Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Booth

You missed? Wow. You've never kissed a girl before, Aubrey?

Aubrey

What? No, of course I have. Lots of times. It's just...have you ever tried to do something, but the timing was just all off?

Booth

You know what? You know, the first kiss is always awkward. There's lots of awkward moments. I mean, Bones and I, we had, uh, we had many awkward moments.

Aubrey

Yeah, but now you're happily married.

Booth

Yeah, but we wouldn't have been happily married if we gave up after that first awkward moment.

Booth

You ever hear of a drug called a Wiley Monkey?

Aubrey

Any relation to the coyote?

Aubrey

You should step into the 21st century.

Booth

You know what? The internet? It's for social idiots, people who don't have a life. Okay? I like to go out and bowl.

Booth

This is the guy that Scott kicked out?

Aubrey

Clearly wasn't because of his voice. That's like butter.

Booth

It always comes down to food with you, doesn't it?

Brennan

It's a tea made from ginger, fennel and anise.

Booth

Certainly smells like that.

Brennan

[sighs] Booth, I said "anise", not "anus".

Booth

Smells like the other end, too.

Booth

This inquiry is related to an ongoing murder investigation. Just need to know why you've been spending so much time here at the range recently.

I don't know. I guess since I've been back, this is the only place that makes sense.

Booth

According to these files, you're pretty outspoken towards the president.

Look, all I said was he didn't serve. And unless you serve, you shouldn't be allowed to send others off to die.

Booth

Travis, I know how you feel. All right? I served. I was a Ranger. I saw things that that still stay with me. But it gets better.

Brennan

So, the fractures on the calcaneus and cuboid of the right foot...

Booth

Well, you know, sometimes hockey players block shots with their feet, but, you know, skates, they can only protect so much.

Brennan

And the broken ribs?

Booth

Well, there's cross-checking. I mean, being slammed into the boards, not to mention all the fighting that there is in hockey.

Brennan

[impressed] This is very useful, Booth. You're practically an intern on the case.

Booth

All right, stop. Not an intern, don't call me an intern, don't even think about calling me a squint, all right? I just happen to know a little bit about hockey.

Booth

What is with the breath coming through the back right now? It smells like death warmed over almost like a toxic blast of camel butt.

Aubrey

[looks offended] Wow. This is a black kale chia smoothie.

Booth

Why? Why are you drinking that? Did you lose a bet or something?

Brennan

Do you have an infected lesion?

Booth

What? Why would you even ask that?

Brennan

Well, black kale is high in vitamin K and antioxidants, both of which promote healing.

Aubrey

Jessica just thought maybe it'd be a good idea if I went on a junk food cleanse.

Booth

Go back to the donuts because that just smells like monkey ass.

Booth

I'm a sniper, you hear me, and snipers, they do not fire blanks.

Brennan

And in that analogy, my ovaries are what, target practice?

Brennan

Booth, I found something.

Booth

She found something.

Oh, my Is this where he died?

Booth

No, this is where he went to heaven.

Brennan

My husband is euphemistically referring to sex. By the sheer quantity––

Booth

[interrupts] You're gonna need a new cleaning service. So who was Mr. Felbeck seeing?

Brennan

By seeing, he means in-intercourse.

Caroline

I hear Aldo was in rough shape. What was going on with him?

Booth

I don't know, Caroline. I hadn't spoken to him for over a year.

Caroline

If I know you, you tried.

Booth

You know what? I'm not gonna let myself off the hook on this one, all right? Anytime I needed anything, anything, Aldo was always there for me.

Caroline

I'm sure that goes for the other men in your unit, too.

Booth

What does that mean?

Caroline

He took on all their troubles.

Brennan

Moving forward, there is only one thing you can do for Aldo.

Booth

Look, if you're gonna tell me to forgive myself, please don't.

Brennan

Forgiveness would be ineffective.

Booth

Okay then, what? I mean, what works?

Brennan

Revenge.

Booth

That's not me. I mean, there are rules.

Brennan

You will follow those rules. The act of bringing a murderer to justice is, anthropologically speaking, a form of revenge. You have suffered a loss. Making the killer suffer for that loss will help.

Booth

Yeah, well, I hope so, Bones. Because right now I couldn't feel much worse.

Brennan

It didn't go well with the men?

Booth

These guys saw hell. You know, most of them are still paying the price.

Brennan

You feel the effects of war, too, Booth.

Booth

Yeah. Yeah, but I got lucky. I got a great family and great life. Got all this.

Brennan

You're an addict, just like Aldo.

Booth

Yeah.

Brennan

Unlike him, you got help.

Booth

Yeah. But you're in my corner. That's the difference. Aldo had no one.

Booth

You know, my old man, he was a piece of work.

Aubrey

Yeah, he drank, right?

Booth

Yeah. He drank, and he beat the crap out of me and my brother, till Pops took us in.

Aubrey

I guess neither one of us drew very well in the fatherhood lottery.

Booth

Well, you know, with my dad, he died a while back. I never got a chance to really confront him. Tell him how I really feel, you know, man-to-man.

Agent Aubrey, if you were to yield to your desire, rather than fight it, I think you might be able to return to the matter in hand.

Aubrey

Is it that obvious?

Booth

You're drooling like a Great Dane. I'll take that. [Aubrey reaches out to the plate to take a petit four] They're for me.

Please, gentlemen, don't fight over them. There are plenty to go 'round.

Aubrey

[looks defiantly at Booth] Plenty.

Share. Good children share, don't they?