Buffy Summers quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy

Remember,-

Spike

Yeah, yeah. "Hurt them and I'll stake you good and proper". Sing me a new one sometime. That one's getting old.

Buffy

I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them. Glory ... came to my home today.

Giles

[alarmed] Buffy, are you-

Buffy

Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning.

Buffy

You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal. So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...

Giles

[coughing] Retroactive.

Buffy

Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.

Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.

Buffy

What is she?

She's a god.

Buffy

Oh.

Dawn

I just think you're freakin' out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right?

Buffy

Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me.

Buffy

Are you okay? Did she hurt you?

Dawn

Why do you care?

Buffy

Because I love you, you're my sister.

Dawn

No I'm not.

Buffy

Yes you are. [holds Dawn's hand] It's blood, Summers blood, it's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or how you got here, you are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.

Buffy

I have to get you back home though, Mom's freaking out.

Dawn

Oh, is she mad about the whole fire thing?

Buffy

I think you sort of have a "Get out of jail free" card on account of big love and trauma.

Dawn

Really? Okay, good. Do you think she'd raise my allowance?

Buffy

Don't push it.

Buffy

How was school today?

Dawn

The usual, big square building filled with boredom and despair.

Buffy

Just how I remember it.

Buffy

Spike, finish the story you were telling my little sister.

Spike

Right, so I knew the little girl was in the coal bin so I ripped it open very violently... and gave her to a nice family where they were never ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin.

Buffy

What... is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask? Is this a date?

Spike

A d-Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean... do you want it to be?

Buffy

Spike, the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious

Spike

Oh, what...Ohh! Gaaah! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why... do you bitches torture me?

Buffy

Which question do you want me to answer first?

Giles

You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels.

Buffy

Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof! That's the one for me!"

Giles

A fourteen-year-old is too old to be babysat, it's not fair to her.

Buffy

What'd she make you do?

Giles

Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, and we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.

Buffy

[laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my fun-time Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So if you wanna trade... No wait, I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.

Giles

Robot? Sounds interesting.

Buffy

We're gonna work on it in the morning, I mean, unless you want to stay for a while, and then you and I could-

Joyce

Who wants to hear everything?

Buffy

...listen to my Mom talk about boys.

Giles

Right. Must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce.

Joyce

Bye Rupert.

Joyce

[recounting her date with Brian] Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.

Buffy

I dunno, I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.

Joyce

Well, I suppose by your standards it would seem pretty... Oh, dear.

Buffy

What?

Joyce

I left my bra in his car.

Buffy

[appalled] Mother!

Joyce

I'm joking.

Buffy

Good God, that's horrible. Don't do that.

Joyce

[playfully] I left it in the restaurant.

Buffy

[running upstairs, hands over her ears] No more! No more! No more!

Joyce

[calling upstairs] On the dessert cart!

Buffy

[faintly, off screen] I can't hear you!

Buffy

Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes - I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at?

Xander

Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you.

Joyce

I think we're just about ready for pie.

Xander

And then I'll be pretty much ready for barf.

Buffy

Xander!

Dawn

Gross.

Xander

You know, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good and too much goodness.

Joyce

I'm taking it as a compliment.

Giles

Yes, everything was delicious.

Yes. I'm going to barf, too.

Joyce

Everyone's so sweet.

Xander

How you doin' there, Will? Are you in the vomit club, too?

Willow

[groans] I had too much nog.

Tara

Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I... uh, s-stop explaining things.

Dawn

My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.

Willow

That's... bad.

Xander

Yeah! Now Santa's gonna pass you right by! Naughty boozehound.

Willow

Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah.

I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.

Xander

The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.

Tara

There's a Santa Claus?

Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true.

Dawn

All true?

Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise...

Tara

The reindeer part was nice.

Buffy

She's cold.

The body is cold?

Buffy

No, my mom!

Angel

I can stay in town as long as you want me.

Buffy

How's forever? Does forever work for you?

Buffy

I'm worried about tomorrow.

Angel

What's tomorrow?

Buffy

That's exactly what I don't know.