Grams Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Grams

Oh Patty, I just KNEW I'd deliver the Charmed Ones.

Grams

Oh, well, once removed of course...

Grams

I'll see you tomorrow, at four o'clock, Mrs. Halliwell. The women keep their names in this family.

Grams

(Flashback) Is it too much for an old lady to ask her granddaughters to retract their claws, stand still and look at me long enough to take one lousy picture?

Grams

Men are like utensils; you use them, wash them, and throw them in a drawer until you need them.

Grams

It was doomed from the start. You never even took his last name!

Patty

You wouldn't let me.

Grams

Well that's beside the point.

Grams

What's the secret ingredient in my blueberry cobbler?

Piper

Honey, and a splash of rum.

Piper

We didn't go anywhere. We were just standing here, and the next thing we knew...

Phoebe

We were just standing here.

Patty

I told you to use poplar buds.

Grams

It's a perfectly good spell. I mean, it moved them through time.

Patty

Yeah, ten seconds.

Grams

You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?

Phoebe

Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f...

Grams

Fine.

Grams

Is this the biggest arch you could get?

Prue

Without opening a fast food franchise, yeah.

Grams

Well just remember, if love is the quest, then marriage is the conquest. This place must feel like... victory.

Phoebe

And here I thought weddings were meant to be romantic.

Grams

Oh, my dear, sweet child.

Prue

Better listen to Grams, Phoebe. I mean you could always calculate her age by the number of rings on her fingers.

Victor

Patty.

Patty

Hello, Victor, how are you?

Victor

Good. I mean, I was good. Alright, who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?

Grams

Not now, Victor. I know you two have issues but that's what the reception is for.

Piper

Grams!

Grams

Hello, my darling. How are you?

Piper

How am I? Are you kidding? Do you guys not get the news up there?

Grams

I meant... How are you holding up?

Piper

Not very well. I'm a little...lost. Why didn't you come before when I called after...?

Grams

I couldn't, Piper. I was... busy.

Piper

You were busy?

Grams

I was with Prue.

Piper

Oh, of course you were, that makes sense. Is she okay?

Grams

Your mother and I are helping her through this.

Piper

But how is she?

Grams

I'm not allow to tell you now, just like you're not allow to see her. At least not for a while, anyway.

Piper

Why?

Grams

Because seeing Prue right now, speaking to her, keeps her alive for you. Which keeps you from being able to move on with your life... to continue your destiny.

Piper

What destiny?! Okay, it's over, it's done, Prue is gone, and I...

Grams

I know, sweetie, I know. But if there's one thing you learned over the last three years it's that there's always a reason for everything. Which means, there's a reason for this, too. Your destiny still awaits. Blessed be.

Phoebe

What's going on?

Piper

I'm going to ask Grams what's going on, actually.

Phoebe

Grams?

Piper

Mm-hmm! Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything, she says. So now it's time to summon her transparent butt back here and find out exactly what that reason is!

Phoebe

Okay, but what would...

Piper

(tensely reciting the spell, interrupting Phoebe loudly) Hear these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side. Come to me, I summon thee, (angrily) cross now the Great DIVIDE!

Grams

Piper, why are you calling? Phoebe? What's going on?

Grams

Alright, fine, You've caught us, congratulations! So what are you going to do about us, shoot us?

Phoebe

Easy, Grams! Not all of us are dead, remember?

Piper

This is not raging hormones talking! This is a very special baby, with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn special to help me figure it out. And when I say now, I mean now!

Grams

Piper!

Piper

Thank you.

Leo

Don't thank me, I didn't do anything.

Grams

What am I doing here? And corporeal to boot.

Piper

What do you mean, didn't you come on your own power?

Grams

Honey, I'm good, but I'm not that good!