Sam Malone quotes from Cheers

Diane

Sam, let's talk.

Sam

There's nothing to talk about.

Diane

It's important. Come back to the office now.

Carla

Uh oh. Sammy's in trouble with Miss Chambers again.

[chanting] Sam's in trouble with Miss Chambers, Sam's in trouble with Miss Chambers....

Sam

Listen before you came to work at this bar I never thought that much about morality and integrity. You made me aware of all that stuff for the first time.

Diane

Thank you, Sam.

Sam

That's why I'm firing you. You can leave your apron right there on the counter.

Sam

[about some gay customers] What do you think I should say to them?

Diane

Oh well, it's very very simple. Just walk up and say hello we're a group of sniveling bigots and we don't care for your kind.

Cliff

That's good.

Sam

Would you just admit that you're hung up on me, dammit?!!

Diane

I am not!

Sam

You are too!

Diane

I am not!

Sam

You are too!

Norm

Please, please, do you think I would behave this way in your home?

Diane

I sold out womankind for a trip to Bermuda.

Sam

Come on, don't feel so bad. Most people would have done it for the dry cleaning.

Sam

You're in a pretty good mood tonight.

Diane

Why not? Last night I was up till two in the morning finishing off Kierkegaard.

Sam

I hope he thanked you for it.

Coach

Let me give the sign.

Sam

I don't know, isn't it kinda tricky?

Well, he is the last person Harry would suspect to be in on anything clever.

Carla

Hey Sam, you want me to hang around until your date gets here.

Sam

No, you probably want to get on home.

Carla

Are you kiddin'? It's two a.m., my kids might be there.

Sam

Listen I think you and Derek will make a great match.

Diane

Really?

Sam

Yeah, you both think you're perfect and one of you is right.

Sam

You are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met!

Diane

You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered son-of-a--

Sam

Shut up! Shut your fat mouth!

Diane

Make me!

Sam

Make you?... My God I'm, I'm gonna... I'm gonna bounce you off every wall in this office!

Diane

Try it and you'll be walking funny tomorrow... or should I say funnier?

Sam

You know... you know I always wanted to pop you one! Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?

Diane

You disgust me! I hate you!

Sam

Are you as turned on as I am?

Diane

More!

Sam

Bet me. [They kiss, fade to black]

Sam

Now I'm going to nibble on your ear.

Diane

Don't tell me you're going to nibble on my ear...

Diane

You've been with a lot of women.

Sam

No, I have not. There have not been that many women. I just exaggerated here in the bar. There have not been that many.

Diane

How many have there been?

Sam

Oh, I don't know. Maybe four hun-- [Diane gasps] Honeys. Honeys. Four honeys.

Sam

First of all nobody resigns from a bar and second of all nobody resigns in Latin.

Cliff

It's French, Sammy.

Diane

You didn't shave.

Sam

Oh no no. I needed a new place to scratch.

Sam

[Calling Carla in a hotel room, worried Hank may die if he's allowed to have sex with her] What should I say?

Norm

Ask her to look next to her and count the dead people.

Sam

Coach, I'm having blackouts!

Coach

Kinda nice break in the day, isn't it, Sam?