“The Critic In The Cabernet” · Season 4, Episode 25
In this episode: Seeley Booth (5), Temperance Brennan (2), Cam (2), Lance Sweets (2), Angela Montenegro (1), Colin Fisher (1)
It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.
[...]
The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this.
Because it's childish.
Can we just try it, please?
[...]
Hunger.
Sex.
Whoa.
Horse.
Cowboy.
Child.
Baby.
Booth.
What, do you think I'm a baby?
You're a father.
Oh. Mother.
Birth.
Happy.
Sperm.
Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?
No, keep going.
Ok. Egg.
I want a baby.
Whoa!
Horse.
Brennan, this is crazy.
Why? I'm intellectually gifted, financially secure. Statistically, I could expect to have an exceptional child.
Fine. Yes. Absolutely. But do know how this is supposed to work, right?... You get naked together. You devour each other in a passionate frenzy.
Booth would think that would create an emotional bond between us.
[sarcastic] Of course that's ridiculous.
I knew you'd understand.
Then why use Booth at all? Why don't you use Fisher ... and his discount sperm?
No, Booth has a bigger mandible and a more prominent zygomatic than Fisher, as well as a more pronounced ratio between the width of his clavicles and his ilia.
So, it's because Booth is hot? Now we're getting somewhere.
I'm just donating.
So you decided?
No, no. I am deciding. I-N-G.
I know you, Seeley. You're going do it. You want to do it. You're not really doing it, but it's still doing it, even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
And what will it do for you?
She'll get what she wanted!
A piece of you?
[Booth is alone at the sperm bank when Stewie Griffin from Family Guy appears on a TV]
Why are you here at the bank, Booth?
[startled] AH!
You've got a hot doctor friend. Go to her and make a direct deposit like a man!
[Booth turns off the TV]
[to himself] That's impossible.
[The TV suddenly turns itself back on]
And yet we converse.
[Yelps and backs himself up against a wall]
[looking at some magazines on a table] Ooh, look! A pile of porn! Delicious! Give me a peek, Booth. Mmm? Just a little peek at a booby? Please?
[Booth unplugs the television and the screen goes black again. As he turns around, the TV turns itself on again.]
What's your problem? You're threatened by a cute, harmless baby? Grow a set! You do want her to have your baby, don't you?
Of course I do, it's just... I want her to have a baby because it's what she wants.
And you could just walk away like a heartless cad while she changes poo all by her lonesome?
It's what she wants!
[speaking from outside the room] Are you okay in there, Mr. Booth?
Uh, I'm fine. Just, uh, fine, thank you. [to Stewie] Listen, could you just go away now, okay? I don't need your help.
You know, you're not a bad looking fellow, and if you'd just keep an open mind...
Go back to cartoon land, wherever you came from. Leave!
You sure? I'm good at pretend games.
[Booth uses the remote control to turn the TV off.]
[Shakes his head] That wasn't possible.
But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.
God, you know, don't say it like that.
I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.
Saying it like that is worse.
Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.
So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
I didn't say that.
You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.
Fisher, have you ever just taken a moment to forget yourself, watch like The Three Stooges and just laugh?
Yeah, I never found humor in grown men giving each other concussions with construction equipment.
[To Hodgins] I try.
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