Scenes with Gina Linetti 23
[Jake has called Gina, Terry, Diaz, and Boyle into the break room .]
Scully has a mason jar full of lemonade.
You called us in here to tell us that?
No, I called you in here to change your lives ! For you see, not five minutes ago, Hitchcock introduced me to his new goldfish, who lives in-
[Looks out the break room window and gasps ] An identical mason jar!
Gina Oh... this isn't gonna end well.
There are two possible outcomes, and we're gonna bet on which one happens first. Will Hitchcock put fish food in Scully's lemonade, or will Scully drink Hitchcock's goldfish? Now, you would think that putting fish food into lemonade-
Hitchcock just drank his own fish.
Hey, Gina! I need a top secret favor. Sharon has come to the precinct and I need your help.
Gina Uh, it better not be pregnancy related, 'cause that crap is nasty.
Gina Dress it up however you want; that's some disgusting animal kingdom nonsense.
Okay, don't worry about Sharon, I'll take care of her. I've got everything she needs. Pillow, blanket, copy of Breast Feeders magazine, which, now that I say it out loud, sounds like porn. [Flips through the magazine ] Yep, it is.
Gina So what do you need me for?
Keeping Captain Holt away from her. Terry says he gets very awkward near Sharon.
Gina Mm, that's one way to put it.
[In a flashback, Terry and Sharon encounter Holt inside the precinct ]
Ah, Sharon, nice to see you! You look so big, like a mighty truck.
Well, Sharon is happy, and Captain Holt has no idea where she is.
Gina Damn , we are good at stashing pregnant ladies! [High-fives Jake ] Uh!
S Sharon
Guys? My water just broke.
Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one- oh, you mean your body water! That's much worse!
Gina All right, all right! Looks good! Can barely tell you hulked out in here.
Yeah, two weeks in charge, and I didn't get any of my goals accomplished.
Gina You got Hitchcock and Scully off their hunger strike.
I just threw a bunch of popcorn on the floor. It wasn't that hard.
Gina Yeah, they're animals. Do you wanna know why the amazing Captain Holt has never gotten the evidence room cleaned or done anything on your list?
Gina Because all day long, he's putting out fires. That's what a captain does. The only difference between you and Holt is that he lacks the strength to close a door so hard a room blows up.
Gina Oh, you don't have to thank me. All I did was be the only person who believes in you.
Don't lean against the door. Terry caused structural damage.
Gina My God, you're strong.
Gina Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the most anticipated event in this precinct's history! The auction for-
[Gina reaches down from the podium and holds up a vinyl briefcase; the gathered detectives are amazed. ]
Gina Exactly, Jacob. This puppy's been in the Lost & Found since 1976. No one alive today knows its contents. I'm happy to say Captain Holt has finally given me permission to auction it off!
I'll let you give me a spray tan! Any shade you want!
Gina Jake, willing to sacrifice his dignity! Who can top it?
Massage! I'll give you a massage!
Gina Charles, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified. Interesting approach. Orange Jake: Goin' once! Goin' twice!
I'll show you a picture of me in high school. There is side pony.
Gina Ooh! Rosa comin' in hot, Rosa comin' in hot!
I'll also give you full control over my hair and wardrobe.
I'll go on a date with you!
Gina SOLD! To Jake. Not to Scully. That really freaked me out and I just want this to end now.
Hey, Gina! We got an anonymous gift basket. Yeah, it's full of treats. It's got meats, cheeses, candies- all the food groups.
The cheese is amazing. It melts in my mouth. And in my hands!
Gina Hm. French chocolates, French cheeses, tiny French pickles. Did none of you detectives think this might be a gift for Captain Holt from someone in France ? Like his husband, per exemple?
What? No way! This is a nice present from an unknown, appreciative citizen that wanted us to munch!
Gina What's this, then? "Dear Captain Raymond Holt: Thinking of you. Best, Dr. Kevin Cozner, Ph.D." He even used their pet names.
Oh, no. I ate the chocolate-covered strawberry. That's the most intimate snack of them all!
Holt's gonna be back from his meeting in thirty minutes- what do we do?!
No! No. It's okay. We can fix this.
[32 minutes later. ]
Check it out, sir; a lovely gift basket that Kevin sent you, all the way from Paris.
[Holt unties the ribbon and removes the red plastic wrapping. Holt examines some of the items. ]
Stapler... scissors... rubber bands? [Picks up the package of rubber bands. ] That man really knows me!
This envelope contains my inheritance from my uncle, he died a year ago. He was so rich, he had a whole room in his house just to eat in.
Gina You mean like a dining room?
Gina Oh, dang.
Now, just because I'm definitely rich now doesn't mean I'm gonna forget my roots. You all get something, so fire away.
Jake, your friendship is gift enough for me.
Friendship is crap. I want a Ducati Monster 821.
All right, Rosa gets a motorcycle.
Oh, cool, I want a fast sports car.
Come on, you can be honest.
I want old, expensive books. I'll send you a list.
There you go. Now, let's find out what I'm worth... Ah, I'm too nervous. Sarge, you do it.
[Opens the envelope ] It's stock, one million shares!
... Of Blockbuster Video stock.
[Terry hands the folder back and everyone goes back to work in disappointment. ]
What? Is that bad? I still have a Blockbuster card. WHAT HAPPENED TO BLOCKBUSTER?!
Hey. Gina, how's the stalling?
Gina Great. The tow truck just got here, so that'll buy us at least an hour.
Tow truck?! What the hell'd you do to my car?!
Gina Bitch, I told you I was gonna wreck it!
You did. You did. Well, I'm gonna go follow up on a lead right now.
Gina Great. I'm gonna rip a bunch of wires out of your dashboard.
[Gina hangs up. ]
So what was it like getting hit by a bus?
Gina It was awesome.
I knew it! I always wanted to get hit by a bus.
Gina Yeah, I mean, I was legally dead for two full minutes. And I met God.
Tight. What does She look like?
Gina Ethnically ambiguous.
I see you filming, Linetti! What's in the yogurt?
Gina Normal stuff. Nothing you'd use to make a sidewalk with.
Attention, squad. I just got word from Peralta and Boyle.
Did they make their bust? Did they save the precinct?
No, they decided to bring in a bigger fish. They're not gonna make the hearing.
So Jake's doing the right thing instead of the selfish thing? [To Amy ] You did this to him.
Look, I know we want this precinct to survive, but I'm proud of them. Loyalty to your friends and fellow officers is important, but what's more important is our loyalty to this city, and its citizens. I guess what I'm trying to say is... let's go get drunk.
[The detectives are meeting at a bar after the 99th Precinct was saved at the last minute]
Apparently the community came to our aid. There was a swell of online support orchestrated by an organization called "Ginazone".
Gina I think you mean "Ginazon". I was behind the bar the whole time. Another great Gina Linetti entrance.
B Bartender
I told you- you can't be back here.
Gina And I told you - I already am!
Gina I was live-streaming a prank when Captain Holt made his big speech about how you did the right thing for the city. I guess people were moved, they were like, "What can we do to help?" and I said "Call the Commissioner's office."
The G-Hive is real! I can't believe you did it! Gina, you're a legend! To the Nine-Nine!
HT Holt, Terry, Scully, Hitchcock, Amy, Diaz, Boyle
To the Nine-Nine!
[Everyone drinks the toast but immediately spits out the beer bottles' contents. ]
Gina [live-streaming the prank with her phone] Y'ALL JUST DRANK CEMEEEEENT!
Gina New phone, who dis?
You can't do that in person. It's Charles! Boyle, your co-worker.
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Brooklyn Nine-Nine · 153 quotes
Gina
