Buffy Summers quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow

[to Buffy] Are you sure this thing called itself The First?

Buffy

Pretty sure. It claimed to be the original evil, the one that came before anything else.

Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?" [everyone stares at her] Or terrified. Whatever.

Andrew

Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand.

Xander

I'm not gonna touch that one.

Buffy

You try anything, try to run---did you ever see the movie Misery?

Andrew

Six times. But the book was scarier than the movie, 'cause instead of crushing his foot with a sledgehammer, Kathy Bates chops it off with...

Andrew

I'll be good.

Buffy

We need to stick together, okay? We're stronger that way. We cannot afford to fall apart now.

Andrew

She's right. Where would the Justice League have been if they hadn't put their differences aside to stop the Imperium and his shape-shifting alien horde?

Buffy

Don't help me.

Buffy

Looks good, doesn't it? They're trapped in here. Terrified. Meat for the beast, and there's nothing they can do but wait. That's all they've been doing for days, waiting to be picked off, having nightmares about monsters that can't be killed. But I don't believe in that. I always find a way. I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about. And right now, you and me are gonna show 'em why. It's time. Welcome to Thunderdome.

Andrew

Two men enter. One man leaves.

Dawn

This? You planned this. Letting the barrier fail, bringing us here. You and Buffy.

Rona

It's killing her!

We have to do something.

Willow

Wait.

Buffy

[after defeating the Turok-Han] See? Dust. Just like the rest of 'em. I don't know what's coming next, but I do know it's gonna be just like this: hard, painful. But in the end it's gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we'll be the ones left standing. Here endeth the lesson.

Buffy

I know. But you should go. This trip is important for the girls, to understand the source of their power, and know how to use it right.

Giles

I don't think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking. It's frightening and it's difficult. Then, apparently someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey.. until a spooky rasta mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles.

Buffy

Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode--

Spike

Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.

Buffy

[sighs] Okay. You're right. Not a book thing. [pauses] It's a phone thing.

Spike

Who you gonna call?

Spike

God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?

Buffy

Doubt it.

Miss Summers! Agent Finn reported that you tried to contact him earlier today.

Buffy

I knew it! [whispers to Spike] Government conspiracy.

He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help Ass-Face here.

Those were his exact words, ma'am.

Robin

Well, then, I'd, um, I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. [chuckles] You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.

Buffy

Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.

Robin

Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.

Buffy

[about a date with Principal Wood] Or it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.

Willow

[laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's look] Right, that makes sense too.

Buffy

Or maybe he knows I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.

Willow

Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.

Buffy

You know, it's not even that he's acting that suspicious. It's just - there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That's got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.

Willow

Not really a shower.

Buffy

A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.

Willow

I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.

And I wasn't talking about your date anyway. I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous.

Buffy

[shakes her head] Well, it's not working.

Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.

Buffy

Um, I should really go find something else to wear. [walks out of the room]

Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. [Buffy stops, turns to look at Anya] I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go.

Spike

I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.

Buffy

No, you have to stay.

Spike

You've got another demon fighter now.

Buffy

That's not why I need you here.

Spike

Is that right? Why's that, then?

Buffy

Because I'm not ready for you not to be here.

Buffy

Andrew is our... actually, he's our hostage.

Andrew

I like to think of myself more as a "guest-age".

Willow

Oh. Hey. Hi. Well, Buffy, I see our preparations for the... school... pep-dance-cheer-drill-contest are really coming along. "Bring it on!"

Buffy

Will, it's okay, he knows.

Willow

Oh, thank God. If I had to explain all these weapons? I had nothing.

Robin

Buffy tells me you have been, umm... oh, how shall I put it?... experimenting... [long embarrassed pause] ...with the magics.

Willow

Oh! Yeah. Oh, nothing too heavy, though. Just the lighter, safer stuff. Uh, if Kennedy asks, her pointy stuff's right there. See you inside. [to Buffy] So much cooler than Snyder!

Wood

[when Willow left] She really almost destroyed the world?

Buffy

Yep.

Xander

Well, yeah, but only because you kinda told us to. You're our leader, Buffy, as in "follow the".

Buffy

Well, from now on, I'm your leader as in "do what I say".

Xander

Jawohl. But let's not try to forget, we're also your friends.

I'm not.

Buffy

Then why are you here? Aside from getting rescued, what is that you do?

I provide much needed... sarcasm.

Xander

Um... that'd kinda be my job actually.

Willow

How you doing?

Buffy

Thanks for bringing me back... again.

Willow

Oh, it's what I do.

Buffy

I was hard on you guys today.

Willow

Oh, it's all right. You needed to be. Although, Twinkies and Kisses-- also peachy motivational tools. You okay?

Buffy

I think I made a mistake.

Willow

What?

Buffy

Those men that I met, you know, the shadowmen, they offered me more power, but I didn't like the loophole.

Willow

So you turned it down? It's okay, Buffy. We'll get by. We always do.

Buffy

I don't know. They showed me--

Willow

Showed you what?

Buffy

That the first Slayer was right. It isn't enough.

Willow

Why, Buffy? What did you see? What did they show you?