Jack Hodgins quotes from Bones

Hodgins

[pleading with Angela to let him to do an experiment] My sweet wife, please let a man have his toys.

Hodgins

It was the hooker in the bedroom with the candlestick. Tell me this case is not starting to sound like a game of Clue.

Hodgins

[to Angela] I love us. So much. The three of us. We're like a tight little cocoon of love.

Hodgins

If I've learned anything from being in this chair it's that happiness comes from accepting what you have.

Hodgins

[after learning that Cam made him interim director while she is on sabbatical] Wait a minute, I'm the king of the lab? I'm the king of the lab!!!

Zack

If Smokey here had access to the president, why would he attack a café?

Brennan

"Smokey"?

Zack

It's how I deal with stress.

Hodgins

Targeting everyday places causes panic. People stay home, the economy is crippled. It's Terrorism 101, man.

Hodgins

I graduated top of my class, Rhodes scholar, the youngest member inducted into the Academy of Physical Sciences, but she still makes me feel like a cretin.

Zack

She apologized to me.

Hodgins

[after Angela tells them she talked to Booth's girlfriend.] She's spying for you?

Brennan

No. No!

Zack

If you have nothing in common, it's difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction.

Brennan

[glares at Zack] Okay, stop.

Angela

He is there for the taking, honey.

Booth

Okay, I couldn't get his medical records.

Booth

What?

Brennan

[quickly] Nothing.

Angela

God, Etruscan burial crypts are so boring.

Hodgins

Oh man, I know. I mean silt profiles?!...you know what we need.

Angela

A murder investigation

Hodgins

All I am saying is, why cut somebody into pieces?

Zack

Pack'em up tighter; maybe, say, in a suitcase.

Hodgins

How did a bear open a suitcase?

I saw a documentary once where a bear got into a car and drove away.

Hodgins

That was not a documentary. It was a cartoon.

Angela

Did you work all night?

Hodgins

Yes, I shaved the truffle.

Angela

Is that anything like spanking the monkey?

Hodgins

I found boring dust.

Angela

Is there any other kind?

Hodgins

Boring dust is produced by beetles, which means the tree the truffle grew on was infested.

Zack

That's not going to impress Toni.

Hodgins

That's not why I did it. I did it to serve justice and capture a murderous cannibal.

Angela

That'll impress the hot courier.

Hodgins

I am back in the game.

Zack

What do we talk about?

Goodman

Your work, of course.

Angela

Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs.

Hodgins

Leave me out of it, I am not going.

Dr. Goodman

And how do you see your job?

Angela

I draw death masks.

Goodman

Is that really how you see it?

Angela

Don't you?

Goodman

You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro! You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body! You give victims back their faces! Their identities! You remind us all of why we're here in the first place! Because we treasure human life!

Goodman

Oh for God's sake.

Brennan

What happened?

Zack

Apparently, all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone.

Zack

(Ranting maniacally) I was out taking the pictures you needed and there was a sign and numbers on the ground and I thought, "Why assume a quasi-randomly generated function-oriented paradigm?"

Hodgins

Zack! When you talk that fast, human beings can't hear you.

Zack

1-2-4-0-2-5-1-0-2-2-1. That's the number they found on the victim.

Hodgins

You're the one with the photographic memory. I'm the one that's good with the ladies.

Hodgins

(Answering the phone) Hodgins.

Zack

Most recondite codes have a complex numerical cypher.

Hodgins

That's a fun factoid, Zack. Thank you.