Temperance Brennan quotes from Bones

Brennan

On behalf of humankind and the universe, I'd like to apologize for what happened to Ripley. He was born a cute little puppy, and then the people who adopted him wanted to kill him because they were too stupid to realize that he would grow into a big dog.

Booth

That's good.

Brennan

Ripley was a good dog. He didn't want to fight, but he did it to please his master. And he didn't want to attack a human being, but he did it -- to please his master. [holding back tears] You know, it wasn't Ripley's fault his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson.

Angela

These are children's shoes, but they're size 11.

So you think our victim was a giant toddler?

Brennan

That would show up in the bones.

Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform.

Sweets

These action figurines, they're awesome.

Booth

Still living at home there, huh, Sweets?

Sweets

No, I have my own place, and before that I lived with a woman. All right?

Brennan

Was that woman your mother?

Booth

Sweets, what are you doing?

Sweets

I'm putting myself in the mind of an obsessive-compulsive in order to figure out where I might conceal a memory-enhancing, psychosexual proxy.

Booth

Right, right. What's that mean?

Brennan

Masturbatory aid.

Booth

Oh. Check the shoes.

Sweets

Good.

Brennan

What? He's not going to find it in the shoes. (Sweets holds up a photgraph) Do all boys keep their masturbatory aids in their shoes, or is that particular to you?

Booth

That's for me to know and you to find out.

The publishing game's changed. You know what I mean, Dr. Brennan.

Brennan

No, I do not.

Booth

Try me, Mr. Tushman.

Book writing is no longer about good writing per se. It's about marketability. A book of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.

Brennan

Because I'm a very good writer.

You're serviceable, but your success is contingent upon your image as a hot scientist chick.

Brennan

That's not true, is it?

Booth

Of course not! Don't call my partner a chick! What's the matter with you?

Hodgins

I just wish Zack was here, that's all.

Booth

You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back!

Zack

I know where to find the victim's head.

This is not good.

Brennan

How did you get out?

Zack

You don't look happy to see me.

Booth

Oh, we're not!

Brennan

I am. I really am. (runs to hug Zack, others follow except for Booth)

Booth

What are you doing?

Brennan

I'm throwing out my book.

Booth

It's still on your hard drive, right?

Brennan

No, not any more it's not.

Booth

You erased it? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!

Brennan

I don't want to be a writer any more.

Booth

Oh, why? Because of what that publisher said? He was an idiot. Did you see his glasses?

Brennan

Well, I don't want to be a sexy scientist.

Booth

Well, that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are.

Brennan

Do you consider yourself to be one of my "brighter grad students," Mr. Nigel-Murray?

Vincent

Yes, and so do you, Dr. Brennan.

Booth

I am not calling this kid Mr. Nigel... anything.

Vincent

Vincent. Or Vince, or Vinny, Vin... Vincenzo. Actually, uh, I had this girlfriend, once, who used to call me "Vino Delectable" because of how my -- uh, you don't... need to know that.

Booth

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What goes first?

Brennan

Gun goes first.

Booth

That's right.

Brennan

What if you get shot?

Booth

Don't say things like that, all right? You're going to jinx me.

Brennan

Well, if you're relying on superstition for safety, perhaps I should carry the gun.

Brennan

[She walks up while Daisy and Cam are discussing the sculpture, and dumps a giant container of flesh-eating beetles onto it. They look at her with consternation.] I was going to say that I slipped, but I don't like to lie.

You dumped a bucket full of Dermestes beetles onto this work of art. They'll strip the flesh off our victim in no time.

Brennan

[nodding] Within 30 hours. Am I fired?

Au contraire. Remind me of this moment around Christmas bonus time.

Hodgins

I am shocked.

Brennan

Yeah. They should not be doing that on the forensic platform.

That's a method of termination I've never tried. Bravo, Dr. Sweets.

Booth

They'll never work. They're, like, complete opposites.

Brennan

I agree. For all her faults, she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. There's no common ground.

Booth

Right.

Brennan

You need common ground. What else is there?

Booth

Absolutely.

Booth

What's going on?

Hodgins

Sweets is firing Daisy for us.

We're wondering what his method will be.

Brennan

He'll explain to her logically that this environment is not conducive for either her or us and as a scientist, she'll realize that he's right.

Booth

[shakes head] No, Sweets is a lot sneakier than that. He'll use some kind of psychological Jedi mind trick to make her think it was her idea to quit.

Brennan

[to Booth's brother Jared] It is nice to meet you, Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's.

Jared

[to Booth, aside] Is she coming on to me?

Booth

No, it's just the way she talks.

Brennan

I didn't have sex with him, Cam.

Angela

Didn't have sex with who?

Jared Booth.

Angela

Good.

Brennan

Why good?

Because... because...

Angela

Because he's Booth's little brother, and it would just be a creepy way to have sex with a Booth without having sex with the real Booth.

Kudos, Angela. I would not have had the guts to say that out loud.

Dr. Brennan, I don't want you to think this is an intervention.

Brennan

I don't know what that means.

Sweets

An intervention is when a group of loved ones bands together to help one of their own make a difficult decision.

Oh, um, then this is an intervention.

Brennan

Are you my loved ones?