Jack Hunter quotes from Boy Meets World

Jack

(standing over the bodies of Eric and 'Feffy') Eric! Feffy. Eric! Oh, he was my friend! My roommate! I didn't really know her.

Jack

He paid half the rent! Now I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore! Wait...if I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore then I don't want to live!

Jack

[reading Chet's bills] "Past due"... "Final notice"... "Pay up"... "We're not kidding this time"...

Jack

[Reading Eric's manifesto] "Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself."

Jack

I don't want to talk about it, okay?

Eric

Yeah, well, I do! You took that out of my closet!

Jack

I'm just uncomfortable picking up girls.

Eric

Watch and learn. [gets very close to Jack's face with a weird smile]

Jack

What are you doing?

Eric

I'm loving you with my eyes.

Jack

Please don't.

Eric

Sorry buddy, this seat's saved for [sigh] Monica.

Jack

What happened to [sigh] Bridgette?

Eric

She found out about [sigh] Monica.

Jack

We usually go to the Val d'Isère and see the French Alps.

Shawn

Those of us in the trailer park just like to thank God for all that we have this time of year.

Jack

We pray on the plane.

Jack

[about Shawn's room] So when people throw garbage down the chute, this is where it winds up, huh?

Shawn

Are you calling me a pig?

Jack

A pig would never live in here.

Shawn

Oh, yeah?

Jack

Hey. I didn't hear you come in last night. Must've had a pretty good time with your date, huh?

Eric

Evening began at seven. Started with some intimate pre-dinner conversation at a quaint little Mexican place I happen to know. Came back here and... let's just say my clothes were off within five minutes. [sips coffee]

Jack

You opened your big mouth, she walked out. You ate alone at Taco Bell, came home, took off all your clothes and were asleep by eight 'o'clock.

Eric

How'd you do?

Jack

Not as good.

Jack

This whole Valentine's Day thing is one big scam. The greeting card companies, the candy stores, all trying to rip off the innocent consumer.

Eric

No date, huh?

Angela

Well, is any one of us safe??

Shawn

Yeah, virgins. Virgins never die.

Cory

All right! *to Topanga* Thanks for saving me.

Eric

*proud* I'm dead!

Jack

*resigned* I'm dead.

Shawn

Well, I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying.

Angela

Feeny...he's dead.

Shawn

Dad used to drink and then he stopped.

Jack

Do you know why he stopped drinking?

Shawn

Because he ran out of money?

Jack

Do you know why my mom left him?

Shawn

Because she went for a guy with more money?

Rachel

We're gonna be just like girlfriends! [leaves the room]

Jack

Girlfriends...

Eric

Just a minute! If I understand this correctly, girlfriends sleep together, bathe together and even get to see each other naked.

Jack

We already do that.

Eric

In conclusion... watches, chocolate, cheese. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the Swiss.

Jack

Eric, we were supposed to prove something!

He did.