Buffy the Vampire Slayer · Season 6
You should go.
I thought we were having fun.
Yeah, now. But eventually your friends are going to figure out a way to bring you back to living color. Get dressed if you can find your clothes and push off, 'cause if I can't have all of you...[looks down]...hey, that's cheating.
So you three have, what? Banded together to be pains in my ass?
We're your arch-nemesises...ses. You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time... um... uh, next time...
Maybe not!
...
[The girls see the boys struggling with the arcade's back door.]
I give you my arch-nemesis...ses...ses.
[as Xander walks in on Spike and invisible Buffy] Spike? What are you doing?
What am I-... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I? [starts doing "push-ups"]
Exercising? Naked? In bed?
A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. You gotta be fit for killin'...
Ya-huh.
[Buffy attempts to find out the secret ingredient of Doublemeat burgers.]
Sorry, I was just curious.
Curiosity killed the cat.
[whispers] Theory number 5: cat burgers.
Xander, he-he's very kind, and brave, and he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and... he loves me. Sometimes it isn't easy, but he does.
Who told you that it isn't easy to love you?
Well... you know, sometimes I'll do something or say something, and then he has to say stuff like, "It is incorrect for you to appreciate money so much," or-or, "Observe: here is how a real human would behave."
Oh, so he corrects you?
We need to get that burger analyzed. We need to find out if it used to be people.
[with mouth full] What? People?
Xander! You ate the burger?
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, "Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh"?
I needed that burger to analyze it. Now I'm gonna have to get another one.
That's your problem with this scenario? You getting seconds?
[Recovering magic addict Willow is testing the burger with multicolored liquids.]
Good job, Will! Those aren't, like, potions, are they?
No. No potions. It's not magic, it's... chemistry. You can tell by how damn slow it is.
[sighs] Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust. Damn fluorescent lights. Makes me look dead.
Now, I get Warren being a super-villainy type, but I thought Jonathan completely learned that lesson. I've never been heard of this other guy.
You should have seen their headquarters. It was like the nerd natural habitat.
Well, if we know where they are, shouldn't we do something?
We tried. Buffy was gonna go in there and bust 'em on the spot.
I'm sensing a not-so-completely.
Yeah, well, she went in and--
Speaking of Buffy, isn't she ready? She's gonna be late for her first day.
Hey, respect the narrative flow much?
Please continue the story of failure.
So, Buffy went in, but they'd cleared out. Then she brought back the stuff that they left-- some spellbooks, some parchments, a couple of rare things, charmed objects and a conjuror's harp. And they had other stuff, you know, Razor scooters and pictures of the Vulcan woman on enterprise.
Ooh! [chuckles] I mean, nerds.
Okay. See, this is why demons are better than people.
Interesting turn.
When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and mayhem, certainly. But I put in a full day's work doing it, and I got compensated appropriately.
Welcome to today's episode of Go, Money, Go. I hear it daily.
Yep, for the rest of your life.
But supervillains, want reward without labor, to make things come easy. It's wrong. Without labor, there can be no payment and vice versa. The country cannot progress. The workers are the tools that shape America.
Good to know. I was kinda feeling like a tool. And now I know why.
Yeah?
Hi. You must be the new manager. I'm Buffy Summers.
I'm Lorraine Ross. They called me in when Manny did his disappearing act. You hear about that? Guy just disappeared.
Yeah. I think... I think that used to happen a lot around here.
Buffy Summers. I heard about you. Caused a big scene.
Oh, yeah. Practical jokes, not really right for the workplace. I so get that now. Anyway, I just wanted to return my uniform.
Oh. Most people don't even bother.
The Doublemeat Medley... is vegetables?
How do you know that?
So I guess it's true.
Um, can you close the door? Have a seat. It's a formed and texturized, vegetable-based meat-like product, suitable for grinding. It's blending with large amounts of rendered beef fat for flavor.
Wait. The secret ingredient in the beef is beef?
Buffy, you know something powerful here. Do you understand that? The Doublemeat reputation is built on a foundation of, well, meat. You can't spread this around.
I get that. It's a valuable secret, isn't it?
Is there something you want?
I really need money.
You want money?
No. well, I mean, yes, but no. I... well, I want to work. See, I have zero money coming in, and there are expenses, and by the time I interview for a new job and get hired and go through a training process... I'd-I'd really like to not be fired anymore.
Well, I don't want anymore practical jokes. I mean it.
I promise.
I'm a little shorthanded right now, and you're already trained. I think you cannot be fired.
Thank you. That's-that's great, I can do the job. I promise that too.
I certainly hope so. I don't like short-timers, Buffy. I like people who want to be here. Maybe you didn't take this job seriously before, but from now on... See this? I want you to be shooting for this from here on out.
Right. Here on out.
You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.
Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.
I've been thinking about doing something in my room. I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me.
Do you even like me?
[softly] Sometimes.
But you like what I do to you.
[Spike holds up a pair of handcuffs.]
Do you trust me?
Never.
So how did you get so beautiful?
Okay, does that line usually work?
[Katrina realizes it is her ex-boyfriend Warren]
What the hell are you doing here?
It's nice seeing you again too, Katrina.
Yeah, it's the "seeing you" part that's throwing me here, Warren, because I thought I was pretty clear with the "never wanting that to happen again."
That was a long time, baby.
Apparently not long enough.
Oh, you're not still sore about that thing, are you?
What thing would that be, exactly? The "wind-up-slut" you tinkered together? Or when Miss "Nuts-'n-Bolts" tried to choke me to death?
Okay, so, I've made a few mistakes...
No, no, I did - for ever lowering myself to be with a jerk like you.
[Katrina gets up but Warren grabs her]
No, don't say that.
Well, what did you expect? Just... waltz there and sweep me off my feet with your cheesy lines and fancy suit?
No! I-I just... thought we could talk... maybe work things out.
There is nothing to work out. What you did was sick, and just looking at you makes me want to vomit!
Are you sure about that?
[Warren puts his red sunglasses on, and goes for his pocket]
Yes, God yes I'm sure...!
[Warren flashes the mind-controlling device in front of her; Katrina stares at it, and then at Warren, blankly]
I love you, Master.
I just, I wanted us to be together!
There is no us, Warren! Get that through your big meaty head! I am not your girlfriend anymore!
She's your ex?
Dude, that is messed up.
Oh, you think? You bunch of little boys, playing at being men. Well, this is not some fantasy, it's not a game, you freaks! It's rape!
These things just made you think you killed her.
She was probably dead long before you stumbled across her.
It wasn't the demons. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with it, I know it.
How can you be sure?
You always hurt the one you love.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
