Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Sweets

It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.

Sweets

The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this.

Brennan

Because it's childish.

Sweets

Can we just try it, please?

Booth

Hunger.

Brennan

Sex.

Booth

Whoa.

Brennan

Horse.

Booth

Cowboy.

Brennan

Child.

Booth

Baby.

Brennan

Booth.

Booth

What, do you think I'm a baby?

Brennan

You're a father.

Booth

Oh. Mother.

Brennan

Birth.

Booth

Happy.

Brennan

Sperm.

Booth

Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?

Sweets

No, keep going.

Booth

Ok. Egg.

Brennan

I want a baby.

Booth

Whoa!

Brennan

Horse.

Booth

I'm just donating.

So you decided?

Booth

No, no. I am deciding. I-N-G.

I know you, Seeley. You're going do it. You want to do it. You're not really doing it, but it's still doing it, even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.

Booth

She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.

And what will it do for you?

Booth

She'll get what she wanted!

A piece of you?

Why are you here at the bank, Booth?

Booth

[startled] AH!

You've got a hot doctor friend. Go to her and make a direct deposit like a man!

Booth

[to himself] That's impossible.

And yet we converse.

Booth

[Yelps and backs himself up against a wall]

[looking at some magazines on a table] Ooh, look! A pile of porn! Delicious! Give me a peek, Booth. Mmm? Just a little peek at a booby? Please?

What's your problem? You're threatened by a cute, harmless baby? Grow a set! You do want her to have your baby, don't you?

Booth

Of course I do, it's just... I want her to have a baby because it's what she wants.

And you could just walk away like a heartless cad while she changes poo all by her lonesome?

Booth

It's what she wants!

[speaking from outside the room] Are you okay in there, Mr. Booth?

Booth

Uh, I'm fine. Just, uh, fine, thank you. [to Stewie] Listen, could you just go away now, okay? I don't need your help.

You know, you're not a bad looking fellow, and if you'd just keep an open mind...

Booth

Go back to cartoon land, wherever you came from. Leave!

You sure? I'm good at pretend games.

Booth

[Shakes his head] That wasn't possible.

Sweets

But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.

Booth

God, you know, don't say it like that.

Sweets

I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.

Booth

Saying it like that is worse.

Sweets

Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.

So are you going to let her have this baby alone?

Booth

I didn't say that.

You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.

Booth

No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!

And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.

Brennan

Cam says everybody thinks I'm a cold fish.

Booth

What you are is Iceland: cool to the touch, but underneath you're all volcano!

Brennan

I don't like people thinking that I'm a cold fish.

Booth

Look, if you were really a cold fish, you wouldn't care.

Brennan

You used logic on me! That's sweet! [They smile.] Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you.

Booth

Jared thinks, you know, I'm the killer, and he's helping me get away with it.

Brennan

So you're a murderer; I'm unfaithful. We are a very exciting couple!

Brennan

So did the police try to convince you I was having an affair with Arastoo?

Booth

It's what they do, you know? They drive wedges.

Brennan

It wouldn't be irrational to think I was having an affair with him. He is very handsome.

Booth

Yeah, I'd feel it if the energy was bad between the two of us. I'd know. The same way that you would know that I couldn't murder someone.

Brennan

I believe you would murder someone for me, and I believe you'd lie about it so I wouldn't have to carry the burden.

Booth

Hello! You've reached Bonnie and Clyde.

Brennan

Murder, Inc.

How may we help you?

Booth

I do not like cats.

Sweets

Well, that's consistent with the person you were before your brain surgery.

Booth

I don't own a nightclub, I'm not married to Bones, you are not a singing bartender and I hate clowns. So, can I go back to work now?

Sweets

When our sense of reality is challenged - you know - really challenged, it can take some time to regain our footing.

Booth

Look, it's been six weeks since I put my brain box through the blender, there. I am back, baby, huh! Special Agent Seeley Joseph Booth!

What's really on your mind?

Booth

[Sighs, troubled] All right, um, that place that, uh, I went to, you know, in my coma dream? It was just, Bones and I, it was so real.

[Bluntly] You're in love with Dr. Brennan.

Booth

[After a pause] What I'm wondering is, am I the same guy?

A sweet, kick-ass FBI murder solver with hard fists and a lion heart? Mmm, yep, you're still him. My advice, for what it's worth, is forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.

Booth

Right, and tell Bones how I feel.

Yes. Except, be sure about your feelings, because if you crack that shell and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.

Sweets

Do you know what you're looking at?

Booth

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you haven't been this close to one in a long time.

Sweets

It's a PET scan of your brain.

Booth

Hmm. Then I was wrong.

Sweets

This is called the ventral tegmental area, and this is the dorsal caudate body. Now these two areas have been proven to be linked to romantic love and sexual arousal.

Booth

If this is your version of dirty pictures, they're not working for me right now. [Closes the laptop computer.]

Sweets

No. [Reopens computer] This scan was taken before your operation. The green and blue areas indicate low activity. The same scan while you were in the coma: lit up like the fourth of July. You were dreaming of being in love, of being married, right? [changes image] The same scan, three days ago. Before your operation you were not in love. After your operation you were. Conclusion: your feelings are not real and will fade away, like every other symptom. Now, I think you and I both know that Dr. Brennan's hyper-rationale is really just a cover for a very vulnerable and sensitive core.

Booth

Well, great. So we're talking about Bones' brain, too, here now.

Sweets

So, if you breach those defenses and it turns out you don't really love her -- [puts PET scans on table] -- I left you hard copies.

Sweets

Perhaps he's a double agent. I mean, Rutledge certainly fits the profile. They're usually intelligent male officers, who had poor father figures resulting in repressed anger and revenge fantasies.

Double agent?

Sweets

By betraying his country Rutledge is essentially choosing a new father. One who might treat him better than the last.

Brennan

Yes, but that would also fit Booth and he's not a double agent. Are you?

Booth

Stop. Watch it, Sweets!

Sweets

All elephants are gray, Agent Booth, but not all gray things are elephants.

Booth

[whispers] That's good for me, right?

Brennan

[whispers] Yeah.

Brennan

Shouldn't we be honest with each other?

Booth

We're honest! I mean, aren't you? I mean, I am.

Brennan

So you have no problem with me making so much more money than you.

Booth

No. [Brennan makes a face] Well, yeah, but it's -- it's a little weird. I mean, you're loaded. You're really loaded, and you still don't even have a flat screen. That's just kind of weird, to be honest. It's a little French, if you ask me.

Brennan

Rutledge said the bug was checked out in your name.

I got the bug because I was afraid Greg was cheating on me.

Booth

So why didn't you mention this before?

We weren't supposed to date! I guess it's not like the FBI. We're not allowed to sleep with someone we're working with.

Brennan

Is she talking about us?

Booth

We're not.

Brennan

No!

Oh, it's okay. I'm CIA. My lips are sealed.

I'm afraid protocol in the intelligence community isn't as simple as someone like you is used to. [Brennan looks to Booth]

Booth

Someone like me? Look, Rutledge, the more you tell us about your agent's assignment, the easier it will be for us to track down the guy who murdered him.

Brennan

That's what "someone like him" does.

As far as what assignments he was working on, that information is classified. And far beyond what I am able to share with...

Booth

With someone like me.

Yes.

Booth

FYI, you know what? I have Level 3 clearance and my SSBI was renewed two months ago, which allowed me to get this warrant. [shows Rutledge a warrant]

Brennan

[impressed] Well played Booth!

Booth

Thanks Bones!

[reads the warrant] Right. She doesn't have clearance. [points to Brennan] You can wait in the lobby, Dr. Brennan.

Brennan

[as she is about to leave] You know, I can keep a secret.