Paige Matthews quotes from Charmed

Damn it. Can't a demon eat in peace?

You're pissing me off, ya know?

Paige

Yeah, that's the idea.

Paige

Step on her!

Phoebe

Eww! That is so gross!

Sorry!

Chris

I think I have a new theory on who might be trying to turn Wyatt evil.

Paige

Oh, a new theory. What's that? Like the third one this week?

Chris

What're you keeping score now?

Phoebe

She's just grumpy 'cause she hasn't had her coffee yet.

Paige

I am not grumpy. (Phoebe gives her a look.) Ok, fine, maybe a little bit. But you have to admit you've had a lot of different theories lately, and none of them have panned out.

Chris

That's why they call them "theories".

Paige

Do we even get along in the future?

Phoebe

Well, let's just hope that we find him before he finds us!

Phoebe

Hm... Maybe that's another one of your suiters that you've conjured for your own personal gain and pleasure.

Paige

Oh, I hope so! (to Mr. Right.) No offense.

Phoebe

Paige, I don't even want to talk about this. I mean, how could you do such a thing?

Paige

Oh, what, like you've never conjured stuff before.

Phoebe

Yeah, well, never for myself and never a sex toy.

I am not a sex toy.

Phoebe

Quiet, you.

Paige

Well, we did it for Piper before.

Phoebe

Yes, but that was different. We were trying to convince her to not give up on love. We were desperate.

Paige

Well, maybe I am too.

Chris

Excuse me, shouldn't we be focusing on the bigger issue here?

Phoebe

How long has this been going on?

Paige

About three weeks.

Phoebe

Three weeks!

Paige

Give or take. You're the one who kept telling me I needed a break.

Phoebe

Yes, but I meant take a day off, you know. Go to the spa, have a pedicure, get a massage.

I massage her.

Phoebe

Have you lost your mind?

Paige

No. Another witch was killed last night.

Phoebe

Oh, no.

Paige

Oh, yes! And she had active powers, so I need you to go home where I can keep an eye on you.

Phoebe

Paige, you're my baby sister, not my baby-sitter.

Paige

Oh, that's clever. You're very clever. I'm glad that while I'm panicking, you have the time to be clever.

Phoebe

Ok, it's very sweet that you're worried about me, but I am fine, and I have a lot of work to do here.

Paige

Great. Do your work from home.

Phoebe

I can't do it from home because Kyle Donie is not at home.

Paige

Who is Kyle Donie? Is this about a guy?

Phoebe

No, it's not about a guy. It's about a reporter, one who knows everything there is to know about crime and criminal investigation and since we don't have Darryl's help anymore, he's the only resource I have.

Paige

Fine. (hands her the potions vials as she tells her what they are.) Explosive, acid, smoke bomb. Use them.

Phoebe

Thanks, mom.

Paige

Piper. Hello?

Piper

Where the hell are you? I'm in labour!

Phoebe

Is she okay?

Paige

She's in labour.

Piper

Is there an echo?

Phoebe

Okay, you two! Stop it right now! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Paige and Phoebe pull leo and Piper apart) You go over there, you over... here. (Piper slaps Phoebe with her many hands) And keep your hands to yourself!

Piper

But you're interrupting us.

Phoebe

And saving life as we know it.

Leo

What are you talking about?

Paige

Look at your outfit. Does that look like something you normally wear?

Leo

Well, no.

Paige

Exactly. This is not the first time we have been hijacked by gods. So you just have to fight it.

Leo

I don't want to fight it. I haven't felt this potent in years.

Phoebe

Ew! Over sharing.

Piper

How is his rash? Did he need oilment?

Paige

I don't know, I've been kind of procrastinating on that one. It's not my favourite thing to check.

Piper

Why? You don't have a problem checking Wyatt

Paige

Yeah, that's because I don't flash forward to Wyatt being twenty-two like I do with Chris

Piper

Yeah!... Right!... Ew!

Paige

This is Godiva.

Piper

Godiva?!

Paige

As in... Lady Godiva. In the flesh, so to speak.

Paige

It's okay, it's just a graze.

Phoebe

I still can't believe an Elder attacked you.

Paige

I know, they're supposed to be pacifists, right?

Piper

Have you seen Leo lately? Speaking of which. Leo!

Paige

He's a little mad at me and I can't say I blame him. I did kind of mess things up.

Phoebe

Well, that doesn't explain why he tried to kill you.

Pardon me?

Paige

I think the demon did something to the Elder, got him to free up his repressed anger somehow.

Phoebe

Oh, probably wasn't breastfed as a child.

Piper

Phoebe!

Paige

Well, either way, we wouldn't even be in this situation, this demon wouldn't even be here if I hadn't have had the great stroke of genius to try to save school.

Phoebe

So why do you think he tried to kill her?

If I could just--

Paige

Maybe he knew what I didn't know. Which is that since they came together, they have to leave together.

Phoebe

Yeah, but why wouldn't he want to go back?

If you would just listen to me...!

Phoebe

Oh!

Piper

Wow!

Phoebe

That's just... a lot!

It is apparently still the only way I can get anybody to listen to me.

Piper

Woman, keep your clothes on, this is a family show. Really.

Paige

Do I look like a ma'am to you?

Piper

Paige, you're obsessing.

Paige

You're damn right I'm obsessing! I am far too young to be old!

Piper

I think I found something.

Paige

Huh?

Piper

I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too?

Paige

Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister.

Piper

Yeah, I love you too.

Paige

(sticks sword through First Mate.)

(turns to Captain and hands him knife, then turns to other pirate) Do you mind?

(pulls out sword)

Paige

Aren't you supposed to be dead?

He wishes.

Paige

This isn't good, right?

Piper

I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go.