey Carla, you want to go out tonight?"