Paige Matthews quotes from Charmed

When I form my empire, the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches.

Paige

Oh, yeah? Well, when you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave. Ha ha. How do you like that?

Chris

Alright, I made a little wish.

Paige

You did what?

Chris

Two little wishes.

Paige

Oh, great. It's not bad enough I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for?

Chris

For Leo to forgive me, which by the way was an accident.

Paige

And?

Chris

For Piper and Leo to sleep together.

Paige

Eww! Oh my God, you are sick! What is wrong with you? You're disgusting!

Chris

No...

Paige

You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future.

Chris

No, no, no...

Paige

Oh my god, you are so gross.

Chris

I'm Piper and Leo's son.

Paige

What?

Chris

They're my parents. I came back to save my family.

Paige

You're serious.

Chris

Yeah. Only now I've gotta save myself. Because if my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.

Paige

This is all so wrong! And this has been such a long day...

Paige

She knows we're up to something. I can't believe how hard it is to get two people laid.

Phoebe

Paige, that is disgusting.

Paige

Well, it's what we're trying to do, right?

Phoebe

No, we are trying to romance Piper and Leo together so they can conceive Chris, our nephew.

Paige

And that's different how?

Phoebe

Well, because what you said is very Springer, what I said is very Oprah.

Paige

Well, what ever show we’re watching, we are running out of time.

Piper

What's going on?

Phoebe

Maybe, maybe you should sit down, for a second.

Piper

Oh! That doesn't sound good.

Phoebe

No, no. No, It's good, it's good. I mean, you know it's not bad. It's a really, it's a really good thing. It's not a bad thing. I think it's a really good thing, Don't you think??

Paige

Yeah! I mean, it depends, you know.

Piper

Unhu! that sounds worse.

Paige

No, it's just complicated.

Paige

Chris.. is your son.

Phoebe

Wyatt's brother. Look I know this is huge...

Piper

No, It's not huge, because it's not possible. It's crazy!'Cause I'm not pregnant!

Oh, yeah!

Phoebe

No, I'm not. I mean, how could that happen!? I mean, I know how that could happen! But, it...... Oh! What am I going to do?

Phoebe

Maybe you should talk to Leo about it?

Piper

No! I can't!

Phoebe

Why?

Piper

Well, because, because, because I can't!

Chris

Is this a bad time?

Todd! There you are, sweetie. (notices Phoebe) Oh, and there you are. I was wondering if you'd have the nerve to show up.

Phoebe

What do you mean "nerve"?

Oh. You're the talk of the reunion. You know, you can fool San Francisco with your pithy advice, but you can't fool us. We all know you, sweetie.

That's enough, Paula.

Phoebe

So what is that supposed to mean?

It means you're a fake. The only thing you were ever known for was lying and ditching and stealing boyfriends.

Paige

Phoebe, are you gonna let someone with a giant helmet that passes for hair talk to you like that?

God, Paula. Just because Todd had a thing for Phoebe, you don't have to be so mean.

Paige

Hey. Why didn't you just tell that chick to go screw herself?

Paige

Phoebe?

Phoebe

Okay, what just happened?

Paige

You tell me.

Phoebe

I have no idea. I was just standing here, and then I had some weird high school flashback.

Paige

Yeah. Your whole body just flashed back.

Phoebe

What? Are you kidding me? I-I just felt...

Paige

Pissed?

Phoebe

Very.

Paige

Well, as someone who's seen Carrie, both versions, I'd say the reunion is over.

Paige

And she's under the influence.

Chris

Of alcohol?

Paige

No. Adolecence.

Now, my face. Make it different. Heartbreaking, charming, young.

Phoebe

You know, I'm thinking maybe you should use our nephew for inspiration.

Paige

Who you were, you're now another, Take the face of Wyatt's brother.

Paige

So are you happy?

Piper

'Bout what?

Paige

About what the doctor said: it's gonna be a healthy baby.

Piper

Of course it's a healthy baby, I've seen him 22 and walking around.

Paige

Well you never know, something could've gone wrong!

Piper

Oh, stop being such a worry wart, you're starting to sound like...(Chris orbs in.) Chris! What are you doing here?

Paige

This better not be about demons, 'cause I am on my lunch break!

Chris

No, no. I just wanted to check how it went with the doctor.

Piper

Well. You'll be happy to know that you're a boy!

Chris

Funny. That's not what I meant.

Paige

(looking at ultrasound.) I don't see it...

Piper

Oh, see it's this little thing over here...

Chris

(snatches ultrasound away.) Hey! Excuse me, do you mind? (pauses, looks at ultrasound and squints.)

Chris

Wait, you had a force field with Wyatt but not with me?

Piper

Well I didn't have one, he had one. It was all his doing.

Chris

From the womb? He had powers from the womb? That's unbelieveable, it's not like I don't have an inferiority complex with him already. Thank you!

Piper

(to Paige) Did you find that demon yet?

Paige

Yes, actually I did. It's the Spider Demon. An evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every hundred years to capture and feed off the most powerful magical being it can dtect, in this case, that would be you. (looks at Piper)

Chris

And me.

Chris

Sorta.

Piper

You must be so proud.

Piper

Okay, what do you say we make this eight legged freak wish it'd never been hatched?

Chris

Woah, hold it, you are not going anywhere mom, this is way too risky.

Paige

He's actually right without the Wyatt force field thing...

Chris

Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in?

Paige

Aren't there any therapists in the future?

Chris

We need Phoebe.

Piper

No, I don't wanna interrupt her date with Mark.

Paige

Actually, it's Mike this week.

Chris

No, it's Mitch, but who cares. We need her.

Paige

Are you hormonal or just plain crazy?!

Piper

One woman can only take so much.

Paige

What do you think these people are gonna do when they step out of their offices?

Piper

Well, they won't be touching my stomach anymore, that's what I think...

Paige

(to lady who was touching Piper's stomach.) It's okay, it's okay. We all get a little vertigo sometimes. (To Piper, entering in the elevator) No wonder that Chris grows up to be such a neurotic little freak!

Leo

Phoebe, Paige, how are you?

Paige

Not so good, we have a problem.

Leo

Perhaps we should meditate...