BrennanWhat? Monuments to sporting events in ancient Egypt include fishing, as well as swimming and wrestling.
Come on! No sweat, no sport!
Brennan
Well -- oh! Boris Spassky at chess. He used to perspire profusely.
Why do you got to make things so complicated? Let me break it down for you, okay? Basketball, football, hockey: that's a sport. Board games, fishing: not a sport!
You'll probably go easy on the fried food after this one.
Brennan
Well, the International Olympic Committee is considering adding chess as a sport.
Neither is ribbon twirling, bridge or synchronized swimming.
Synchronized swimming, that's not a sport, that's for sure.
Oh, God. I'm in the middle of something, aren't I? Oh, look! Dead guy!
Yeah, look at that. The Colonel's not going to like this one.
Male, no sign of clothing, all other stats still unknown. He was found at the bottom of this grease receptical by those lovely gentleman over there.
Brennan
The remains are covered in flesh. Why am I here?
I don't know. I told Booth. Oh, God. In the middle again!
Steve Rifton, 26-year-old mailman reported missing by his wife twelve days ago. You figured out he was a mailman and guess what? He's a mailman!
Brennan
Why are you surprised?
It doesn't surprise me. It amazes me sometimes how you can figure that stuff out. It's a mailman! You figured that out!
Brennan
[smiling] I'm good at my job.
Wait until you see what I've got here. Okay, here --
Brennan
Marked in red.
Right. Is Steve Rifton's postal route. And here --
Brennan
Marked in black.
Right, is the grease truck's route. See what I've done here?
Brennan
Obviously you've created a geographic Venn diagram.
No, no, incorrect. What I've shown is here is they've overlapped in the same area.
Brennan
You need to Google "Venn diagram."
Brennan
I have to remove your clothing now.
Brennan
Well, there may be particulates.
Brennan
Evidence for Hodgins and flesh for Cam.
You know, the bomber said something about answering the call. What do you think that means?
Brennan
Many terrorists think they're acting upon divine instruction.
I don't think he was a terrorist. I just think he was a bank robber.
Brennan
There's spatter on the back of your collar.
Brennan
Okay.
I can take my own shirt off.
Brennan
No, don't! You'll compromise the evidence.
Brennan
I'm having Christmas dinner at my place this year with my dad. Considering you've been shunted aside by your own family, I'd like to invite you.
That's a sweet invitation.
Brennan
So, will you come?
I don't know. I was thinking about going up to Quebec to see Parker. I don't really care what Rebecca thinks.
Brennan
If you do that won't she retaliate by insisting upon coming to all your special times with Parker?
Brennan
You have a perfect acromion. Stand up.
Whoa! Is there stuff on my pants?
Brennan
Vascular tissue on your cocky belt buckle.
All right. Slides right off. And now we're done.
Brennan
Nope. I have to remove your pants.
All right, you know, I'm just going to start reciting some saints. St. Joseph, St. Peter, St. Paul, St. John --
[Cam walks in]
[Sees what's going on] Anyone for mistletoe?
Brennan
I'm recovering evidence.
Just evidence! That's all!
So I decided to take you up on your offer.
Brennan
What offer?
You invited me to your house for Christmas dinner. You forgot you invited me.
Brennan
No, it's just -- no! My dad brought by my second cousin and I really didn't like her.
Brennan
Why do you say that?
Because she's family. Ninety percent of the time, family just gets under your skin. That's the difference between family and friends.
Brennan
She's unapologetically dogmatic, she lives her entire life based on the quotations of Benjamin Franklin.
Maybe she feels the same way about you and your mania of logic.
Brennan
Mania?
Brennan
Sometimes people are terrible.
Brennan
Cam says that the victim's mother is burying him on Christmas morning.
Brennan
It's just him and his mom, right?
He worked alone and never had any time for friends. What's wrong?
Brennan
Max told me that being alone at Christmas means that nobody loves you. She's burying her son. Alone. On Christmas. I think that's heartbreaking.
You know, when I say heartbreaking you say the heart is a muscle, so it can't break. It can only get crushed.
Brennan
Isn't it heartcrushing?
You want to go to his funeral?
Brennan
Yes, I would. Then she won't be alone.
You know what, Bones? Sometimes I think your heart muscle is bigger than people give you credit for.
Brennan
Her skeletal robusticity and large areas of muscle attachment suggest extremely good health.
A couple of weeks in the desert and no critters got at these remains?
WWendel
Perhaps there was a lot of green radiation from alien hyperdrive systems? [Cam and Brennan look at him strangely] Or something not crazy.
Brennan
The man who found them remarked that he saw several set of orange eyes staring at him from the darkness.
WWendel
Orange eyeballed aliens?
Brennan
Tapetum lucidum of the American coyote glows orange when light strikes the retina. What he saw were likely coyotes, not orange eyeballed aliens. Oh, you're being facetious. That was funny.
Brennan
Oh, good! You got here for the good stuff!
Brennan
The MRI. It's an older model but entirely serviceable.
Okay, for future reference, that's not the good stuff.
Brennan
Sure it is! Look at all those remodeled lateral muletas fractures. Also, signs of inflammation to the tendon fibers here and damage to -- [looks up to see the body appearing to sit up and screams in reaction]
[Booth draws his gun only to have it pulled from his hand by the magnet in the MRI. Brennan shuts the machine down; the body and the gun fall to the ground.]
[pause] You know, I won't say anything about the scream if you don't say anything about the gun.
Brennan
Those terms are satisfactory.
Brennan
It's ridiculous to think that there's anything on this planet worth seeing which merits crossing what are literally astronomical distances.
Maybe aliens are anthropologists. Maybe they just want to study our religion, and sex, and love, and our funny languages and line dancing.
Brennan
That's an interesting possibility I hadn't considered.
Well they're living creatures. They like to reach out, Bones.
Brennan
Living creatures like to reach out and eat each other.
Oh, so what are you saying? That the aliens just want to come down here and drink our spinal fluid?
Brennan
Well, if the aliens are advanced enough to fly faster than light, then they can probably make spinal fluid.
Well you just said that aliens are nice.
Brennan
I did not!
You just basically said that aliens are nice anthropologists.
Brennan
I don't think so.
You think that aliens are you!
Brennan
[laughs] You got me! I'm one of them. I was sent down as an advanced scout.
Ha! I knew it! No probing! No probing!!
Brennan
[laughs] Hey, probing is a valuable way to gather information.
I know how you people like to probe!
Strange question, I know, but I've gotta ask. [pulls EPT test from behind her back] Are you, by any chance, pregnant?
Brennan
No, I haven't had sexual intercourse in quite some time.
Do you want to know why I'm asking?
Brennan
You're holding a home pregnancy test. I assume it's positive and you're worried about losing the most important person in this lab.
No. Very modest. I'm asking because Michelle was here earlier this afternoon and the only other two people who you use that bathroom, beside me, are you and Angela.
Brennan
Well, Angela is currently sexually active.
Brennan
With Wendell!
Brennan
And even if they use condoms, Wendell is young! His sperm is likely to be extremely motile.
You are so cheering me up right now.
Brennan
Bone graft. It looks like a repair to a screw hole.
Huh. I count three metal plates.
Brennan
Indicating multiple corrective surgeries.
Which could help us positively identify these remains.
Brennan
Mr. White told us to regard identification as a zero priority.
I'm not as good as you are at doing as I'm told.
Brennan
[smiles] Thank you!
Hey, guys! Guys, listen, I'm going to need some science jibber-jabber to distract these guys!
Brennan
Oh, do you know who's really good at jibber-jabber?
Brennan
Me!
[...]
Brennan
Because you have forbidden us from taking samples in order to estimate the osteoconductivity of the oblique taphonomic remodeling to the mid saggital plane, enchaplametric transaction, or translation, if you will of the intramatrix can be deduced by correlating the force displacement values with the osteogenic and geogenic hydrogel nanocomposite we placed inside the surrogate.
WAgent White
Which is the cantaloupe?
Brennan
You understand me perfectly.
You two don't understand. Booth is a very patriotic man. He really believes this is the greatest country ever.
Brennan
Being the best doesn't mean being perfect.
It's naive to think that a country the size and influence doesn't pursue secret agendas.
Kennedy's assassination wasn't a secret agenda, it was a black stain. A dark moment in history. Do you know how many people Booth has shot for his country?
Brennan
Approximately fifty.
Wow. That's a lot of blood to have on your hands. It's the kind of thing that would keep a person awake at night.
And Booth did that because he trusted that it was right, and who did he trust?
Brennan
Oh.
If they lied about the murder of a president, they can lie about anything.
Were you aware that JFK had scarlet fever in childhood?
Brennan
Hodgins informed me of that fact, yes.
Scarlet fever can cause osteomyelitis.
Brennan
It's very rare, Cam. It can happen in approximately one in a hundred cases. It's statistically unlikely that it was Kennedy.
You're a good person. I will never forget what you did for him.
[...]
[offers Brennan his arm before crossing the street] Shall we?
Brennan
[smiling] We shall.
You know, you must think I'm crazy for being so happy that it wasn't JFK.
Brennan
I'm very impressed. You wanted the truth, even if it was going to hurt you.
Brennan
Really?
Yeah. I mean, sometimes you have to go with your brain over of your gut.
Brennan
That's nice, but I prefer that you always go with your brain over your gut, because your gut cannot think.
Your brain can't digest a breakfast burrito. I'm just saying, to each their own!
Brennan
To each their own.
Bones · 1,470 quotes
