Shawn Hunter quotes from Boy Meets World

Shawn

I can't just sit here and watch your beautiful skin and silky hair and perfect face and long, long legs. [drops some pages]

Topanga

Isn't there anything you want to say about my eyes?

Shawn

[picking up script and putting the pages in order] Yes, yes. The number of eyes... on your face... That's, um. That's, that's, that's nice.

Stuart

Shawn!

Shawn

Stuart!

Stuart

Nice haircut.

Shawn

Thanks. Eight bucks.

Stuart

Looks like it.

Cory

I don't care what Gambling Dan thinks. Why does he call me The Major?

Shawn

It stands for Major Wuss. He says if there was a Whipped magazine, you'd be the centerfold.

Cory

Okay, first of all, there is a Whipped magazine. I didn't subscribe. Somehow they found me.

Topanga

What is this? [holds up paper]

Shawn

It's a B! Hey, we got the same grade.

Topanga

This is a travesty.

Angela

I got a B-plus.

Topanga

Who cares? How do I get the same grade as these two schlubs?

Shawn

I hate being the third wheel.

Cory

Oh, please. You know, you've been the third wheel with me and Topanga so long, I think of us as a tricycle.

Shawn

What's the point of even going to class?

Cory

Because otherwise we have to go to war.

Cory

What, are you breaking up with me in a restaurant? In a public place, so I won't make a scene? You think I won't make a scene?

Shawn

I know you'll make a scene.

Shawn

I hate to have to tell you this, but, my dad died last week.

So, who shot him?

Shawn

[referring to Joshua] Man, are we gonna have fun with this kid!

Cory

Kid's gonna be our slave!

Shawn

Oh, I'm gonna teach him everything I know.

Cory

Then I'll bail him out of jail!

Topanga

Mr. Feeny, will you say something to them?

Cory

Hey, Mr. Feeny, I think you're gonna have another Matthews to teach!

Shawn

Yeah, maybe he'll have a kid like me to sit next to!

Cory

He won't have to.

Shawn

Why not?

Cory

You'll still be there!

Shawn

[erupts with laughter] Ouch!

Shawn

[of a million-dollar marriage offer] Take the money.

Cory

But I love Topanga.

Shawn

We all do. Take the money.

Shawn

Hand me the rare Phoenician mallet. [Cory hands him a mace-like object] No, no, no, no. That's an early Egyptian dental tool. [Cory hands him a small, wooden hammer] Here we go [hits the jar's lid and the hammer head pops off] Phoenician piece of crap.

Cory

Shawn, you broke it. That's not part of the plan.

Shawn

I'll replace it! I see them all the time at Bed, Bath & Phoenician. [still can't open jar] Here, hand me the Byzantine statue of King Hopheratu. [Cory hands him a small, golden statue. Shawn hits it against the jar lid. It shatters] Home Shopping Channel! There are 6 billion of them left.

Cory

I hold in my hands the pinnacle of God's creation. Think fast! [tosses a brain at Shawn; it hits his chest and falls to the floor]

Shawn

[bends down to pick it up and comes up with two brain halves] You want personality or motor skills?

Shawn

Cory, before we actually start interfering with these people's lives, don't you think we should find out why they actually split up in the first place?

Cory

It's insignificant, Shawnie. It's unimportant. Okay, this is Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence. We've known these people all our lives. They're in love with each other and they do not want to split up. Trust me, I once caught him grabbing her tushy and going, "Ah-ooga!" [pumps arm]

Angela

Go Away!

Shawn

Milk Man!

Angela

There aren't any milk men anymore.

Shawn

...Cow!

Cory

[referring to Eric] You know he's gonna drop the rings down the minister's pants.

Shawn

And dive right in after them.

Cory

With both hands. Causing the minister to freak.

Shawn

And cough.

Cory

And cough. And they'll knock over the candles and set the entire church on fire.

Shawn

And here comes the fire department with their hoses and axes, chopping up everything in sight. And Topanga's gonna blame --

Cory

Me! And I don't get nothin' on the honeymoon!