Temperance Brennan quotes from Bones

Brennan

There are levels of bad guy, Russ, and you're not even on the first level.

Russ

Why do I feel like you just called me a sissy?

Brennan

No, Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital.

Caroline

I didn't hear that.

Brennan

[Loudly] Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital!

Caroline

Do I have this straight? You're a genius, an honest-to-goodness dyed-in-the-wool genius?

Brennan

Yes.

Caroline

Dr. Brennan, I like you, on and off. But your brother is a material witness in my murder case. I cannot recommend that he be set free.

Brennan

Please.

Caroline

Oh, well, now that you said please.

Brennan

Are you being sarcastic?

Caroline

Yes!

Brennan

Where did he work?

Uh, employment agency called Temp Time. On 7th, by the Convention Center.

Booth

Ha! Couldn't have been Santa!

Brennan

Why?

Booth

Because Santa wouldn't have worked at a temp agency!

Brennan

Well, why not? His work is seasonal.

Booth

No. It's not a lie lie, Bones. It's more like everybody agreeing that, up to a certain age, kids deserve to live a different kind of truth.

Brennan

Okay. By that reasoning, what we should do is figure out a lie Russ could tell the girls so they wouldn't know he's in jail.

Booth

That is a brilliant Christmas idea.

Brennan

It was intended to be a scathing and incisive comment.

Caroline

I want you to kiss him under some mistletoe.

Brennan

Kiss Booth?

Caroline

That's right, cherie.

Brennan

Why?

Caroline

Because it will amuse me.

Brennan

Why?

Caroline

Because the two of you are all "Dr. Brennan" and "Special Agent Seeley Booth," and it's Christmas, and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.

Brennan

Puckish?

Caroline

What's the matter? You don't think I can be puckish?

Brennan

I never thought about it until now.

Caroline

You want me to write that letter, you kiss Booth, on the lips, for [counting] one steamboat, two steamboats...five steamboats.

Brennan

That's blackmail!

Caroline

That's correct.

Brennan

That's unethical.

Caroline

That's the deal, cherie. Take it or leave it.

Brennan

Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.

Booth

I'm being misquoted.

Sweets

Booth is absolutely right.

Booth

She got the gist.

Sweets

There is a fictional element to Christmas.

Brennan

You mean the whole "birth of a Savior" rigmarole?

Booth

It is not rigmarole!

Sweets

No, Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults--

Booth

Are you including you in that?

Sweets

As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic routines of daily life, which make it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But, you know, it's all right for us to try. We put on silly hats, drape trees in sparkly lights and wrap gifts in garish paper, and that's good for us. It's not only all right to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.

Brennan

Okay.

Booth

Okay?

Brennan

I found that very helpful.

Booth

That's what I've been saying the last four days!

Booth

Oh my god...

Brennan

What?

Booth

He lives in a toy store! [laughs]

Brennan

[as she and Booth enters the victim's home] Watch out for reindeer.

Booth

[sarcastically] Yeah, really funny.

[to Booth] Is she serious about the mud?

Brennan

As serious as a gas attack.

Booth

Heart attack, Bones. As serious as a heart attack.

Booth

What a shock for that couple. I mean, they slide naked into the hot mud bath and a skeleton hand pokes her in the, you know--

Brennan

Anus.

Booth

Bones!

Brennan

What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth.

Sweets

Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues?

Booth

Why? Because I don't wanna talk about, you know--

Brennan

The anus.

Booth

You really like that word, don't you?

Sweets

Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work?

Booth

Well, it's better than talking about, you know--

Sweets

The anus?

Booth

What is it with you two?

Booth

You know, you can play the field... and not plow it.

Brennan

That was distasteful.

Brennan

Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.

April

Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.

Brennan

No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.

April

She's funny.

Brennan

I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?

Booth

I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.

Brennan

Oh.

April

You look in their eyes and you can see their little souls. It's in every part of their coloring.

Brennan

Fish don't have souls.

Sweets

[obviously trying to end the conversation gracefully] April just means they're pretty.

April

[starting to get angry] Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. [To Brennan] What I meant was, we're all made up of the same stuff; that makes us human.

Brennan

Well, on a quantum level, that's true. Although the word "stuff" is not accurate.

April

[To Sweets] See?

Sweets

[shocked] O-okay.

April

He kills about a million people a night!

Sweets

In a video game.

Brennan

Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.

April

Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.

Brennan

No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.

April

She's funny.

Brennan

I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?

Booth

I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.

Brennan

Oh.

April

It's their eyes. You can tell so much from eyes.

Brennan

Well in humans a retinal scan is as specific as a fingerprint.

April

No, no, their souls. You can see their little souls.

Brennan

I don't understand. You believe that fish have souls?

April

Yes, you can see it in their coloring. It's... it's a reflection of who they are.

Brennan

Their coloring has developed over millenniums as a way to deal with predators.

Sweets

[obviously trying to end the conversation gracefully] April just means they're beautiful.

April

[starting to get angry] Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. [To Brennan] I mean they have souls.

Sweets

Okay.

April

No. It's just... I meant... I believe that all creatures: people, fish, dogs, we're all connected. We all share the same stuff that makes life beautiful and precious.

Brennan

On a quantum levels that's true. Although the word stuff is not accurate.

April

See?

Sweets

What? I have great respect for your fish. Admittedly, I might relate to other things more.

April

He kills about a thousand people a night.

Sweets

Yeah, in a video game.

Brennan

I thought you said you were just going to talk to him!

Booth

Yeah, well, I saw his face and I got mad.

Brennan

Is she crying because she loved him, or because she lost a mansion?

Booth

[mouths] The mansion.