[Doug Judy, the Pontiac Bandit, has escaped from the cruise ship to a small motorboat after Jake saved Judy's life.]
Peralta! Sorry to do this to you, man. I saw an opening and I had to take it. I can't go to jail! I'm too cool!
You'll never get away from me, Judy!
I can't hear what you're saying; you're real far away. I'll just assume you're finally admitting we're best friends.
No, that's not what I'm saying!
Thank you! It means a lot to me. Enjoy the rest of your cruise! Just remember; you got a fine lady, don't be a tang in the mud! Check your pockets! [Jake does, pulling out a cabin access card] Boom-boom stateroom, baby!
[To Amy] Awesome. [To Judy] But this isn't over! I will hunt you to the ends of the earth!
I love you, too! I'm so proud of us for being able to say it! What're you still standing there for? Go smush!
[Doug Judy steers the motorboat away from the cruise ship.]
[Boyle was caught naked in a restaurant bathroom when Rosa Diaz chased a suspect in there. The following day, Boyle is in the file room when Diaz walks in.]
It's not like I'm, uh, always-
Look, man. Nobody's ever gonna see that footage; the case was cut and dry. It's not like I'm dying to tell anyone I saw your-
[Terry enters the file room.]
Hey. I've been looking for you guys. I just spoke to our perp's attorney. He's claiming the drugs you seized in the bathroom weren't his.
What?! But we saw him throw them in the garbage!
Yeah. Normally, it'd be your word against his- but lucky for us, you were wearing body cams!
Yeah, but the thing about cameras, is that they don't really tell the full, objective truth. Images can be distorted. People often seem naked.
Boyle, what are you talking about?
Boyle is fully nude in the footage.
KPKaren Peralta
Hey, honey. Thanks for bringing Roger back.
You're very welcome. Hey, by the way, Amy was really nervous to meet you, so don't judge her for all the weird singing.
KPKaren Peralta
Oh, no. I'm dating my son-of-a-bitch ex-husband; who am I to judge?
[Amy Santiago rolls down the window of the Impala she's sitting in.]
I think you're really great, too!
She's very good at lip-reading.
I wouldn't say "very" good; deaf people, they're the real talents!
I'll let you guys talk! I'll just close my eyes. [Rolls the window back up.]
Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the most anticipated event in this precinct's history! The auction for-
[Gina reaches down from the podium and holds up a vinyl briefcase; the gathered detectives are amazed.]
Exactly, Jacob. This puppy's been in the Lost & Found since 1976. No one alive today knows its contents. I'm happy to say Captain Holt has finally given me permission to auction it off!
I'll let you give me a spray tan! Any shade you want!
Jake, willing to sacrifice his dignity! Who can top it?
Massage! I'll give you a massage!
Charles, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified. Interesting approach. Orange Jake: Goin' once! Goin' twice!
I'll show you a picture of me in high school. There is side pony.
Ooh! Rosa comin' in hot, Rosa comin' in hot!
I'll also give you full control over my hair and wardrobe.
I'll go on a date with you!
SOLD! To Jake. Not to Scully. That really freaked me out and I just want this to end now.
Hey, Gina! We got an anonymous gift basket. Yeah, it's full of treats. It's got meats, cheeses, candies- all the food groups.
The cheese is amazing. It melts in my mouth. And in my hands!
Hm. French chocolates, French cheeses, tiny French pickles. Did none of you detectives think this might be a gift for Captain Holt from someone in France? Like his husband, per exemple?
What? No way! This is a nice present from an unknown, appreciative citizen that wanted us to munch!
What's this, then? "Dear Captain Raymond Holt: Thinking of you. Best, Dr. Kevin Cozner, Ph.D." He even used their pet names.
Oh, no. I ate the chocolate-covered strawberry. That's the most intimate snack of them all!
Holt's gonna be back from his meeting in thirty minutes- what do we do?!
No! No. It's okay. We can fix this.
[32 minutes later.]
Check it out, sir; a lovely gift basket that Kevin sent you, all the way from Paris.
[Holt unties the ribbon and removes the red plastic wrapping. Holt examines some of the items.]
Stapler... scissors... rubber bands? [Picks up the package of rubber bands.] That man really knows me!
This envelope contains my inheritance from my uncle, he died a year ago. He was so rich, he had a whole room in his house just to eat in.
You mean like a dining room?
Now, just because I'm definitely rich now doesn't mean I'm gonna forget my roots. You all get something, so fire away.
Jake, your friendship is gift enough for me.
Friendship is crap. I want a Ducati Monster 821.
All right, Rosa gets a motorcycle.
Oh, cool, I want a fast sports car.
Come on, you can be honest.
I want old, expensive books. I'll send you a list.
There you go. Now, let's find out what I'm worth... Ah, I'm too nervous. Sarge, you do it.
[Opens the envelope] It's stock, one million shares!
... Of Blockbuster Video stock.
[Terry hands the folder back and everyone goes back to work in disappointment.]
What? Is that bad? I still have a Blockbuster card. WHAT HAPPENED TO BLOCKBUSTER?!
Hey. Gina, how's the stalling?
Great. The tow truck just got here, so that'll buy us at least an hour.
Tow truck?! What the hell'd you do to my car?!
Bitch, I told you I was gonna wreck it!
You did. You did. Well, I'm gonna go follow up on a lead right now.
Great. I'm gonna rip a bunch of wires out of your dashboard.
[Gina hangs up.]
What we need in here is an armored personnel carrier. A tank!
Two tanks. I want a tank, too.
Great, so everyone gets a tank. Just remember, we can't ruin Captain Holt's vacation high. We can't do anything to upset him. [Turns around and sees Hitchcock and Scully in Holt's office] Woah, no! What're those morons doing in there?!
Maybe it's not that bad. Maybe they didn't upset him.
What'd you do? What'd you say?
Nothin', just said welcome back.
And laughed with him about all the weight he gained in France!
Why is everyone just standing around? Get back to work!
"Tank"?! I gained three pounds in Paris! Three pounds!
[Kuzkho, who escaped arrest twenty years ago by pretending he was paralyzed, is standing normally at the door of his apartment.]
DKDmitri Kuzkho
So... this is weird.
[Kuzkho tries to slam the door but Terry blocks it and tackles him.]
Oh, no you don't, circus trash! I knew it! You could walk the whole time! I was right about the cat accomplice too, huh?! Now where's the cat?!
Been twenty years, Sarge, cat's probably dead.
I'M STILL BRINGIN' 'IM IN!
[Amy is undercover in a Texas state prison as "Isabel Cortez".]
MFMaura Figgis
Hey, Cortez. I hear you can smuggle in crap from outside.
That's right, baby. What do you want?
MFMaura Figgis
What I want? Is for you to back the hell off. Because I'm the only store in this prison.
Well, I didn't see your name on the outside of the prison. Unless your name is, "Texas State Penitentiary comma Spring Valley Unit"!
What're you lookin' at? You got a problem?
MFMaura Figgis
Whoah! Cool it, killa! I just wanted to say good job on beatin' the crap outta that doctor.
MFMaura Figgis
I like you. You got balls. Maybe you should come work for me. I could use another bruiser on my crew.
I'm not a bruiser. I'm a psycho.
MFMaura Figgis
Even better.
[Holt, Diaz, and Jake are meeting FBI Agent Bob Anderson, a friend and colleague of Holt's, in a public park.]
Hello, Bob. Good to see you.
BABob Anderson
And you. Apologies, it's inappropriate of me to partake in such informal conversation in front of your detectives.
It's all right. I am equally to blame.
Oh, my God! There's two of them!
Did you get the other guy?
Someone named Bob Anderson.
Oh, my God. Amy, I have to go. [Hangs up.] Bob is working for Figgis!
He must've been the one who deleted all those digital files! And he tried to have Wielan killed!
But he helped us with the heist and there was nothing about him in the paper file!
Yeah! Cause that wasn't the real file! We have to call Holt. Come on, Captain, pick up! Pick up!
[Cut to the hospital room where Holt and Bob were waiting; Bob has drawn his pistol and is aiming it at Holt.]
Don't answer that, Raymond. And now I'm going to have to kill you.
[The lights in Diaz's apartment go out while the detectives are trying to interrogate Bob.]
Time's up. Looks like Figgis found you.
[Cut to several minutes later.]
That's the last of the candles.
Is that multi-wick? [Sniffs] Am I smelling basil and tangerine?
It's called Summer's Kiss.
What the hell is goin' on with you?
I hate to rub it in, detectives, but I told you they'd find me.
[A red laser dot is being aimed into the room.]
[The laser dot moves towards Bob and aims steadily at him.]
Whoah! Whoah, whoah, whoah! Wrong guy, wrong guy!
[Jake tackles Bob as the glass vase behind him shatters.]
Stay away from the windows!
[Jake and Holt get a coffee table and turn it on its side, and they and Bob take cover.]
My God! What the hell's going on? They tried to kill me! [Two more vases shatter.] Oh, we have to get out of here and we have to get out of here now.
It's cool. I have a panic room.
Yes! There's the Rosa I know! Summer's Kiss my ass!
But it won't fit all of us.
Well, looks like Bob's the odd man out. Bye, Bob!
CCaller
[In a deep-sounding, disguised voice] Jake Peralta? This is Jimmy Figgis.
CCaller
You and Ray Holt took down my operation. Now, I'm gonna kill you both. Later, dog. [Hangs up.]
[Cut to Jake coming out of a house in a South Florida suburb. Next door, Holt is out watering his lawn.]
