Might I offer a word of advice regarding young Dr. Sweets?
BoothMight I try to stop you.
Why do we need advice about Sweets?
Booth
We don't. Sweets is just fine.
He most definitely is not fine. I've read his book.
Wait, did he say something mean about us?
On the contrary. You might as well know that he lost both his adoptive parents just before he came to work for your de facto crime fighting unit.
Booth
What are we, the land of misfit toys?
He's a good lad, Sweets, but this book he's writing, he's using it as the vehicle to get what he actually wants. Which is a family.
So he imprinted on us like a baby duck?
Booth
Ok, let's shut it down guys, come on! [walks in showing his badge] FBI! Let's go! [shows the guitarist his badge]
[Guitarist spits on Booth's badge and hisses at him. Booth turns and looks at Dr. Wyatt and Brennan and then shoots the loudspeaker multiple times]
[sternly to Booth] Yes, now if you recall, it was shooting inanimate objects that had you brought to me for therapy in the first place.
Booth
I thought it was a justifiable shooting.
Booth
She agrees. See?
GGuitarist
[hesitantly] You gonna put your gun down?
Booth
Don't rush me, ok? [wipes his badge on guitarist's pants] I'm thinkin'!
Booth
Just make sure when they put me in the ground, I'm dead.
Booth
Right? Maybe, uh, you know, leave my body out for a few hours and check on me every once in a while.
No, I'd rather refrigerate you, or else you would start to smell.
Booth
Nobody looks inside the casket, okay Mr. Tung?
Booth
Just, um- w- Bones, how does he do that?
Say someone enters and desires to gaze upon the visage of their dead relative one more time, in a vain effort to say goodbye to someone who can neither see nor hear them because there's no such thing as a soul--
Booth
Bones, just- ju- Bones, Bones. Just give him a reason not to show the body.
We are encountering fluid seepage at the moment, and the body is not available for viewing just now.
TTung
I would never phrase it that way.
Booth
I know, it's perfect! It's so gross.
Booth
[to Mrs. Reilly who is insisting on seeing her son's body] That's, uh, really not a great idea right now, ma'am.
Booth
Well, there's a....
[cuts in for a tongue-tied Booth] The fact is, um, the undertaker, uh, he didn't graduate at the top of his class...so... [Booth glances at her]
RMrs. Reilly
But I just saw Hank earlier.
Yes, yes you did. Um, but, um, the puddy that they used to fill in the face has sort of...melted. And, um, his nose is sort of, going to the side. [Mrs. Reilly cringes] Um, and his hair....is like Hitler.
Booth
Hitler.
RMrs. Reilly
[horrified] Hitler??
Listen, I really think it would be best if you let Mr. Tung fix him up before you see your son.
BBarney
[walks into the room] There you are.
RMrs. Reilly
[to her other son] Turn around Barney! You can't see Hank, not like this.
RMrs. Reilly
Like Hitler!
Will he recover? Your friend Ken.
Booth
From losing his sister? You don't recover from something like that. You just survive.
People die. There's a fault in the design if we can't recover from it.
Booth
Fault in the design. What are we, coffee pots?
I just mean that we should be designed so that we can handle the worst.
Booth
We are designed that way. We aren't sent anything that we can't handle.
I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it.
Booth
I have a son and it's worth it.
Booth
Whoa, Bones, don't even say anything like that. Don't even put that out there. It is worth it and everything around it is worth it. Every moment. Everything is worth it. Now eat your ice cream before it melts.
They keep track of sexual conquests by putting stars on the wall?
It's emotionally stunted.
Booth
Guys, it's a college fraternity.
They seem like really terrible people.
Booth
They're college kids, okay? It's their job description to be bad. It's what they do.
Yeah, but still. It's a community of young men mutually supporting bad decisions.
Booth
Look, these kids, they go out into the world. They're alone, they have no supervision, they have to be bad. It's just in order to figure out what it is. It's a scientific fact that their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
No, that is not a scientific fact.
Booth
What they've got to do is build their frontal lobes with exercise, and that comes from doing the wrong thing.
Okay, so you're theory is that they've got to be bad to be good.
Booth
Exactly. It's the facts of life, my friend. Okay, so whats transmissions did you get from the brothers?
Booth, he is not a radio.
Booth
Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.
What I did observe, using my eyes and my training, is that these two frat brothers weren't actually upset about Beaver's death.
Well, real grief comes and goes in waves. These guys had their face set in sadness the whole time. They were lying.
I believe you're just guessing.
Okay, fine. I'm just a magic eight ball. [walks away]
Booth
I think you hurt his feelings.
[incredulous] Did you believe him?
Booth
Jared wants me to go to India with him.
Booth
India, okay? Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras, Slumdog Millionaire.
Booth
We don't like each other.
Booth
Well, he's my brother. I still love him.
I'm confused. You are going?
Booth
Jared should not go to India alone. He'll get in all kinds of trouble.
You said he's never been alone.
Booth
Exactly! He'll be eaten alive.
If you go with him, then he won't be alone. You won't let him be bad and his frontal lobe always be the size of a raisin. That's what you said. It makes no scientific sense.
Booth
Yeah. Got it.
So, um, do you... do you really think you have to be bad to be good?
Booth
Yeah, I do.
Well, I've never done anything "bad".
Booth
[nods] I believe you.
I mean, I've made mistakes, of course, but I've never purposely done anything bad.
Booth
And I believe you.
I don't want my frontal lobe to be a dried-up raisin.
Booth
[smiles in bemusement, grins and turns to Brennan] You know what, we're gonna do something bad now.
Booth
[grins] Have you ever dined and dashed? You know the concept, right? We're gonna run outta here without paying the bill.
Booth
That's why they call it bad. Are you ready...
No I can't...really? No....are you serious??? [grins excitedly as Booth prepares to run] Oh my god!
Bones · 1,470 quotes
