Jack Hodgins quotes from Bones

Hodgins

What did you find?

Brennan

A shard of bone. How'd they miss that?

Hodgins

They're not as good as we are.

Booth

Why does he need a driver?

Zack

I can't drive.

Booth

You're a genius who can't drive?

Zack

If you knew what I know about structural design, you wouldn't drive either.

Hodgins

You want in on the action?

Angela

No thank you. I'm going to go have sex.

Hodgins

Have a good time.

Zack

Yeah, okay...

Hodgins

I demand another beetle. Jeff's got a groin pull.

Zack

Arthropods do not possess groins. Pay up

Hodgins

Using a refrigerator to hide a body... kinda perfect, isn't it?

Zack

A good way to remove the victim without being detected. The rubber gaskets seal in the odor.

Angela

Maybe the company should use that in their ads.

Hodgins

You were Brennan's professor?

She was 23, an adult.

Hodgins

[mocking] That's what Clinton said.

Zack

You run through a lot of students?

That was a long time ago and Tempe was very advanced...more colleague than student.

Zack

I'm a pretty advanced student.

No offense, but, um, I'm not interested.

Booth

Okay, could we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Some people believe it's more than just a myth.

Brennan

Well, who besides you?

Goodman

That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church.

Angela

I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway.

Hodgins

Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, it doesn't mean God doesn't love me.

Zack

Hey, I'm a rational empiricist all the way, unless you talk to my mother. Then I'm Lutheran.

Hodgins

Wow, was that a shot, because I apologized. I mean, Zach doesn't get to see his family, Goodman doesn't get to see his kids, Booth doesn't get to see his son. At least I'm an accidental Grinch, with all due respect, you're the grinch on purpose.

Brennan

I have no idea what you're saying to me.

Zack

I could build a random generator.

Goodman

Wouldn't it be best to match complementary people in a premeditated manner?

Hodgins

All right, I've got five numbers in my head, and five letters. You tell me the number, I tell you the matching letter.

Goodman

Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential?

Hodgins

Sequential. We'll go in order from youngest to oldest.

Zack

Six.

Hodgins

There is no six!

Goodman

A through E and 1 through 5?

Zack

Six!

Hodgins

There is no six!

Booth

(holding out a jar with names in it) Okay, just...pick a name, if you get your own, put it back.

Goodman

Oh. That could work.

Hodgins

You wanna know the true meaning of Christmas? It's being inside a 300-year-old inn with a French Canadian masseuse when there's ten feet of snow outside.

Zack

Christmas is going home to Michigan and heading into the woods with your brothers to cut a twelve-foot Christmas tree and you all decorate it together. Brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, forty people who all love you and are happy to see you. That, my friend, is the true meaning of Christmas.

Goodman

His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well-used. He's old for a warrior. Yet how did he die, Mr. Addy?

Zack

Looks like tuberculosis.

Goodman

A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted. Yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.

Hodgins

Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.

Zack

This is the type of situation where people say, "Oh, my God."

Hodgins

Pretend you're a person and say it.

Zack

Oh, my God.

Brennan

You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?!

Booth

I'm wondering if Rachel ever took part in one of those two-on-one specials?

Hodgins

Hey! The old two-on-one special! Classic!

Zack

What's a classic?

Booth

That's great. Just send me whoever she worked with the most.

Brennan

You're ordering a hooker to my hotel?!

Zack

Did I hear you say hooker?

Hodgins

Hey, how come I never get to go on these out of town trips?

Booth

You have much looser daily allowances than I do.

Brennan

Well, have fun.

Booth

[discussing the evidence with Zack and Hodgins] Asbestos from brake-pads, leaded gasoline, mechanic bench you know ...plus the mother was electrocuted by current from a generator. We're looking for an abandoned gas station or mechanic shop off the grid. Now, you guys are geniuses! [walks away]

Zack

How do we find that?

Booth

Work for the FBI, you idiot.

Hodgins

Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.

Hodgins

Typically, gravediggers are necrophiliacs looking for a little action.

Angela

Umm... ew.

Hodgins

Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?

Brennan

You can't arm Hodgins and not me.

Booth

What is it with you people and guns?