Kendall quotes from Big Time Rush

Kendall

[chuckles] Looks like you guys beat the heat. [they look at him. He runs]

Kendall

[whispers] This is Candy!

Kendall

I'm not crazy about doing reality show right now because, technically, I'm IN MY UNDERWEAR!

Kendall

Yeah, I was taking a swim, my pants fell down, and the camera got a shot of THAT. *points at butt*

Kendall

I'm the boy right?

Kendall

Now put little miss Muppet back on her tuppet cause your causing a scene! FORK CHOP!!!

Kendall

Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime, and when they do you gotta grab it and turn that thing big time!

Logan

Turn it and I predict that 90 percent chance of bodily harm, and I'm talking about us, not them!

Carlos

Wimp! (Puts on his helmet and runs towards the T-bar and tries to turn it.) It's stuck!

James

I had my pop star dream again last night and this time, I was wearing my lucky white V-neck and I was singing a Smokey Robinson song Tracks of my tears, yeah, yeah! What are we doing?

Kendall

Uh, the janitor left the T-bar sprinkler valve and do you want to help us soak the girls field hockey team?

James

Yeah! (They both run toward it and before they turn it they look back to Logan)

Logan

I gotta get new friends. (Walks over and they all turn it. They hear the girls scream as they laugh nervously)

Kendall

And now we run! (They get chased by the girls)

James

(While running away) This is what it's gonna be like when I'm famous! Only the girls won't be trying to kill me!

Kendall

[About to get beat up by the Girl's Field Hockey team] Time Out! Carlos, give James the helmet. We gotta protect "The Face".

Carlos

Right! (gives James the helmet)

James

I love you guys!

Kendall

Time in.

Oww! Ouch! (they're watching The Pussycat Dolls)

Kendall

Watching The Pussycat Dolls does make the pain go away.

James

(Seeing Nicole sing) I'm gonna marry her someday.

Logan

Uh, you're gonna marry Nicole Scherzinger... How?

No no no no no!!

James

(he gets up and stands on the table) I'm gonna be famous, sing to sold-out arenas, have, like, five houses, make the girls go crazy and then marry Nicole.

Logan

Are you done? Please be done.

James

No, 'cause this is the part where I SHAKE MY BOOTY! (He shakes his butt in front of Logan) "I'm gonna be famous, I'm gonna marry Nicole!"

Kendall

Carlos?

Carlos

Got it! (puts on his helmet and pushes James off the couch and they both fight)

Do you want to be a pop star?

James

Yes!

Well today is your chance if you're in Minnesota!

James

I'm in Minnesota...

I'm gonna be the next Gwen Stefani!!

Kendall

That's Jenny Tinkler from homeroom!

Gustavo Rocque 1990's mega-producer of bands like Boyquake, Boys In The Attic, and Boyzcity is looking for his next pop superstar. But he's even more famous for his quote of Rolling Stone he said 'I could turn a dog into a pop star.'

James

I sing better than a dog!

Sign-ups are until 5 pm, so if pop stardom is on your list...

Kendall

Call all moms now!

You still have time..

Mom, call me back when you get this message we need a ride real bad!

James

RING!

Carlos

Hello? Yeah? Uh-huh. Great! Get here as fast as you can!

James

Your mom's coming!

Carlos

No but this nice lady is sending her crew over for a free estimate on aluminium siding!

Kendall

Logan has a learner's permit!

Logan

What? I need an adult in the car and a car!

James

KENDALL! DO SOMETHING!

Kendall

What are you looking at me for? Logan's the genius!

Logan

What? I panic under pressure and you always come up with the answer!

Kendall

What? That is so not true... I know how to get there.

Kendall

All you have to do is get in the car, Logan will drive and we'll shovel your walkway..for free! All year long!

Come on, come on, hurry! Faster, faster! (They are carrying Ms. Majecowsky to the car)

Kendall

[With the police holding him, his friends, and the old lady] Mom! Remember that time I saved you from choking? Wow! That was close! And I love you.

I feel so alive!

Carlos

Dude, how did you know those songs?

Kendall

They play Boyquake on the 90's channel all day at work, and I made up the giant turd song.

Logan

It was catchy.

What happened? The truth, now!

Logan

Mrs. Majecowsky helped us try to make James famous.

Carlos

But this producer guy was super mean to everyone.

Kendall

So I sang him the Giant Turd Song and there was a tiny fight, but NOBODY GOT HURT!

James

And now I'm really sad.

Okay! Who wants sandwiches?

Ooh Me!

Katie

Whoa! Wait! That's it? That's your interrogation? You didn't put the screws to 'em or slap 'em with the hard cheese!

I don't know what you're talking about, but you aren't allowed to watch FOX anymore!

Katie

Well can I at least hear the Giant Turd song?

Oh you're such a turd, Oh yeah, a giant turd. And you look like turd, and smell like a turd... (door bell rings so they go open it but they are still singing) Oh your such a turd oh yeah a giant turd and you look like a turd and...AHH!! (they see Gustavo and Kelly standing outside their door)

James

YES! (he goes and hugs Gustavo) I knew you'd come back for me.

Gustavo

(pulls away James) I'm not here for you! I'm here for him! (points at Kendall)

James

What?!

What?!

(from the kitchen) I'll make some tea

Logan

So I uh, did the math last night on this whole singing thing...and, Katie was right: you're an idiot. (takes a shopping cart and pushes it, but it hits a car and its beeper goes off) It's breaking right.

Kendall

Guys. I don't want to go to LA with that jerk. I want to be here with YOU jerks! And play hockey for our TEAM...

Carlos

But this is just LIKE hockey! Only instead of crashing the boards and rushing the net, you're singing and dancing!

Logan

What have you got to lose?!

Carlos

(walks right in front of Kendall) Dude...CALIFORNIA! The girls, the beach, the stars! The...GIRLS!

Kendall

Yeah. But none of that matters if it's minus my best friends! Add those numbers up, professor.

Logan

(pulls out a calculator) Kay, carry the two, ahhhh...nope! Still an idiot.

Kendall

(to James) What about you? You haven't said anything to me all day.

James

I'm not talking to you.

You just did.

James

You know what?! (to Kendall) Dude, part of me hates you right now. No, all of me hates you. Call that guy back.

Kendall

That guy said you have no talent, made YOU cry...(to Logan) and broke my mom's teacup.

Gustavo

I'm Gustavo Rocque! I'm amazing! I'M AMAZING. And if you think for one second that i'm so desperate because i've toured 22 cities and haven't been able to find anybody, you can think again! Because there is no way-NO...WAY-GUSTAVO ROCQUE...is taking the four dogs from Minnesota to Los Angeles to make them stars! It's never gonna happen! NEVER!!!!!

Kendall

...So, we have a deal.

Gustavo

Yep.

Kendall

Okay reality check! We have to promise ourselves NOW, that we won't let this singing thing or this town change us! We are four hockey players from Minnesota and we can never forget that! Do we all agree?

Yes!

Kendall

Once you've sipped from a real coconut, there's no going back!

So true!

Kendall

Do any of your songs not have the word "girl" in them?

Gustavo

Well, let's find out, Mr. Question Everything I Do! Let's take a look at my WALL of PLATINUM RECORDS! (walks up to his wall) Let's see, there's uh... "Girl Like You". "Girl, You Are My Girl". "Hot Girl". "Cold Girl". (Carlos and Logan watch in dissentment) "Girl 2 My Heart". "Yard Squirrel Christmas". I forgot that one was there. Uh, "Girl Zone", "Girl Zone Remix", "Girl Cake", and "Girl Girl Girl", which sold THREE MILLION COPIES, and was NUMBER ONE...FOR FIVE...WEEKS! (walks up to Kendall) Any other questions...DOG? (slaps his cheek)

Kendall

Are any of those songs from this Girllenium?

Gustavo

(to Carlos) YOU...can't sing! (to Logan) YOU...can't sing, OR dance!

Logan

But I can backflip.

Gustavo

Stop it!

Logan

Okay.

Gustavo

Forever.

Logan

Hm.

Gustavo

(Looks at James, but skips to Kendall) Worst of all. You don't even seem to WANT this!!

Kendall

(Coughes feathers)

James

What about me? I sing, dance and I want this.

Gustavo

YOU...remind me A LOT of Matthew McConaughey.

James

Awesome.

Gustavo

I CAN'T STAND MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY!!