James quotes from Big Time Rush

Is the bad stuff over?

James

PS: "We promise we'll help you!"

What did we tell you about making promises you can't keep?!

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I'm just saying you're 30% ignorant, 30% arrogant, and 40% idiot. So be careful of fans. (walks away)

James

...She so has a giant crush on me.

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[at the beginning of the episode]

We mustn't! You're a hair model prince who's spying on my country. And I'm... a robot!

James

If it's so wrong, why were you programmed to love?

But what about the bomb? [clock ticking and James threw the bomb] Then the explosion throws us into each other's arms. Boom! Then we, uh... [they throw away the script and kiss twice, second time longer]

BBoth

[scream]

What was that?

James

It was the script!

Not that second one!

BBoth

THEN WHY DID YOU KISS ME?! NO, YOU KISSED ME! OHHHHHHHH! YOU-

Hey, guys.

JCJames and Camille

[scream]

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So are you mad about what James told you?

We're cool. I mean, I was a little upset at first, but he was honest with me.

You were only a little upset?

Hey, if he wants to put his mouth on something worn out and gross, that's his problem.

Excuse me?!

Pfft. I was about to dump it anyway.

Oh? Well, if you were going to dump me anyway, maybe I'm glad James and I kissed!

You and James kissed?!?

James

Look on the bright side, now you don't need a new toothbrush. (Logan is about to punch him)

BBitters

Ooooooh, this is getting good.

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[after Logan finds out that James and Camille kissed, Logan storms off]

James

Logan, hey come back man, let's talk! [runs after him]

BBitters

Boo! What a rip-off.

No, this is better. See, the rejected male storms off while the backstabbing friend fears for the future of their friendship.

BBitters

Hmm. What about Logan and Camille?

Oh, they are toast!

Hello! I'm standing right here.

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MBMiles Bainbridge

And a musical performance by the greatest band in the history of the world, Big Time Rush. (Jane Kennedy spits her coffee out)

James

(enters the room with the boys) Be in the greatest band in the history of the world? Check.

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(dressed as a cop with a mustache) We gotta cut three more minutes from the show to perform.

(dressed as Abraham Lincoln) Then "Operation: We Love Ed Begley Jr But We Have To Cut His Segment Short to Perform" is underway.

(dressed as a pharoah) Okay, next time i'm in charge of operation naming! (gets slapped by James) Owwwwwwww...what'd you do that for?

James

(dresses as a fisherman) Number eleven: Slap a pharoah. Check.

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James

[to Carlos and Logan in the crib] The new girl is mine. I am a hot vampire. I will bite you!

Hey, Teen Wolf. Wanna practice our dance moves for tonight?

Can gotta shave my are and meet up with Jo.

James

Ok, but you're going to look like a really idiot when you can't do this.

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JJo

I can explain!

JLJames and Logan

(with their arms crossed) Okay, explain.

Guys, I can handle this. (to Jo, with his arms crossed) ...Okay, explain!

JJo

I can't. They told me that photo was gonna be on a billboard.

(pointing to the magazine along with James) Does this look like a billboard?!

GUYS!

JJo

I'm gonna see the network publicist right now, to get to the bottom of this.

James

Yeah, well Kendall's going with ya.

Guys! I got this. (Turns to Jo) Kendall's going with ya.

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Logan Mitchell is about to witness the rare once-every-three-years mating ritual of the California banana slug. (Logan plays music on a radio and suddenly, he sees a text from Kendall on his phone says "It's time") Gotta go. (Ran off. Cuts to James having a picnic date with some girl)

JPJames' Picnic Date

And for dessert, I thought we could... (She and James are going to kiss, suddenly a text from Kendall appears on James' phone, stopping their moment)

James

Maybe next time. (Ran off as Logan follows him)

It's time. It's time, James! (Logan frantically steps over her picnic area, the girl became upset after that)

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(When the boys are about to be hit by lots of pies)

DOGS! I am Kelly today. Long story. So uh... studio! NOW!

KJKendall, James and Carlos

HUMAN SHIELD! (they grab Gustavo and drag him around, making the girls pie him and not them)

James

Hey! Thanks for the day off for pranking, Gustavo.

(incoherently) I'm Kelly... (faints)

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Tomorrow is Christmas, with toys and snow AND TOYS.

KMrs. Knight

Christmas is not about toys! It's about giving, and being with the people you love.

KCKendall, Carlos, Logan and Katie

No, it's about toys.

James

(walks in having been attacked by many girls) Mistletoe... BAD!! (falls to the ground)

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Kelly

Okay, I just pushed our flights back four hours.

BThe Boys

(all talking on phones)

And how are we doing on our celebrity search?

(hangs up) I just got off the phone with Lady Gaga's people.

Ooh! What did she say?

"Who's Big Time Rush?"

What about Jordin Sparks?

Out of town for the holidays. Just like every other celebrity we could sing with.

(grunts angrily)

On the bright side, astronaut Buzz Aldrin is very interested. (Everyone looks at him.) Second man to walk on the moon!

James

There's got to be some celebrity that's still in town! (slams his fist on the remote and TV changes channels)

MMiranda

(on the TV) So join me, Miranda Cosgrove, from my Have Yourself a Miranda Little Christmas Special live from Los Angeles. (Everyone starts looking at the TV) With duets with your all of your favorite stars like international superstar Fabio, Lightning the T.V. Wonder Dog and-

James

(pauses the t.v. and the boys go to the TV)

BThe Boys

Big Time Rush!

How?

It'll be another Christmas miracle.