Linda Belcher quotes from Bob&#039;s Burgers

Tina, did some guy just swindle you out of your toy horse?

What? No! I mean, kind of. Why would you say that?

(pointing at Bronconius) He just said it!

Linda

Wha, who, wha, what's goin' on, wha?

Tina got swindled!

Linda

Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!

AAAHHHH! I told you we should have never left the food court!

View quote →

(As Bob and Linda watch TV, Louise runs into their bedroom to retrieve the ambergris.)

Linda

Hey, why are you going into our room?

Probably putting something gross in our bed.

I'm taking something gross out of your bed.

Oh, okay.

Linda

Thanks, sweetie!

View quote →

(Bob and Linda plan their strategy against Louise)

You know, I've never read any parenting books, but I'm pretty sure this isn't in them.

Linda

Parenting books? There are parenting books?

Yeah.

Linda

I thought that was a joke.

Nope.

Linda

I should write a parenting book. Call it, "Hey You, I Saw That! Put It Back!"

You should do that.

Linda

I know, right? Make a fortune!

View quote →

(Bob awakes from a nightmare.)

I'm sorry, Teddy!

Linda

What - what happened - what happened?

I'm killing Teddy.

Linda

(sleepily) What, you're going to kill Teddy? Alright. Car's gassed up. That's good. Guess I could home school the kids-

No, Lin, the burgers are killing him.

Linda

(shocked) What?

The ones I give him every day.

Linda

Oh. Gotcha.

Good God, Linda, you had all that ready?

Linda

What? I'm just being supportive. Good night.

View quote →

Linda

You know, do what you got to do, Bobby. If you have to sleep with her to get in, it's okay. I don't like her, but whatever it takes.

Way ahead of you, Lin.

View quote →

[Song: "Crappy Place/Happy Place"]

Tomatoes and green beans and sweet peas

It's a dream come true!

Linda

(glowering at Cynthia) I wanna take her stupid neck and wring it!

That's what I wanna do, too. But with him! (pointing at Logan)

The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb!

LLLinda & Louise

How did we ever get stuck with these bums?

The restaurant's now a crappy place!

(overlapping) I think I found my happy place!

I'm like a British lady in my garden

And my plants agree!

PPlants

Mmm-hmm!

(about Logan) He's the most annoying person who was ever born...

Linda

(about Cynthia) Oh God, she brought her own tea!

I'm the world's greatest farmer, things are growing so well!

LLLinda & Louise

We're living in our own personal hell,

The restaurant's now a crappy place!

I think I found my happy place!

LLLinda & Louise

The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy

(simultaneous) I think I found my happy, happy, happy, happy

AAll

Plaaaaace!

View quote →

(Bob and Linda drive the kids to their own special Haunted House in a strange neighborhood.)

I've never been to this neighborhood before. Looks like a bunch of old people live here.

See, it's already getting good! Old people are scary.

Being an old person is scary.

Linda

(offended) Hey!

It is.

View quote →

Linda

We're not finished with the haunted house! We haven't even gotten to the exorcism!

I think we're good, Mom.

Linda

I was gonna spin my head around in a circle and barf on your father - like the good old days! Ha!

View quote →

(The family watches the video for "I Love U So Much (It's Scary)" by Boyz 4 Now)

Who's that girl? She's not a Boy 4 Now!

She won an essay contest. It had to be under 30,000 words and I couldn't cut mine down.

Yeah, that's rough. (She sees Boo-Boo) There's that idiot Boo-Boo. It was his dumb birthday last week. Not that I care, or even know that.

Allen does not make a believable mummy.

Linda

Wait, is that a different Allen from the last video?

No.

Linda

Yes, it is! They switch Allens sometimes, Bobby.

(getting annoyed) No. They don't.

Don't tell Teddy. That's his favorite one. He's a big Allen guy.

View quote →

[On Bob's "Burger of the Day" board being left blank]

This is crazy! You're crazy! You do "Burgers of the Day" every day!

Teddy--

A NEW BURGER, EVERY DAY! IT'S THE ONLY CONSTANT IN MY LIFE!

Linda

[reassuring] Okay, easy, Teddy, Teddy, easy...

[shaking her off] No, no, no, get off of me!

Linda

Teddy! Teddy!

GET OFF OF ME! When I come back tomorrow, there better be a friggin' burger on that board! You hear me, Bob?!

Yeah...

DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Bye...

[to another customer, calmy] I'm sorry, sir, I know you're enjoying your lunch. [to Bob] PUT A BURGER ON THAT BOARD!

[He leaves and is heard screaming as the kids enter]

Uh, why is Teddy walking in the street, trying to punch cars?

He's overreacting because I--

[pointing and panicking] THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK! THE "BURGER OF THE DAY" BOARD IS BLANK!

AAAAAAAHH!!!

View quote →

Linda

That didn't happen to you.

Yes it did.

Linda

No. It happened to Tippi Hedren in The Birds.

What?

Bob, you're describing an exact scene in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. They call it "shot for shot".

Linda

Bob, you think you're Tippi Hedren, honey.

I don't think I'm Tippi Hedren, I'm describing an event from my life.

(Jump Cut: Bob views Tippi Hedren's scene from The Birds on his laptop)

Oh my God, I'm Tippi Hedren!

Yeah, you wish!

I guess I must have seen that movie when I was young.

Linda

Oh, you poor thing. You poor dumb thing.

View quote →

Linda

I like sandwiches.

You smell like you do.

Linda

You smell interesting too. You own a toothbrush, or are you still shopping around?

View quote →

Linda

All right, let's great treatin'!

Yeah, let's turn some tricks!

Linda

Gene, don't say that.

View quote →

Should we just go home and eat spoonfuls of sugar?

I know where there's a hummingbird feeder.

I'm ready for tub and tuck-in.

Linda

What? Are you kidding me?! We're not "Hallo-quitters", we're "Hallo-winners"!

But no houses are giving out candy, woman!

Linda

We don't need candy to have fun.

You shut your damn mouth.

View quote →

All right, kids said the corner of Garfield and Jackson, but those streets don't intersect.

Linda

She's not good with directions, Bob. Nobody is in our family. We're lucky we ever get anywhere. We're so stupid!