Jonathan Turner quotes from Boy Meets World

Turner

If you don't think deep down inside that you're all right, then I haven't taught you anything.

Turner

What about Hunter and Matthews?

Feeny

Ah. For those two, I shall have to go nuclear.

Turner

What does that mean?

Feeny

I shall call their mommies.

Feeny

They have demonstrated the power of labor. Now let's show them what management can do.

Turner

[smiling] Cave? We're gonna cave?

Feeny

You know, you seem amused by this display of defiance, Mr. Turner.

Turner

Oh, I am, I gotta say. Because if I had done to me what I did to them, then I'd have done the same thing to me that they did.

Feeny

[After a confused pause] Go to the board and diagram that sentence.

Feeny

Jonathan, all I'm hearing from your little election are ridiculous promises and character assassination.

Turner

Too much like the real thing, George?

Turner

[about Uncle Mike fixing his bike] Listen, you know this doesn't mean I'm gonna give the kid a break on grades or anything.

Like he needs it! Shawnie's the scholar of the family!

I think you're tellin' me the truth.

Turner

[about a biography assignment] Doesn't have to be somebody famous, just somebody real. Anybody you like.

Cory

Anybody?

Turner

Anybody.

Cory

Absolutely anybody?

Turner

Absolutely anybody.

Cory

I pick Shawn!

Shawn

I pick Cory!

Topanga

You know, you walked right into that.

Turner

I did, didn't I?

Turner

What do you know about women?

Shawn

What do you wanna know?

Turner

Oh, you think you can help me out, Hunter?

Shawn

Hey, you helped me.

Turner

Now, see: why can't you be this sharp in my class?

Shawn

Math's not my best subject.

Turner

I'm your English teacher.

Shawn

Then why you teaching math?

Turner

Are you kidding me?

Turner

George, even I gotta say, quit yankin' the guy.

Feeny

I yank you not.

Is this really your pig?

Turner

No, I've got my ark parked outside and I'm one pig short.

Turner

You know those three little words that are very difficult to say to a woman unless you really mean them?

Shawn

"Is Father home?"

Turner

No! "I love you."

Shawn

Oh, well you're just real vulnerable right now.

Turner

What's her number?

Shawn

1-800-TAKE-A-COLD-SHOWER.

Turner

Hey, Hunter! [walks over to Shawn, who is sleeping] Hey! [taps Shawn] How were you affected by that reading?

Shawn

[in his sleep] I don't wanna go to school, Daddy. Cory's reading poetry.

Turner

You get your butt out of that bed and get to class!

Shawn

[still sleeping] Okay... okay. [eyes closed, stands up clumsily and stumbles out of the class]

Turner

[deadpan] Gee, I wonder what's gonna happen.

Shawn

Mr. Turner, what if my choice is to not do the assignment?

Turner

You want this one, George?

Feeny

No, no, your class. I get them after lunch.

Turner

Well, then you would get an F, not get into college, and spend your time hanging out at the local convenience store waiting for them to bring in a new batch of lottery tickets.

Shawn

And that would change my life... how?

Shawn

All right. I always felt like there was this... hole in me, like I wasn't done, you know? And everyone could see it.

Turner

I never saw that! If you'd just told me maybe I could have --

Shawn

Let's not dwell on what people did or didn't do for me.

Turner

Yes! Let's dwell on that!