Temperance Brennan quotes from Bones

Brennan

The truth is, athletes are basically emotionally arrested in boyhood, acting out childish games as though they have adult importance. You know, the only thing more juvenile are grown adults who watch sports.

Booth

[confronts Brennan] Why'd you gotta say stuff like that?

Brennan

[surprised] What? You mean the truth?

Booth

All right. You know what? I'm a jock, so when you say those, you know, things that you say, what are you saying about me?

Brennan

Nothing! You grew out of it!

Booth

No, I didn't, alright? My shoulder cracked out on me. Otherwise I would've gone all the way with it. [turns to leave]

Brennan

What?

Booth

And another thing, all right, I, uh, fought in a war! So if sports is a, uh, "childish" substitute, I can live with that! [walks out of the court]

All I did was pee in a cup for Jimmy Fields. All of a sudden this is a federal case?

Booth

Turns out he has the clap.

Brennan

The exact same strain as you.

Wait, you think I had sex with R.J.?

Booth

[He and Brennan look at each other.] I dunno, did you?

No!

Brennan

Then why’d you bring it up?

You brought it up. All I did was pee in a cup.

Brennan

Why?

Because, Jimmy's a teammate and he asked me to. I woulda done it for any of my bros.

Brennan

How'd this boy get into college?

Booth

Basketball.

I know I've got gonorrhea. I'm being treated for it.

Booth

Yeah, well, where'd you get it?

They asked me the same thing in Health Services. Could have been a couple places.

Brennan

Well, you're a smart girl, why didn't you wear a condom?

I do. Most of the time.

Brennan

You know what? I made a mistake. She is not a smart girl. This is a terrible university.

Booth

[baby cries] You hear that?

Brennan

Sounds like a cat...

Booth

[talking about a baby] He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle?

Brennan

Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical power over infants!

Booth

You know, you look very mom-like with that baby monitor.

Brennan

I have a responsibility under state law as a foster parent. I've already bought him toys and clothes.

Booth

Ah. So you've bought him some clothes?

Brennan

Well, I sent an intern, who apparently loves bears, which in reality would devour a small child.

Brennan

Brennan.

Zack

I made some discoveries regarding our victim. Is this a good time?

Brennan

No no no no no.

Zack

Ohh-kay...

Brennan

Zack? Hello? [Brennan dials]

Zack

Dooooctor Addy.

Brennan

Uh, it's Doctor Brennan.

Zack

Oh. Is this a better time?

Brennan

[To Andy, who is again clutching at her jewelry] No no no.

Zack

[confused] Then why'd you call back?!

Brennan

I wasn't speaking with you, Zack.

Zack

[even more confused] I believe you are.

Brennan

Strontium is an element found in most rocks.

Hodgins

Human beings absorb it through the consumption of local vegetation and water. Over time the isotope collects in the bones, meaning--

Booth

You could use it to figure out where someone's from. [Brennan and Hodgins look shocked.] That's right, people. I am a constant surprise.

Sweets

Dr. Brennan, everyone you work with, including your therapist--

Booth

Former therapist.

Sweets

--is endeavoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.

Brennan

Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.

Sweets

No, Booth is wrong. Yes, it does.

Booth

Okay. You're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.

Brennan

I don't know what that means.

Booth

The scientist part of you got sidelined temporarily.

Brennan

I still don't know what that means.

Booth

Bones, just, take the brain, okay, put it in neutral. All right? Take the heart, pop it into overdrive. [makes engine noises and mimes driving a race car]

Brennan

[smiles] Sometimes I think you're from another planet. [laughs] And sometimes I think you're really very nice.

Brennan

Does Tommy share your affection?

Why do you ask it like that? Because I don't look like a scarecrow? [to Booth] Like her?

Brennan

Hey. Wha- what are you coming after me for? [to Booth] Do- do I look like a scarecrow?

Brennan

Until I was thirteen, I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.

Booth

I'd say you're kidding, but I don't think you know how to kid.

Brennan

The other girls and I referred to her as "rad." [laughs] My mother said I sang just as well.

Booth

As well as Cyndi Lauper?

Brennan

Yes.

Sweets

Mothers do that. It's healthy.

Brennan

No, it wasn't just flattery. My mother told me I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" better than she did.

Sweets

It was an expression of affection, Dr. Brennan, not an objective evaluation of your abilities.

Brennan

Well, I think you're wrong.

Booth

Okay then, go ahead, belt it out.

Brennan

No!

Sweets

Yeah, come on. Give us a few bars.

Booth

Come on...

Brennan

I can't just burst into song. I have to have music and an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.

Booth

Diva, forensic genius, best-selling author, better than Cyndi Lauper...

Brennan

Hey! Break down the door!

Booth

It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door!

Brennan

How does a former sniper have a grass allergy? I mean, wouldn't a sneeze give away your position?

Booth

Bones, OK, I worked in the desert. Sand, no grass.

Brennan

I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral. It was a complete waste of time, just like I said.

Booth

Wait a second. You thought that my funeral was a waste of time?

I thought it was a lovely service, Booth.

Booth

Thank you! You know, I expected to see more people though...

Hodgins

I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying.

Booth

Yeah. Me, too.

Angela

You guys are pathetic.

Brennan

[to Booth] Just know I won't be attending your next funeral.