Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Booth

I told the ice cream guy I was sorry, alright, I-I-I even bought him a new clown head, so just sign the paper. (tries to hand the pen and waver to Dr. Wyatt)

Wyatt

I must apologize, but I've got to go off and get some ingredients for my mortar. Um, why don't we reschedule?

Booth

We can't reshcedule, alright, I-I-I got to get back to work.

Wyatt

Oh, well, in that case, um ... why not finish off uh preparing this area here. Could you do that? All the specifications are on the plans. You are fit for physical labor aren't you, I mean the uh clown didn't return the fire did it?

Booth

(gets up and throws down the pen) Oh, yeah and uh what if I said the plastic clown did fire back huh?

Wyatt

Brilliant! Now, while I'm gone what I want you to do is to consider what you were really aiming at when you drew a beat at that unfortunate clown.

Booth

Hey buddy, when I aim at something, I hit it.

Wyatt

Precisely.

Wyatt

You know what? I'm in America. We are men. Let's drink coffee, not tea, ay? (examining Booth's handiwork) Oh, I say. Marvelous job.

Booth

Thank you. (takes a sip of the coffee) That's not coffee.

Wyatt

Ah, what is it?

Booth

I don't know what the hell it is, but it sure as hell isn't coffee, Doc.

Wyatt

Earlier you said you weren't used to drinking tea with men which suggests to me that you're usually pretty rigid in your assignment of gender roles.

Booth

What? No, no. My partner is a woman, okay? A woman who needs my help.

Wyatt

But are you currently involved with anyone?

Booth

Just broke up with someone, okay? Me. And I ended it.

Wyatt

How long had you been involved with her? Or him.

Booth

Her! Let's get that straight, okay? Her. Couple of months this time.

Wyatt

This time?

Booth

We'd gone o- we'd gone out, b-before a-a f-few years ago, and I, I, ya know, we ah, I broke it up when ah, ya know, my ex wanted to give it another go. Ah! That's it. I shot the clown because I can't let go of the women in my life. Thanks, Doc. Alright. Now I can go back to work and you can sign the (faking a British accent) papa.

Wyatt

Excellent theory, but quite wrong! And, we're out of time. Tomorrow I'll wait for you?

Brennan

I thought you said you'd be down on the next flight.

Booth

I haven't met with the shrink, yet.

Brennan

What shrink?

Booth

Well, the department psychiatrist has to sign a piece of paper saying, you know, that I am not nuts before I get my gun back, so I got an appointment tomorrow.

Brennan

(sarcastically) Great, now I have to break in this Agent Sullivan?

Booth

Sully's a great guy, okay. And for your information, you never broke me in.

Wyatt

You know, in an effort to understand your culture better I've been trying to embrace this very American practice of preparing meat in the garden.

Booth

Barbeque.

Wyatt

Hmmm, it's a delightful word isn't it? Barbeque.

Brennan

Why do you call your psychiatrist "Gordon Gordon"?

Booth

'Cause that's how he introduces himself. You know, "Hi, I'm Gordon. Gordon Wyatt."

Brennan

Like "James. James Bond."

Booth

"Bond. James Bond." Not "James. James... James"... whatever.

Wyatt

Why don't we talk about the case you're working on at the moment?

Booth

Why?

Wyatt

Well, I am trained as a forensic psychologist. I might be able to help.

Booth

Okay, fine, great. I have a dead rich guy, works with at-risk youth, gets brutally murdered after confiscating a couple pounds of heroin from one of his kids.

Wyatt

Interesting that the first word you used to describe him is "rich."

Booth

Uh, second. The first description was "dead."

Well, two hands are better than one, Booth.

Booth

Well, last time I checked, I had two hands. See?

Angela

Testosterone spill on aisle four.

Booth

Don't knock therapy, okay? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways--

Brennan

We do everything together.

Booth

--of dealing with them.

Brennan

What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?

Booth

You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.

Brennan

Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.

Booth

Kit and caboodle.

Brennan

Whatever.

So what? You got a part of the groom instead of the bride?

Booth

Bones stole it!

Brennan

Uh, not stole -- swapped.

Booth

From an old Chinese lady's mantle.

Brennan

I brought a bunch of chimpanzee bones and pulled the old ah, switchamacallit.

Booth

Switcheroo.

Whatchamacallit.

Booth

Two different things.

Booth

I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.

Brennan

Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.

Zack

Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.

Booth

By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!

Brennan

And at one time most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.

Booth

[to Zack] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all. [to Brennan] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!

Brennan

Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God, I'll burn in hell?

Booth

Ooh, that's tempting.

Booth

We're definitely not working well together.

Brennan

Because you are bossy and judgmental.

Booth

Problems between people -- it's never just one person's fault.

Brennan

What about Hitler? He did pretty well on his own.

Wyatt

[to Brennan] In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psycho-social development. Which, by the way, is an issue you should address, because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.

Brennan

I hate psychology.

Booth

You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is your fault.

Wyatt

Mmm, on the contrary. [to Booth] If anything, your issues are more pronounced, given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for someone else's destiny.

Brennan

That makes sense.

Booth

Oh, now you like psychology.

Brennan

So you think "Icepick" might still be alive.

Booth

As a friend of mine likes to say, don't jump to conclusions...[gets up and smiles smugly at Brennan] until all the evidence is in.

Brennan

If the facts are in then it's not "jumping to a conclusion". I never said that.

Booth

I never said that the "friend" is you, ok? [walks out]