Sam Malone quotes from Cheers

Sam

What are you doing there?

Woody

Miss Howe put moi in charge of refreshments for the book club.

Sam

Yeah, but what are those?

Woody

Finger sandwiches. You know, the part that takes the most time is getting that middle knuckle right.

Sam

Woody, they don't actually have to look like fingers.

Woody

Yeah right.

Sam

[about Rebecca] This is getting insulting. You know I don't think she respects us.

Woody

What do you mean "us", Sam? You're the one who goofed up that champagne thing.

Sam

Come on, man. We're a team.

Woody

Is that the insulting part?

Rebecca

Did you get a chance to see Carla's babies?

Sam

They're two of the cutest little guys you've ever seen.

Rebecca

Who do they look like, Carla or Eddie?

Woody

Well they're twins, they kind of look like each other.

Woody

How come you're not going with Ms. Howe?

Sam

I thought I'd have fun instead.

Cliff

Check out Mr. Evan Drake over there acting like he owns the place, huh. Thinks he's just some big shot corporate executive.

Frasier

Well actually Cliff if it helps to alleviate this envy that seems to be eating you up right now studies have shown that rich people are 40 to 50% less happy than most of us.

Sam

Oh come on. That's a crock.

Frasier

Of course it is. But we have to cling to it, don't we?

Sam

Around here when guys get together to send another guy off to his doom, things can get a little raunchy.

Woody

You fellas ever dress up farm animals in women's clothing?

Sam

No

Woody

Then I'm one up on you.

Rebecca

Sam, he (the critique) wants me to compromise myself

Sam

Honey,we all do.

I'll be straight with you, Sam. Sure, we originally hired you to pitch for the softball team. But actually you turned out to be somewhat of a surprise.

Sam

Oh?

Yeah, yeah. You're a much better hitter than we anticipated.

Rebecca

[Sarcastic] Rah, rah, rah.

Sam

Hey, you know, I never knew that you were a cheerleader. Although I've always admired your pom poms.

Sam

Does anyone know how to drive a limo around here?

Woody

Oh I've driven a tractor, it can't be that different.

Rebecca

Excuse me Sam, I'm being beckoned.

Sam

Listen, if this is what you think it is, can I give you some advice?

Rebecca

What?

Sam

If you're going to make an ass of yourself, take it outside.

Sam

Speaking of Mercedes, I'm kind of known as the Mercedes of guys.

Rebecca

Really? I always thought you were more of a cheap pickup with a headlight missing.

Sam

So believe it or not I've given up sex entirely. But you've got to promise not to tell anyone.

Frasier

Well Sam, confidentiality is the bedrock of my profession. Besides, who'd believe it?

Rebecca

What the hell's in the box?

Woody

Those are my bees, Miss Howe.

Rebecca

Enough said.

Woody

Can I keep them in there until the end of the day?

Rebecca

Sure, anything you want. In my mood I'll agree to anything.

Sam

Sounds like my cue.

Sam

You must be gettin' pretty excited.

Carla

Yeah, I thought that ice show would never get back to Boston. It has been tough. He [Eddie] misses me. The kids miss him. Not to mention that I happen to be at my sexual peak.

Sam

You've been there since you were 12.

Carla

When you find a place you like, why leave it?