And those two, they also know you are the Slayer?
Yep.
Did anyone explain to you what "secret identity" means?
Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.
S2 E10What's My Line, Part Two
It's your lucky day, Spike.
Two Slayers!
No waiting!
Oh, hey, animal cracker?
No, thank you. How's your arm?
Suddenly painless.
You can still play guitar okay?
Not well, but not worse.
You know, I never really thanked you.
Please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red and I have to bail. It's not pretty.
Well then forget-that thing. Especially the part where I kind of owe you my life.
[Oz pulls a cracker from the box, hoping to change the subject.]
Look. Monkey. And he has a little hat. And little pants.
Yeah. I see.
The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that... You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen... So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know the monkey's just, [in French accent] "I mock you with my monkey pants," then there's a big coup at the zoo...
The monkey's French?
All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
[panting] Okay. One more time. You're the who?
I am the Slayer.
Nice cover story, but here's a tip. You might want try it on someone who's not the real Slayer.
You can't stop me. Even if you kill me, another Slayer will be sent to take me place.
Could you stop with the Slayer thing? I'm the damn Slayer!
Nonsense. There is but one. And I am she.
Okay. A scenario. You back off. I'll back off. But you promise not to go all wiggy, until we can go to my watcher, and figure this out.
"Wiggy"?
You know, "no kicko, no fighto".
I accept your scenario.
So, you were sent here?
Yes, by my watcher.
To do what, exactly?
To do my duty. I'm here to kill vampires.
Thank you for the shirt. It was very generous of you.
Hey, it looks better on-- well, me, but no worries. Now, when we get to the airport...
I get on the plane with me ticket, and sit in a seat, not the cargo hold.
Very good.
That is not traveling undercover.
Exactly. Relax. You earned it. Sit in your seat, you eat your peanuts, you watch the movie-- well, unless it's about a dog or Chevy Chase.
I'll remember.
I, um... I just wanted to thank you for helping me save Angel.
I'm not telling me Watcher about that. It is too strange that a Slayer loves a vampire.
Tell me about it.
Still, he is pretty cute.
Well, maybe they won't fire me for dating him.
You always do that.
Do what?
You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are.
Did you get that from your handbook?
From you.
I guess it's something I really can't fight. I'm a freak.
Not the only freak.
Not anymore.
I don't hug.
Right. No. Good. Hate hugs.
S2 E11Ted
And you're loving playing nursemaid?
Oh, yeah!
So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
Vampires are creeps.
Yes, that's why one slays them.
I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am--
Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.
So Mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's favorite show", and "Ted's teaching me computers", and "Ted said the funniest thing", and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom", and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't wanna talk about Ted all the time.
So, you gonna talk about something else at some point?
I'm sorry. I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.
No, but maybe your mom does.
Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.
Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.
Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life. Does it have to be Ted?
Do you have somebody else in mind? There's a guy out there that would satisfy you?
My dad? Yeah, okay, that's not gonna happen. Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?
Kiss me.
Finally, something I wanna do!
[about Ted] So far, all I see is someone who supposedly has a good job, and is nice and polite, and my mother really likes him.
What kind of a monster is he?
Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
I just wanna learn stuff.
Like how to build your own serial killer?
Uh, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer. Shouldn't she have...
What, a license to kill?
Well, not for fun! But she's, like, this Superman! Shouldn't there be different rules for her?
Sure, in a fascist society.
Right! Why can't we have one of those?
Buffy's not going to jail. It's not fair.
Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life. The guilt, it... it's, it's pretty hard to bear, and it won't go away soon.
I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time?
Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible.
So, I'm Ted, the sickly loser. I'm dying, and my wife dumps me. I build a better Ted. He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker o' love until she dies, and then he keeps bringing her back over and over. Now, now that's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed.
The sad part is, the real Ted must have been a genius. There were design features in that robot that predate--
Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
Not any, big ones.
Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good.
I just wanna learn stuff.
Like how to build your own serial killer?
Well, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
Can't we just drop the subject?
Absolutely. I plan to forget the whole thing and pick up right where we left off. Okay. That's it. I give up. Do I have to sound an air horn everytime I walk into a room? I mean, what is it with grown-ups these days?
[Xander and Cordelia snickering]
S2 E12Bad Eggs
It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy.
But I looked good in it.
You looked like a streetwalker.
But a thin streetwalker. (pauses) That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?
You're just too young to wear that.
Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it.
That's the idea.
Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
I think the word you're searching for is absent.
Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]
As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
No, it's your baby!
Okay, I get it even less.
You know it's the whole sex leads to responsibility thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg, it's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
My egg is Jewish.
Then teach it that dreidel song.
Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.
Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.
Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! [cut to Buffy and Angel on patrol making out]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.