Carlos quotes from Big Time Rush

Carlos

[to Kendall's pick of date at the theatre] Hey, no hard feelings, Megan?

Carlos

Let's get our hearts broken!!

Carlos

I'm gonna be right back. I'm gonna destroy someone.

Carlos

So I guess she is going to date someone else.

Carlos

OHH! HIS WATCH IS GONNA BLOW!

Kendall

Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime, and when they do you gotta grab it and turn that thing big time!

Logan

Turn it and I predict that 90 percent chance of bodily harm, and I'm talking about us, not them!

Carlos

Wimp! (Puts on his helmet and runs towards the T-bar and tries to turn it.) It's stuck!

James

I had my pop star dream again last night and this time, I was wearing my lucky white V-neck and I was singing a Smokey Robinson song Tracks of my tears, yeah, yeah! What are we doing?

Kendall

Uh, the janitor left the T-bar sprinkler valve and do you want to help us soak the girls field hockey team?

James

Yeah! (They both run toward it and before they turn it they look back to Logan)

Logan

I gotta get new friends. (Walks over and they all turn it. They hear the girls scream as they laugh nervously)

Kendall

And now we run! (They get chased by the girls)

James

(While running away) This is what it's gonna be like when I'm famous! Only the girls won't be trying to kill me!

Kendall

[About to get beat up by the Girl's Field Hockey team] Time Out! Carlos, give James the helmet. We gotta protect "The Face".

Carlos

Right! (gives James the helmet)

James

I love you guys!

Kendall

Time in.

Oww! Ouch! (they're watching The Pussycat Dolls)

Kendall

Watching The Pussycat Dolls does make the pain go away.

James

(Seeing Nicole sing) I'm gonna marry her someday.

Logan

Uh, you're gonna marry Nicole Scherzinger... How?

No no no no no!!

James

(he gets up and stands on the table) I'm gonna be famous, sing to sold-out arenas, have, like, five houses, make the girls go crazy and then marry Nicole.

Logan

Are you done? Please be done.

James

No, 'cause this is the part where I SHAKE MY BOOTY! (He shakes his butt in front of Logan) "I'm gonna be famous, I'm gonna marry Nicole!"

Kendall

Carlos?

Carlos

Got it! (puts on his helmet and pushes James off the couch and they both fight)

Do you want to be a pop star?

James

Yes!

Well today is your chance if you're in Minnesota!

James

I'm in Minnesota...

I'm gonna be the next Gwen Stefani!!

Kendall

That's Jenny Tinkler from homeroom!

Gustavo Rocque 1990's mega-producer of bands like Boyquake, Boys In The Attic, and Boyzcity is looking for his next pop superstar. But he's even more famous for his quote of Rolling Stone he said 'I could turn a dog into a pop star.'

James

I sing better than a dog!

Sign-ups are until 5 pm, so if pop stardom is on your list...

Kendall

Call all moms now!

You still have time..

Mom, call me back when you get this message we need a ride real bad!

James

RING!

Carlos

Hello? Yeah? Uh-huh. Great! Get here as fast as you can!

James

Your mom's coming!

Carlos

No but this nice lady is sending her crew over for a free estimate on aluminium siding!

Kendall

Logan has a learner's permit!

Logan

What? I need an adult in the car and a car!

James

KENDALL! DO SOMETHING!

Kendall

What are you looking at me for? Logan's the genius!

Logan

What? I panic under pressure and you always come up with the answer!

Kendall

What? That is so not true... I know how to get there.

Kendall

All you have to do is get in the car, Logan will drive and we'll shovel your walkway..for free! All year long!

Come on, come on, hurry! Faster, faster! (They are carrying Ms. Majecowsky to the car)

Carlos

Dude, how did you know those songs?

Kendall

They play Boyquake on the 90's channel all day at work, and I made up the giant turd song.

Logan

It was catchy.

What happened? The truth, now!

Logan

Mrs. Majecowsky helped us try to make James famous.

Carlos

But this producer guy was super mean to everyone.

Kendall

So I sang him the Giant Turd Song and there was a tiny fight, but NOBODY GOT HURT!

James

And now I'm really sad.

Okay! Who wants sandwiches?

Ooh Me!

Katie

Whoa! Wait! That's it? That's your interrogation? You didn't put the screws to 'em or slap 'em with the hard cheese!

I don't know what you're talking about, but you aren't allowed to watch FOX anymore!

Katie

Well can I at least hear the Giant Turd song?

Oh you're such a turd, Oh yeah, a giant turd. And you look like turd, and smell like a turd... (door bell rings so they go open it but they are still singing) Oh your such a turd oh yeah a giant turd and you look like a turd and...AHH!! (they see Gustavo and Kelly standing outside their door)

James

YES! (he goes and hugs Gustavo) I knew you'd come back for me.

Gustavo

(pulls away James) I'm not here for you! I'm here for him! (points at Kendall)

James

What?!

What?!

(from the kitchen) I'll make some tea

Logan

So I uh, did the math last night on this whole singing thing...and, Katie was right: you're an idiot. (takes a shopping cart and pushes it, but it hits a car and its beeper goes off) It's breaking right.

Kendall

Guys. I don't want to go to LA with that jerk. I want to be here with YOU jerks! And play hockey for our TEAM...

Carlos

But this is just LIKE hockey! Only instead of crashing the boards and rushing the net, you're singing and dancing!

Logan

What have you got to lose?!

Carlos

(walks right in front of Kendall) Dude...CALIFORNIA! The girls, the beach, the stars! The...GIRLS!

Kendall

Yeah. But none of that matters if it's minus my best friends! Add those numbers up, professor.

Logan

(pulls out a calculator) Kay, carry the two, ahhhh...nope! Still an idiot.

Kendall

(to James) What about you? You haven't said anything to me all day.

James

I'm not talking to you.

You just did.

James

You know what?! (to Kendall) Dude, part of me hates you right now. No, all of me hates you. Call that guy back.

Kendall

That guy said you have no talent, made YOU cry...(to Logan) and broke my mom's teacup.

James

Tyler why are you so happy?

Today the class takes lessons outside!

Lesson at the Palm Woods...The guys imagine the lesson out the Palm Woods School

Kendall

My dream had a pool.

Carlos

Mine had a pool and pie.

Logan

And mine had a low student-teacher ratio.

James

But the problem is Mr. Masterpiece

Kendall

Don't worry guys, my mom packed us corn chowder for lunch today, right? (The guys look at Kendall)

James

Let's do this! (holds up three bandanas)

We're not wearing bandanas.

James

BANDANAS ARE COOL!

Kendall

And we're not gonna fight over girls anymore, right?

Right!

Kendall

We're gonna be CIVILIZED, and only go after girls we meet ALONE and not together. Agreed?

Agreed! [Rachel shows up in front of them]

Hey, I just arrived at the Palmwoods. Can you tell me where the gym is?

Katie

(sighs) It's past the pool and to the right.

Great. Thanks. [as she walks off, the boys stare at her walking off]

Kendall

She's mine! [they all fight trying to reach her]

Kendall

Hey, hey hey. We are NOT toast! What's the one thing we've learned since we got in L.A.?

James

That black is the new black.

Logan

If you drink cold milk on a hot day, you DIIIIIIIE.

Carlos

That every time you leave your house, your toys come alive.

Carlos

We have to destroy it!

Kelly

No! Gustavo said you can't break anything else.

Kelly is dumb, women are weak.

Kelly

Oh, WHAT did he just say?!?!

You heard me, cupcake.

OH, IT'S ON! [they take beating devices and run into the foam]

[as Carlos and Kelly are destroying it] I was just-ow!-kidding! Can't you-ow!-take a joke? Ow! Tell the blender I love herrrrrr- [dies]

James

My lucky comb. (buzz)

Carlos

Yes! (buzz) No. (buzz) Maybe... (buzz)

Logan

Anti-disestablishmen-terianism. (buzz)

Kendall

Apatosaurus?! (buzz)

James

Golden shoes. (buzz)

Logan

Cheese sticks. (buzz)

James

(shouts) I'M GETTING A LITTLE FRUSTRATED HERE! (buzz)

Logan

(crying, with Carlos holding him) I was seven, I didn't know what I was doing! (buzz) (after two more buzzes) Would you stop it?!

Carlos

(after four more buzzes) Violence! (buzz)

Carlos! Violence is NEVER the answer! The correct answer is seven. (Carlos gets irritated and punches his legs)

Okay, according to those answers, we predict Deke will think you're slightly more advanced than cavemen who like corn dogs.

Carlos

Hey! We like hot dogs too!