Temperance Brennan quotes from Bones

Brennan

I need to talk to you!

Booth

Okay, what the hell, Bones? I'm in my house, in my bathroom, in my bathtub! How the hell did you get in here, anyway?

Brennan

Well, that fake rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Why are you wearing a hat that dispenses beer?

Booth

Hot tub plus cold beer equals warm beer. Hat equals solution. But why are you--

Brennan

And that cigar? Very unhealthy.

Booth

Okay. What the hell do you want now, Bones, 'cause I'm not really feeling too relaxed.

Brennan

You should have told me that you weren't dead.

Booth

I already explained this to you. The Bureau has to vet everyone when there's a security issue. I was just following protocol!

Brennan

Protocol?

Booth

Yes!

Brennan

We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before! Sometimes putting my life in danger, which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me!

Booth

(stands) I took a bullet for you!

Brennan

Once! That only goes so far! (pause) Would you like a towel?

Brennan

(Booth is walking around the lab table, staring) Booth?

Booth

Hey Bones, I'm thinking here.

Brennan

Thinking about what, exactly?

Well, it's a pickle. The platform's a crime scene, but we need to access it to investigate the crime.

Angela

A "cake and eat it too" situation.

Zack

Is it a cake or a pickle?

Hodgins

It's Schrödinger's Cat.

Zack

That I understand. Cakes and pickles meant nothing to me.

Booth

Bones broke into my house last night.

Brennan

There was a key!

Booth

All angry because nobody told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol!

Sweets

Broke into your house?

Brennan

There was a key.

Booth

And barged into my bathroom.

Sweets

What were you doing?

Brennan

He was drinking beer and reading a comic book.

Booth

I was taking a bath!

Sweets

You read comics and drink beer naked?

Booth

Wait a minute. Bones bursts into my bathroom, all right, and I'm weird for being naked?

Brennan

[confronting Sweets in an angry whisper] You think I don't recognize an experiment when I see one? You experimented on us.

Sweets

Beg your pardon?

Brennan

Not telling me Booth was alive, you wanted to quantify our reactions for your own research. You took advantage of us. Booth and I agreed to let you observe us. We did not agree to be used as lab rats, so you better cut it out.

Sweets

Dr. Brennan, why are you talking so fast?

Brennan

Because if Booth hears why you did what you did, he'd beat you up.

Sweets

Don't you think that would be an overly aggressive act?

Brennan

Not at all. So you better not do it again.

Brennan

I've always been proud of you, Zack. I've never met anyone more rational and intelligent. But there's a fault in your logic.

Zack Addy

With all due respect, you aren't cognizant of his logic.

Brennan

Assumption number one: Secret societies exists.

Zack Addy

Accepted. Hodgins has been explaining this to me for years.

Brennan

Assumption number two: The human experience is adversely affected by secret societies.

Zack Addy

Accepted.

Brennan

Assumption number three: Attacking and killing members of secret societies will have ameliorating affect on the human experience.

Zack Addy

Accepted.

Brennan

All of your assumptions are built on a first principle, Zack. To wit, the historical human experience as a whole is more important than a single person's life.

Zack Addy

Yes.

Brennan

Yet, you risked it all so you wouldn't hurt Hodgins.

Zack Addy

There's... You're correct. There's an inconsistency in my reasoning.

That's enough, we're going. Now.

Brennan

I have remains to identify. He could have a family.

Angela

He's 500 years old. They've probably adjusted by now.

Brennan

In fact, taking a right turn on a red light here is the equivalent of turning left in the wrong lane at home.

Booth

I'm turning right. [takes a right turn and almost hits a bus, stops the Mini in the middle of an intersection and gets out of the car, screaming] I hate England! I hate London! I'm glad we had a revolution!

Booth

Every man in this country would like to sleep with you.

Brennan

Are you being nice to me or awful to the British men?

Oh, I am not the jealous sort, and you are painfully naïve if you think my sex life was limited to Ian, as I'm sure yours was not.

Brennan

But I didn't sleep with Ian.

You didn't?

Brennan

No.

Why not? You obviously fancied each other.

Brennan

Yes, I noted several physiological responses to his presence which can only be explained by sexual attraction

So why didn't you sleep with him then?

Brennan

Because of Booth.

Ohhh, you know, I suspected that you two might be more than just partners.

Brennan

Oh, no. That's incorrect. Booth advised me not to sleep with Ian because Booth didn't want me to be another notch on Ian's bedpost.

See, I rather saw it as climbing Everest. Of course it's been done before but the experience is still breathtaking.

Brennan

You have a strong sexual appetite and you're not hamstrung by social moralizing. I can empathize with that.

Thank you.

Booth

Okay, news bulletin for ya, Bones. There's not a guy in this country who wouldn't want to have sex with you. Probably half the gay men... whoa, easy.

Brennan

Are you being nice about me or awful about British men?

Sweets

Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds?

Brennan

A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection, which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable.

Booth

Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place.

Brennan

No, relationships are temporary.

Booth

No, that's not true, Bones, you're wrong, okay? There is someone for everyone, someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with, all right? You just have to be open enough to see it, that's all.

Brennan

Anthropologically, 83% of societies are polygamist.

Booth

Now you sound French. Being faithful is what separates us from the chimps.

Brennan

Actually, it's a gene called HAR1F.

Booth

Parker had a nightmare.

Brennan

About severed fingers?

Booth

No, it was a singing frog.

Brennan

I don't see the connection. But then I'm one of those people that thinks when you dream about a banana, it's probably just a banana.

Booth

Okay, yeah, I get it. You saw a whole lady's corpse when you were a little girl and you were fine.

Brennan

Yes. Although, for some reason that I do not understand, I kept staging my own death. Pretending that I drowned in the bathtub, faking electrical shock. It really freaked my parents out. And once, when Russ found me hanging, he had to go see the school psychologist.

Booth

[mildly sarcastic] But otherwise you were fine.

Brennan

[earnestly] Yeah.

Booth

Uh, the dog should be, you know, in the cage. He killed Seth Elliot.

Brennan

Well, it's not his fault! He's actually a very nice dog, [cooing to Ripley] aren't you? [to Booth] He reminds me of you.

Booth

Me?

Brennan

He's got warm and reassuring brown eyes, and he's capable of great violence.

Booth

Okay, great. Thanks a million.